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Bellatrix

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About Bellatrix

  • Rank
    Gamma Orionis

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  • Gender
    agender
  • Location
    Olympia, WA
  • Interests
    Science fiction, fantasy, modern supernatural horror, Sleepy Hollow, video games, politics, mental health

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  1. This sort of thing is prescribed to trans women all the time, and in some cases prescribed by psychiatrists or general practitioners instead of endocrinologists. I don't know that they'd prescribe it outside of that context, but I'm not sure it's quite as bad as people are saying.
  2. hey lovely...you still here? no worries, if not...i'll reply to your message elsewhere. been adding blog entries... yeah, last two nights=not doing well. surprised it was spotted, but then since spotted by you, unsurprised. we've known each other too long not to spot, i spose... anyway, i'm around here for a bit whilst my small is napping. xx

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Bellatrix
    3. mellifluous
    4. mellifluous

      mellifluous

      hey hey hey...i'm back around again...my girl's asleep. so sweet. i love her so much i could burst. and then i also wish i could quite literally burst open and out and everywhere ...particulate

  3. Yeah, that was a hard-won lesson for me. It was soooo hard to give it up, but I had to if I didn't want to be in a permanent panic attack.
  4. I do all three. I rely on context to indicate which is being used each particular time. That said, I always have to stop and think when I want to like something that is negative. I want to be supportive, but I don't know if that'll be communicated. I hope it is because I usually go with clicking "like."
  5. I hope everyone is having a wonderful December, or at least a good one. @melissaw72 I hope you can get your hip taken care of quickly. That sounds really painful. @heilmania I've been through similar cancer-scare panic attacks. I learned sooo much about medicine by frantically googling every symptom I had, only to have ever more elaborate panic attacks. Here's hoping the biopsy finds nothing bad.
  6. So I am possibly beginning a new relationship. This ought to be interesting. I think that was a post I started writing weeks ago and I'm not sure if I ever posted it. It just appeared in the edit box, though, so I'll go with it. I've been busier and doing better since SSI started - it's nice having money when I need it. I'm going to move, though, and will have a lot less discretionary money in the near future, however. But, hopefully, will be in a better place with people who don't trigger me all the time. Stress is up due to uncertainty about the future, though.
  7. Thanks @LMoS and @xXSombraXx. I appreciate your responses, and reading them does help! I've been doing better since I have the possibility of a relationship in the near future. I still have trouble with most things, although reading can keep my attention for hours on a good day. Games are hard though.
  8. Been really busy ever since my SSI started up in August. Also planning a move and trying to keep up with my therapy. Overall I seem to be doing better than usual despite some recent issues, but hopefully things will turn out okay. I don't mind that I was tagged. Wouldn't have known about this thread if I hadn't been.
  9. Thanks for the response - I do find that cuddling with cats helps a lot, I just don't have a cat where I'm living now (that will change when I move next month). What you said about getting in recreation time even when give a shit is at its nadir is a good point, and I think I will try to do that. I don't have my diagnosis in my sig, but the PD I am diagnosed with is BPD. There is some indication that Schizotypal might fit better but I haven't had that looked into.
  10. Apparently I am on a thread roll lately. So this is another thing that's been happening (well always been happening) in that nothing really interests or excites me. The idea of things does, like buying a new video game or clothes, going out to eat, watching my favorite shows or movies, but everything leaves me feeling empty. This is concerning to me due to new relationship, but also in general being able to enjoy life and do the things I love to do (and when I can't feel love for those things I just feel empty when I try to do them). Does anyone have any coping mechanisms for this? Sometimes I push through and do something anyway and it keeps me preoccupied, but often it doesn't. Sometimes playing video games also causes anxiety because of psychosis I experienced two years ago, which means I have to deal with the anhedonia/emptiness and when I get past that I might have enough anxiety that I can't play the games. So I spend all day reading forums or on tumblr, and feel like a hollow shell of a person (that's melodramatic and kind of a joke).
  11. And thank you for the kind words re self-awareness. It wasn't easy getting to this point.
  12. I know I don't need to do it with this relationship, I just have the impulse to do it, like it'd make them like me more or something.
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