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Everything posted by yarnandcats

  1. yes, i regularly feel this way (not recognizing the physical manifestation of self in the mirror/experiencing it as alien or a mask etc). it's unnerving. i used to feel like if we could just pry out an eyeball, we could all crawl out and be the separate people we are instead of jumbled inside one skin. (OK so sometimes i do still feel that way). learning to sit with that highly uncomfortable feeling set is a skill and takes time; it's an act of balance: acknowledging the feeling/emotion and what can realistically happen. grounding, in my opinion, happens when we hold those two things together.
  2. sugar-induced something-or-other = all night dance party. let's dance, folks.

  3. Anyone else's refrigerator sing bad 80's metal songs? I told J we needed a new one...

    1. saintalto


      My fridge is pretty quiet, maybe it is time for a new one for you.

    2. delusional


      mine makes tapping noises randomly

  4. I went to the eye doctor today for a visual field test to complete the full eye exam that began in March but was interrupted by COVID/lockdowns and my own illness and family issues. I've never done well on this particular test and it's not because my eyesight is that crappy (although there is some peripheral loss/distortion due to having had papilledema). There is something else going on, especially having done visual field tests for the past 5 or 6 years, sometimes twice a year. Here's what I'm wondering: if the very unhelpful results this test consistently produces is due to my disabil
  5. *everybody sing*

    we have lupus!

    yes we do!

    we have lupus;

    how 'bout you?

    1. dancesintherain


      sorry yarn 😞

    2. echolocation


      i hope having a diagnosis helps your care team find you some relief.

    3. yarnandcats


      thanks all y'all; new meds are helping and reading about lupus (SLE) too. like most things, this is a journey.

    4. Show next comments  3 more
  6. There was a lockdown? Oh, right: folks in my county ignored it (mostly) except for ~5 days at the beginning. Otherwise, the traffic outside the house hasn't decreased (main state road). Had to go to pharmacy today (drive-thru pick-up) and drove past a church that was packed with folks not wearing masks. I feel sorry for folks needing more socialization than we do but at the expense of possibly becoming very ill/dying/acting as virus vector? There isn't enough Lysol to make us feel safe(r); the whole car, inside and out, needs to be decontaminated. We are in Phase 1 reopening, though; stil
  7. Tdoc via interwebs isn't a thing of joy probably because tdoc isn't a thing of joy. Staring at tdoc for 50 minutes through a screen while she says "um" dozens of times is frustrating beyond endurance at times. However: not having to go out is absolutely fantastic.
  8. Mom died this morning. We've been here for almost two weeks helping take care of her. Hospice these past five days. Exhausted. Numb.
  9. dreading the weekend and coming week: traveling further into Hell (geographically south of current location) due to unfolding family medical emergency. any good tips for handling stress?
  10. no kids (& getting close to the point of no return with that option): i second talking to her. when i was Harplet's age, i wish my parents (or at least one of them) had discussed things like that with me. Perhaps the key is to give knowledge (which is power, yes?) and help her see that you see her as firmly transitioning to (young) adult. Those are things that i would have responded to at 16 had my parents given me the chance.
  11. y'all, focusing on the little things is the only way i know how to get through, well, anything, tbh. and those suggestions we made up there? took years to actually solidify into "ah-ha" moments of what to do; so please don't take on any shame or blame. i really think the main thing that began these small realizations was answering "what do i/we really want?" so we wrote a list, with anything and everything (actual possibilities and things that probably wouldn't happen and things that couldn't happen because: reality). we either revised the list or wrote a new one every-so-often (pick what
  12. so, you're asking how to transition to self-soothing/self-calming from being predominantly reliant on others for that presently, yes? i can share things that help me/us, and this is with or without a tdoc to go to (tdoc-less at the moment). keep in mind these suggestions and may or may not work. breathing: i set the timer on my phone to go off four times/day so i can pause and breath/meditate/pray, wherever we are, whatever we're doing: deep breath in for 4 counts/hold for 4 counts/exhale for 4 counts/pause 4 counts and then on to the next breath. while breathing, we imagine inhaling the
  13. @dancesintherain i like the suggestion from you and @echolocation about one-day-at-a-time; this is such a HUGE thing, threatening to overwhelm he, she, sis and us that it should quickly become clear to everyone that's the only way to go. in fact, i'll probably just let the medical professionals surrounding the parents take care of that sort of dialog, as the med professionals will have a much higher chance of being heard (instead of crazy, faking, not-living-up-to-potential kid). gah. there is SO MUCH SHIT that this physical illness is dredging/stirring up i'm surprised we all aren't in h
  14. try for an early service time besides the expected 11 am on sunday morning (for most christians) or for another day with a service (ie mid-week service); does the church you're interested in have a smaller group for a bible study or host small groups? those can be opportunities to interact with fewer folks and still get spiritual needs met. also i really like quakers: gentle, silent, extremely accepting of all folks/beliefs. good luck!
  15. @ananke thanks for the links; they look really helpful, including any links on the pages. there is some external pressure to help them because i'm on disability and hence my life/time is viewed as "open and flexible" for such things (in other words, i really have no valid excuses for NOT fulfilling their requests, even before they became old/ill. contact has within the last 6 months become more frequent, although this has mainly been via phone/text/email. @echolocation i don't live in the same town, thankfully, but close enough for a day trip. i think he is expecting help...i'm the only k
  16. the folks are getting older; he's already survived an intermediate grade of man part cancer and she is recently diagnosed (like within the last 2 weeks) with stage 4 female part cancer (prognosis: not good at all). they don't recognize the abuse, either of them, that occurred during childhood (except for her to blame all the ills on him) and neither will either of them take responsibility for any emotional abuse that is STILL happening (between themselves or with the rest of us). also there is no recognition of any repercussions of childhood abuse (PTSD, DID, anxiety/panic disorders) and no re
  17. thanks, jt, for sharing your compassion and wisdom and helping to create community. ❤️
  18. frustrated but trying to get things done; not certain at success rate. green tea is helping.
  19. mattress-in-a-box: what could go wrong?

    1. fantod


      pop goes the weasel?

    2. yarnandcats


      actually it almost smooshed a cat

  20. speaking from personal experience, and this is just advice (and opinion) as we don't have any intimate knowledge of you/your spouse and this situation: if your spouse cannot sit down for a serious discussion and answer all your questions about texting/tweeting and this colleague, then something is going on. if there is nothing to hide then why not show at least some of the texts/tweets? why not even introduce the two of you? if the partnership both of you have built is shaking because of this, it needs addressing until everyone is satisfied. what to do? there wasn't much we could do
  21. pain flare is subsiding; sinus infection = antibiotics; a good cup of hot tea makes it a bit better
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