Jump to content


  • Content Count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Posts posted by kittykatnes

  1. This thread has been incredibly inspiring for me to read.


    I'm a Program Coordinator Intern at NAMI(The National Alliance on Mental Illness), and a Research Assistant for PTSD research at my husband's base. Both are unpaid, but I enjoy them and they have made my resume look fantastic! Having these experiences will help a lot when I apply to grad school.


    I plan to get my PhD in Clinical Psychology so I can treat patients and conduct depression research.  :)

  2. I feel the same way. I'm hoping my new medication will give me the energy and willpower to get back into something.


    I've been told that the best thing to do is just to force yourself to spend about 20 minutes working on a hobby to feel better. And then eventually you will get more interested in it again. It's all in the decision to start.


    I'm about to meditate and then get through a chapter of learning Japanese. I've been avoiding both of those things because of my depression, but I'm not letting depression boss me around today.

  3. I am in a similar situation... I feel extremely fed up with trying to treat my depression issues. I feel like the "depression" is mild enough that I don't need an antidepressant, and so far I haven't found a therapist that is able to understand or help me. I totally understand wanting to quit everything.


    I DO NOT enjoy the med-go-round one bit. Whenever I try an antidepressant, I immediately start to have suicidal thoughts and crying spells... It's too much for me. I just don't know how to help any of it.


    I feel like I just made a step in the right direction though by reaching out to my doctor and discussing finding a new therapist. I don't know if anything will change, but I know if I don't try at all, there is not even a possibility of things changing. This is just something I have to tell myself.


    Are any of your family members/friends understanding of MI? I would call someone close to you and talk just so you can feel their support (even if they don't necessarily know how to help). This usually makes me feel well enough to make a progressive first step for myself.

  4. I have been with my husband for three years, and we are really happy. Things were pretty rough whenever I went through a particularly horrible depressive episode or anxiety-ridden period of time, but like Mellifluous, my husband has no MI and grounds me in that way.


    When your partner doesn't have MI or just isn't as emotional, it's hard for them to see through your eyes. Ben is extremely patient and more understanding about my issues than he used to be(something that took a while to learn!). Another thing that helped was just learning how to help myself as much as possible, instead of relying on him every time. If you put forth as much effort as possible to be strong for yourself, it isn't as big of a burden on your partner to be strong for you too when you really need it.


    I do think it's possible to have a lasting relationship when you have MI, just know that sometimes the better comes after the worse. :)  

  5. Has anyone heard of the term "highly sensitive"? I know a good bit about about being highly sensitive, and enough about borderline from discussions with previous therapists and from taking Abnormal Psych in school. 


    I just don't know why I am so sensitive. I have always been a kind person aka doormat for mean people... and when people don't act they way I want them to I internalize their rude remarks. I don't understand why people are so mean. That sounds so stupid...Yes, I am a fragile flower.

    I was bullied in school and just never want to make another person feel like that. But I think the bullying that happened left a permanent dent in how I see myself. I assume people think that I am weird and that something about me needs changing. Maybe deep down I have felt like I don't deserve to be treated well.


    I also think my mother has Borderline, and I get it from her. We are both introverts but have had "traumatic" experiences with MANY people in our lives telling us that we needed to be more outgoing. My mom is a little more overt about it... repeating the same stories about how people did her wrong and making my siblings and I feel awkward.


    Things friends say and things my in-laws do effect me because I think I "mind read" and assume I know the reasons why they are assholes...I assume they hate me when they say and do things that effect me, when in reality people are probably just being themselves and not even thinking about what they're doing. 


    I can't distinguish what is really happening from what I predict from people's words and behaviors. And I can recall just about every hurtful thing someone has said... for years!!! And the comments still bother me and make me upset. Sometimes I obsess over it and it's like a broken record going over and over and over in my head. My husband makes me feel so alienated when I tell him. He says that it's weird and abnormal that I let things that happened years ago still make me feel bad. But I don't think that's fair because he isn't sensitive like I am. He doesn't let anything effect him and I'm insanely jealous...


    Is this more Highly Sensitive, or Borderline?


    Thank you for reading,

    A Fragile Flower  ;)

  6. Thought I would update: I LOVED it!! I was so nervous and my voice was shaking after every word past "Hi", but I got through it and got a loud applause from the class of AP Psychology students!


    After class dismissed two sweet girls came up to me to personally thank me for coming. The first girl starting crying (which made me cry too) and said that she knows that she has depression and she was scared but hearing me talk made her want to tell her parents. The second girl wrote me a letter and read it to me saying that she also had depression and anxiety but completely hid it from everyone, and her dad served in the military and has severe PTSD so they struggle together as a family with their anxieties. 


    My co-presenter also wrote me this:

    "Hi Nadya and Kat
    Many thanks for co-presenting today, and for the wonderful and moving accounts you gave of your own paths to where you are today. I teared up because I have a good idea of the pain and struggle that lies behind the composed and eloquent deliveries you made. It was obvious how well you were connecting with the kids - could've heard a pin drop, they were taking in every word. It is really an inspiration seeing you confident and in robust recovery, and will encourage those who still need to come forward and ask for help to take that tough first step. 
    I believe the ETS program is going to go a long way towards attacking the stigma around depression and other conditions, and that is mostly thanks to the brave testimony of YAs like you."
    I can't wait to do more presentations.. I love working with the teenagers. I loved how they looked up to me and saw me as a mentor and as hope for a better future. Like they have confidence that they can do great things too. :)
    I would highly recommend volunteering for Ending the Silence! Or anything where you can share your story. When it's personal, people WILL listen. And it will give you so much confidence in other aspects of your life.

  7. That is a pretty awesome gesture and commitment you have made to raising awareness. If I could go back in time to when I was an a young adult, listening to someone providing some insight into the impact of illness upon their life could have maybe made me feel like I wasn't so alone at times. All the best for you,

    That's why I'm doing it. Every time I get nervous I think of the people that need to hear me. It gives me strength. Just helping other people is one of the few things in life that makes me truly happy. Thank you!

  8. I am not a good speaker but I give "In Our Own Voice" presentations for NAMI.  Some people can speak off the cuff but i use notecards and I shake some, but people still seem to enjoy the presentations.  And, it gets easier over time.  That is awesome what you are doing :)

    That's comforting. Where are the In Our Own Voice presentations usually done? I am using notecards too... they will be my savior!


    I think it will give me so much confidence. Even though I am scared, I am really excited and can't wait. I NEVER, EVER thought I would be able to do this. But my coworkers at NAMI insisted that I did it. I'm glad they gave me a little push. :)


    After the whole thing, the students fill out a comment card and I know that it's going to make me cry lol!! But in a good way :P 

  9. Thank you everyone. :D I have hydroxyzine that I am definitely taking before, which I know will help a lot. 


    I've also been told to keep something comforting with me, still trying to decide what that could be. My first reaction was COFFEE but anxiety and coffee don't mix, especially before something like this lol. 


    The section of the presentation for my speech is thankfully only ten minutes long.

  10. That is so awesome, and I see that practically everyone above is using the word awesome, which proves your awesomeness.


    Would it help to say something about your nervousness about public speaking, and problems with social anxiety that you have had to work through?  I'm sure people will empathize, and this is actually a presentation when this could be an appropriate thing to say, and part of the subject matter.

    I think that would help! It would kind of break the ice a little bit. Thanks :)

  11. So, I am a soon-to-be intern at my local NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), and I recently got involved with a new program called Ending the Silence. It is an initiative to bring mental health awareness to high schools across the country.


    I am doing the Young Adult Story, which is the most powerful part of the presentation since we are not that much older than they are!


    My presentation is on Thursday, and I am absolutely terrified. I used to have horrible issues with social anxiety, and slowly through the years have worked through most of them. However, public speaking is still my weakness. :( My heart races, I feel like I can't breathe, and a laugh like an idiot because I feel so awkward!! It's embarrassing. If I could somehow make myself slow down my talking, so that I appear more relaxed, I think it will be easier.


    I keep thinking about how many kids this could help, and that calms me a little bit, but this will be the first time I have ever spilled my guts about my depression and anxiety problems. I'm sure it will be scary, but liberating.


    I just want to get through it. 



  12. I know you don't feel like living... but trying is what will make you feel better. 


    Try painting again. :) Try to just focus on creating something and don't think about the depression or anything else going on with your life. You will be proud of yourself for doing something.


    Or, try this 

    It's a yoga sequence specifically for depression. It has helped me. You may feel kind of silly doing it if you've never done yoga before but I promise it doesn't matter what you look like. It's all about feeling better and moving your body a bit to wake up.


    I was on seroquel a couple of years ago and all it did was make me sleepy. You just have to try to fight it the best way you can.

  13. I have just been feeling a million times better lately. I feel normal... I've had no symptoms for a pretty long stretch and since I feel strong and healthy it makes me want to do so many things. I'm getting too carried away because I don't want to think about getting bad again. I want to live in the now.


    I take Hydroxyzine whenever the anxiety/depressive moods take over.. it helps me to chill out. And I was seeing a therapist for awhile, then decided it wasn't helping much so I stopped seeing her. I'm planning to find a new therapist that does CBT. 


    Thank you all for your input!

  14. What do you guys think about studying abroad? I think everyone should do it...I feel like it could change everyone's perspective about how they live their life and about their home country.


    I want to study abroad in Japan, probably Tokyo, more than ANYTHING! It is probably one of the biggest dreams/goals I've come up with for myself. The original plan was my DH and I trying to get orders for Japan (he's in the Navy), but I was too scared of being alone there when he's out on deployments. We are applying for San Diego instead so I definitely have a good school to graduate with my Psych degree from, and we've always wanted to live in Cali. :)


    Anyway, studying abroad is the back-up plan I have for being able to live in a different country for awhile... Live with a host family maybe. But it'd still be something where I'd be "on my own". That scares me because I don't want to "flip out" and start getting depressed and become an anxious nervous wreck from being alone or the culture shock or anything. I feel dumb now because maybe going with the Navy would be better for my health so I'd have my husband with me at least part of the time.


    But what if it just teaches me to be strong for myself. I'm going to have to deal with deployments if we are in Cali, maybe that could prepare me for the "loneliness" of studying abroad by myself later on.


    I'm not a very decisive person...

  15. It just came to me. After experiencing depression and crippling anxiety during my first years of college and finally finding doctors and therapists that helped me get better, I decided that I wanted to be a therapist to help people who were in similar situations. I think I want to be a counselor at a university and work with college students... or at least young people because that is such a pivotal time in life.


    I am typically kind of quiet and like to listen to people, too. :) 

  • Create New...