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About Nicoletta

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  1. Thank You. By soda I meant cocaine. Since I posted this, I've been getting help and seeing my therapist. I've also put a deposit on an apartment for myself and will sign the rental agreement tomorrow. I do not want to go into too much but his actions are out of line and when I've had long periods of sobriety he still rages. I am the one who chose to put up with it but not anymore.
  2. I live with my ex boyfriend since I'm trying to save money to move out. I sometimes (twice a month) go on a day long binge of soda, he sometimes participates. When I use all by myself I'm quiet, watching T.V. or on my computer. He will then go into a long rant calling me every bad name I can think of. It brings me to tears and worries me. Do I deserve this kind of treatment?
  3. Thank You for your response. I'm having a hard time. I'm not being good to myself and I need to go back into therapy. I know I can change with help, I've done it before. I always stop therapy since I think I'm better and will be for awhile and then I slip back. I'm usually very strong but I'm human and try not to use my past as a crutch to continue this vicious cycle of hurting myself. I realize now through the pain I feel that I want to change this- such as surrounding myself with people that do care and "letting the right ones in" so to speak. Thank You for this.
  4. I hope this makes sense since I'm very upset right now and feel worthless... I'm not a slut or maybe I am? I have been raped more than once and over the past two years I end up going against my instinct and giving into a few of my male "friends?". I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have no desire to be intimate with them (or I should just say him since it's only one "friend" now) ,they know about my past traumas and I think all is okay. I think that the traumas from the past have somehow messed with my mind, I know they have and I'm tired of this. I have avoided two of the male
  5. An abuser knows the buttons to push, the head games and all. For me it was an addiction all by itself. I no longer knew who I was, what I liked and I looked to him (I know this is sick) to find my identity. They rip you apart without you knowing it and then boom, you feel trapped. I left him 5 times and would go back. Before this, I never understood how women would get themselves involved in this type of relationship but now I know. It's insideous. The last straw was when he cheated on me and for some reason I just said to him "I no longer love you". I could tell he was in love wit
  6. I'm so sorry your going through this. Do not stop finding a therapist to help you. Many times it takes interviewing a therapist to find the right one, keep up the good work and you will find someone. I wish I could help but don't know where you live. I was referred to a therapist via my psychiatrist (who said I have PTSD and BiPolar 2) after I was sexually assaulted. I'm glad I went, she diagnosed me with C-PTSD and gave me her insight as to her conclusion of her diagnosis. I too find it very harmfull that it is not recognized in the DSM. I even sent them an email a few weeks ago stati
  7. Exercise definately helps. I'm a big fan of Pilates since it helps my stress, posture, body awareness and some of the hanging exercises calm me. Afterwards, I feel amazing and it helps in any other excersize I do.
  8. I used to get a massage once a week, I found it very helpful in reducing stress. I've been saying I'll get a massage for the past year but get lazy. I'm now at the point that I need a massage. It's good to feel human touch in a healthy manner and it's good for my spirit.
  9. Thanks everyone. I read the agreement but will look at it again:)
  10. I'm glad you got something to eat. I can relate to your post. Since I was 14 I struggled with this and I still get nervous about the grocery store. I love going to the grovery store for my friend that is ill but not for me. I get confused, I'm in there forever but this comes and goes. Little by little it will get better.
  11. Hello! I found this forum after I was researching information about not being able to take anti-depressants. I live in one big crazy city where many other crazies come to "make it". I'm exhausted but I like a big city. I have PTSD or the more unclinical term C-PTSD. Let's just say I've been through and put up with a lot. Not anymore. Love life and have fun!
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