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limerence

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  1. on blind faith i started lamictal after bad experiences with depakote and tegatol. 19 days in, up to 50mg...and the constipation is really annoying. 25mg constipation and diarrhea was tolerable. the past few days have been really bad... i eat really well too, very little glutten. a good amount of hemp fiber. hemp seed magnesium etc... 2000-3000calories/day i've started drinking more caffeine and smoking cigarettes again to combat it but ever dose but backs me up again. caffeine usually makes me wig out but not so much anymore..guess lamictal is doing something positive does the constipation go away? i read the hair loss goes away but nothing about the constipation. i'm 120lbs on a good day if that matters.
  2. hi! yeah, after about $2500 she referred me to a neuro-gastroenterologist, of which there is apparently only one in my area, and doesnt accept my insurance and i'm poor. wish i went to the neuro-gastroenterologist first heh. hoping i get another 'lump sum' payment from SSDI so i can go
  3. dear doctor bipolar 2 + chronic undiagnosable stomach pain EXISTS. there are many forums posts of other hopeless people, ignored by doctors. mood stabilizers, antipsychotics, antidepressants do NOTHING for the pain. cannabis helps but some bipolar folk cannot handle weed, nor is it socially acceptable to be stoned all day. gabapentin helps a little more than whisky or valium. only opiates work...as far as i know. even a small dose of opiates goes a long way. this condition turns people into heroin addicts because doctors won't prescribe opiates. suboxone/buprenorphine does very little for the pain. KURT COBAIN had the exact same condition!! he killed himself because he had a personality disorder and wanted to be an "eternal" "authentic" generational icon, not because of opiates, in my opinion
  4. i hate this substance. my therapist suggested i get diagnosed with whatever is wrong with me since i had a suicidal dream (I've been suicidal since elementary school lol). i checked myself into the hospital to get diagnosed and they locked me up in isolation for 18 hours. then i found myself at an inpatient psych ward!!..for the first time. they diagnosed me as bipolar ii and insisted i take depakote. i researched the drug on the computer there and didn't want a part of it but my mom wouldn't let me come home unless i took the drug! i decided to give it my all and hope for the best... fast forward two months i was in hell. i still had depressive and hypomanic cycles although i didn't care. they didn't really affect me but i could still ever so slightly tell where i was in my cycle. i felt no emotions, i felt dead. music that used to play in my head...gone. exciting thoughts...gone. i was a zombie. on the bright side i was able to do almost anything i wanted. i practiced a ton of guitar and worked on projects i had planned before although i experienced no satisfaction or joy from my activities. i was feeling suicidal, like i was at the end of the line since this wasn't working and my mom wouldn't let me stop (this drug destroyed my reasoning, worse than my defacto bipolar logic). i tried vaping a ton of hash, what i used to medicate myself before psych ward, i didn't get high, at best i got a body buzz and felt apathetic about my mental dilemma..no euphoria or wellbeing! feeling concerned and worried i tried snorting heroin, having not dabbled in opiates for months. i felt content and constapated..again, no euphoria or wellbeing! no trippy morphine buzz. same with coke. i couldn't feel anything! i looked online and ordered a book called The Opiate Cure: for Chronic Pain and Bipolar. The dr who wrote it says methadone+another opiate are the best tools for bipolar. i procured a hundred mg of methadone, planning to take a few mg a day. it arrived and then decided not to take it since it would be unsustainable in the long term. a week later, over 9 weeks after starting depakote, i went cold turkey on 1500mg. a day later i was apparently 11/10 manic, shit felt like an intense trip. my mom was coming off ativan and taking it out on me and my younger sisters. i got in a big fight with her and thought i would feel dead forever and hated my life (which i don't sans depakote) so i decided to kill myself. i took 200mg methadone and over 20mg klonopin with almost no tolerance to both drugs. i went to the hills to die in peace...4 hours went by, nothing. i didn't even pass out or feel like lying down. i sent a friend a text asking for the number of an ex gf so he became suspicious and drove to where he thought i was. i told him i had peaked on all the drugs i took and was not going to die. he was paranoid benz'd up idiot so he didn't believe me and called the cops on me, i forgot you can't trust anyone lol. i ended up in a prison like psych ward then homeless for a bit then started living with a lady friend. long story short: forced to go on depakote, miserable, try to kill self, fail, homeless....worst part of my life and this was a couple months ago. hope it works for you though
  5. posting here from some gabapentin induced insomnia...although when i take gaba i usually crash at 4-6am. if i don't take anything i'll stay up all day. when i take gabapentin i'll take 400-1200mg depending on my mood (bipolar 2). sometimes when i want to quit gabapentin i'll go cold turkey and vape some grass for a couple days...no issues, other than being sober again. ymmv if you have alcohol/benzo gaba addiction/tolerance
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