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serlee

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About serlee

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  1. I doubt anyone will read this but in hopes someone might.. I smoked week for a year and stopped smoking 5 months ago after having this weird anxiety attack where i could barely talk. Ive experience so many intrusive thoughts of all kinds, hurtful, dark, gay, pedophilic, and after about a month delusional, like that i was in hell and that a girl i saw was a demon, eventually developing derealization and depersonalization, and for about a month and a half i had this idea that people were robots, and after having the demon thought ruminate through my mind about 2 days ago i somehow managed to start thinking that people are demons, and now the thought is stuck to one of my roommates. I've also had these intrusive thoughts that my mom was poisoning my food at one point and that the want to kill me because the want to claim the insurance money. ALL OF THESE THOUGHTS ARE INSANE. I know this, but i cant shake them off when I'm dealing with particular ones. They feel so real, and i just have to tell myself to stop it, that its not true that its just the anxiety and my ocd that i was diagnosed with recently, the clinical psychologist I went to said I was not schizophrenic. Im miserable, thinking that im slowly developing schizophrenia. I want to believe its just my ocd and my brain recovering from a drug that didnt work with me. Im so scared, and i just hope that someone will hear this and have any idea what it might me. Thanks for listening everyone
  2. Hey dontresist, I'm not doing too well. Its been about 4 months and 10 days and my mind is just a mess, I feel super anxious and stressed all the time, but all that would be okay if i didnt feel like i was losing my rationality all the time. I get all sorts of delusional and paranoid thoughts here and there, always different. I've been suferring from what's referred as depersonalization. I've heard these may be all related to the effect of stopping smoking from some people but I cannot help feeling that I'm not gonna get better. I found out my family is predisposed to anxiety, and lots of it, but thats it. I don't hear voices, and this didn't start until I stopped smoking. I have had the thought that people are robots in my head for over a month now... I can't get it out of my head, and with this depersonalization that makes everything feel unreal, almost dreamlike i feel like Im losing it all the time. I have been so anxious lately, and just scared that I'm never going to be good again. It scares me so much. I haven't been able to cry these past few weeks, even though I'm so depressed, my life feels like its in shambles, and its so terrible to think that my mind is slowly deteriorating. I went to a clinical psychologist, and after taking multiple tests she told me that I'm suffering from ocd, high anxiety and temporary psychotic symptoms that will go away, and that I am not schizophrenic. I sadly have become so negative that I don't believe her. I would really like to hear back from you and I hope you read this soon. Have you been suffering from delusional thoughts as well?
  3. At first I was skeptical, but it didn't last long until I totally believed everything. It was like living in another world/having a 2nd life. Sorry to ask all these questions but how long? and what do you mean skeptical exactly? I just want to go to my old self, when i didnt have all of these thoughts, i wanna be the way i used to be. I've been dealing with these kinds of things for a few months now and i dont believe them, they are terrible though... By skeptical, I mean I wasn't sure whether to believe the voices etc or not. The skeptical part only lasted maybe a couple weeks at the most before I started believing them. Then by that point, when I started believing everything, all the information from those couple of weeks all of a sudden came to me as another "life" (or whatever). For example, once I started believing the voices, those past couple weeks were already engrained in my head, so I was immediately in my own world. It wasn't like one day I didn't believe them, and the next day I did. It kind of all ran together. So had I gotten help those first couple of weeks, things would have probably gotten under control better, and would have minimized all the hallucinations/delusions/voices/etc. Does this make sense? (sorry, sometimes I have a hard time describing things). I don't mind you asking questions yeah it makes sense. I'd like to believe that's not whats going on with me, particularly because I hear no voices telling me what to do. Plus i don't believe that people are robots, it just came to me one day and it wont go away. I honestly just want this thought to go away so I can return to my old self, if thats even possible. It must have been hard to not know if to believe the voices or not. Well my anxiety started as soon as I got off the marijuana so yeah ive been really stressed and anxious too, particularly because I keep thinking i'm developing a mental illness due to all these thoughts I get. I hate it so much
  4. At first I was skeptical, but it didn't last long until I totally believed everything. It was like living in another world/having a 2nd life. Sorry to ask all these questions but how long? and what do you mean skeptical exactly? I just want to go to my old self, when i didnt have all of these thoughts, i wanna be the way i used to be. I've been dealing with these kinds of things for a few months now and i dont believe them, they are terrible though...
  5. So this is what happened to you? I didn't smoke the marijuana, but did have the voices/thoughts/delusions/hallucinations for a long time before I admitted it. It was so engrained in me by then that even though the medication helps now, I think had it been caught earlier things wouldnt have gotten out of hand as much. I would have no problem admitting it if I heard voices or hallucinations, thats what keeps me hopeful. And I don't know if it's considered a delusion because I have retained insight this whole time, no matter how irrational my thinking, and my psychologists agrees with me on that. Hell, I wouldn't be on this site talking to other people if i didn't know my thoughts are irrational and weird and everything in there. I just want the thought to go away. I'm just curious because you wont find this anywhere except with someone with experience, when you first had the thoughts did you believe them immediately or was it gradual? I agree, I'm okay with ocd and anxiety, im just scared these are initial stages of a more heavy mental illness... :/
  6. Im only here to know if there are people who have experiences like it. Yeah I have not been feeling to well and i keep thinking this how how schizophrenia starts thats why i'm here, spot on. I guess I do need to talk to a good psychologist who knows about this stuff. and yeah this thought is terrible and i hate it so much, i just wish it would go away. I used o be a bit ocd before smoking so much so maybe it did trigger my anxieties and my ocd. I need to talk to someone who understands better, you're definitely right. Thanks
  7. apparently people get better from this after a while of detox, but idk that last thought has been scaring me, i just want it to go away. I have a psychologist but she doesn't seem to know either. I think its high anxiety and ocd from coupled with maybe PAWS from marijuana detox, cause thats when this all started. Thanks for replying guys
  8. Well this last intrusive thought that wont go away. I know that i don't believe it and that its irrational and total madness but its such an intense thought that it feels real, even thought i know its not. I wish i could articulate myself better about this but I've never had this in my entire life. I've always been a little ocd, but I only started self medicating after a break up, i had never experienced all these ridiculous thoughts until then. The reason i think its schizophrenia or some type of mental illness is because I'm concerned this is how it starts and I'm slowly going to lose my insight or something, in other words going mental. I have no idea how schizophrenia works you know? I don't see why they would lie about that, but I suppose anything is possible. Most of my relatives are still alive and they seem pretty okay however. I know its not, but having to deal with three months of this is hard to take, and my psychologist right now has no idea of what it could be. I don't want to go to a psychiatrist who might be in the same boat and he/she will just prescribe me with something due to lack of knowledge into my situation. I have heard of situations where people take several months to recover from these kinds of things from marijuana, but its this last thought that worries me. Thanks for replying Inmate
  9. If anyone has any insight into this please help me... I'm 21 years old. After a year of smoking marijuana daily, I stopped 3 months ago and since have encountered intense intrusive thoughts such as thinking I'm gay and thinking im a pedophile, and thinking I'm in hell, thinking that my mom was doing something to my food to make me crazy, just obsessive, extremely irrational thoughts that i wish would just go away, and that i can always find a multitude of reasons to why they are not real and just mental btw. Doesn't change anything. It's been going on for 95 days now. and they have all really gone away, except this past week the thought that has been in my head is that " what if people are robots," and it causes me so much distress because its madness but the thought wont go away, and im always trying to rationalize it and I've never lost insight. I just want the thought to go away, i hate it so much. Then i saw the worlds end a few days ago and the thought returned with a vengeance after it going away for a few days, now every once in a while i think that in the movie like people were replaced or something. Its such a stupid idea, and no matter how I rationalize it it doesn't go away. I know this is not the best site since I think(I pray to God) its only something to do with the detox from marijuana but if you have any idea or a clear opinion please let me know. Im afraid I'm slowly going mental and this is how it starts, does anyone know if this is true? no one in my family has a history of schizophrenia or mental illness to the extent of psychosis, not even bipolar of depressive, just highhhhh anxiety and neuroses(is), and hypochondria kind of I suppose. I hope someone who has some sort of idea can help out. Thanks everyone. My psychiatrist doesn't really know what it is either. I read a paper by Brown university that explained this: "Patients with anxiety disorders share some symptoms with schizophrenics. Patients who experience panic attacks may report they feel they are "going crazy." Patients with obsessive-compulsive disorder may have obsessions that are so severe they reach the point where they seem like delusions. However, classically speaking, these symptoms experienced by patients with anxiety are ego-dystonic, meaning that the patient has good insight into the abnormality of their behavior." however, part of me is still scared that im going to slowly start believing it or that this is how psychosis starts, even though its been three months. sorry for the long ass explanation, just need some insight (lol) if someone has one.
  10. If anyone has any insight into this please help me... I'm 21 years old. After a year of smoking marijuana daily, I stopped 3 months ago and since have encountered intense intrusive thoughts such as thinking I'm gay and thinking im a pedophile, and thinking I'm in hell, thinking that my mom was doing something to my food to make me crazy, just obsessive, extremely irrational thoughts that i wish would just go away, and that i can always find a multitude of reasons to why they are not real and just mental btw. Doesn't change anything. It's been going on for 95 days now. and they have all really gone away, except this past week the thought that has been in my head is that " what if people are robots," and it causes me so much distress because its madness but the thought wont go away, and im always trying to rationalize it and I've never lost insight. I just want the thought to go away, i hate it so much. Then i saw the worlds end a few days ago and the thought returned with a vengeance after it going away for a few days, now every once in a while i think that in the movie like people were replaced or something. Its such a stupid idea, and no matter how I rationalize it it doesn't go away. I know this is not the best site since I think(I pray to God) its only something to do with the detox from marijuana but if you have any idea or a clear opinion please let me know. Im afraid I'm slowly going mental and this is how it starts, does anyone know if this is true? no one in my family has a history of schizophrenia or mental illness to the extent of psychosis, not even bipolar of depressive, just highhhhh anxiety and neuroses(is), and hypochondria kind of I suppose. I hope someone who has some sort of idea can help out. Thanks everyone. My psychiatrist doesn't really know what it is either. I read a paper by Brown university that explained this: "Patients with anxiety disorders share some symptoms with schizophrenics. Patients who experience panic attacks may report they feel they are "going crazy." Patients with obsessive-compulsive disorder may have obsessions that are so severe they reach the point where they seem like delusions. However, classically speaking, these symptoms experienced by patients with anxiety are ego-dystonic, meaning that the patient has good insight into the abnormality of their behavior." however, part of me is still scared that im going to slowly start believing it or that this is how psychosis starts, even though its been three months. sorry for the long ass explanation, just need some insight (lol) if someone has one.
  11. no i dont have a psychiatrist, but maybe i should go talk to one. they usually fade away after a couple of days, but this one has stayed longer since i saw a movie about human robots, im an idiot. Yeah i can definitely only be empathic, i havent really experienced any voices telling me what to do or seen any visuals. I just hear my thoughts and random stories when im dozing off, but i think that might be due to the high anxiety ive been having and im just on high alert, even then i know its in my head always. I'm sorry that you have had to go through that man, i'm glad youre feeling better however. Yeah this lack of answers is killing me. I just wish i knew if its normal to retain insight or if it slowly goes away or what the eff is going on in my head. Thanks for replying
  12. If anyone has any insight into this please help me... I'm 21 years old. After a year of smoking marijuana daily, I stopped 3 months ago and since have encountered intense intrusive thoughts such as thinking I'm gay and thinking im a pedophile, and thinking I'm in hell, thinking that my mom was doing something to my food to make me crazy, just obsessive, extremely irrational thoughts that i wish would just go away, and that i can always find a multitude of reasons to why they are not real and just mental btw. Doesn't change anything. It's been going on for 95 days now. and they have all really gone away, except this past week the thought that has been in my head is that " what if people are robots," and it causes me so much distress because its madness but the thought wont go away, and im always trying to rationalize it and I've never lost insight. I just want the thought to go away, i hate it so much. Then i saw the worlds end a few days ago and the thought returned with a vengeance after it going away for a few days, now every once in a while i think that in the movie like people were replaced or something. Its such a stupid idea, and no matter how I rationalize it it doesn't go away. I know this is not the best site since I think(I pray to God) its only something to do with the detox from marijuana but if you have any idea or a clear opinion please let me know. Im afraid I'm slowly going mental and this is how it starts, does anyone know if this is true? no one in my family has a history of schizophrenia or mental illness to the extent of psychosis, not even bipolar of depressive, just highhhhh anxiety and neuroses(is), and hypochondria kind of I suppose. I hope someone who has some sort of idea can help out. Thanks everyone. My psychiatrist doesn't really know what it is either. I read a paper by Brown university that explained this: "Patients with anxiety disorders share some symptoms with schizophrenics. Patients who experience panic attacks may report they feel they are "going crazy." Patients with obsessive-compulsive disorder may have obsessions that are so severe they reach the point where they seem like delusions. However, classically speaking, these symptoms experienced by patients with anxiety are ego-dystonic, meaning that the patient has good insight into the abnormality of their behavior." however, part of me is still scared that im going to slowly start believing it or that this is how psychosis starts, even though its been three months. sorry for the long ass explanation, just need some insight (lol) if someone has one.
  13. If anyone has any insight into this please help me... I stopped smoking marijuana 3 months ago and since have developed intense intrusive thoughts such as thinking I'm gay and thinking im a pedophile, and thinking I'm in hell, thinking that my mom was doing something to my food to make me crazy, just obsessive, extremely irrational thoughts that i wish would just go away. its been going on for 95 days now. and they have all really gone away, except this past week the thought that has been in my head is that " what if people are robots," and it causes me so much distress because its madness but the thought wont go away, and im always trying to rationalize it and I've never lost insight. I just want the thought to go away, i hate it so much. Then i saw the worlds end a few days ago and the thought returned with a vengeance after it going away for a few days, now every once in a while i think that in the movie like people were replaced or something. Its such a stupid idea, and no matter how I rationalize it it doesn't go away. I know this is not the best site since I think(pray to God) its only something to do with the detox from marijuana but if you have any idea or a clear opinion please let me know. Im afraid I'm slowly going mental and this is how it starts, does anyone know if this is true? no one in my family has a history of schizophrenia or mental illness to the extent of psychosis, just highhhhh anxiety and neuroses I suppose. I hope someone who has some sort of idea can help out. Thanks everyone
  14. Thank you so much, i will repost this thread as a new one and i hope that ill hear more responses. I have gone to a doctor but since i have really good insight and i have for three months she doesn't know what to think. Thanks for responding.
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