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Everything posted by straightjacket

  1. I have very positive voices. I believe I had a guardian angel guiding me through life which I know as the Buddha. He has told me that I am the chosen one and that I must bath in the river Ganges to cleanse my soul then sacrifice myself so I spread peace around the world . When I heard him he was divine and very spiritual. It filled me with euphoria. Even though I am on depot medication and deemed stable I still think about when I heard him.
  2. I requested them because they are sending secret information between themselves. About 5 years ago my mental health team didn't tell me for over a year I had a disnogisis of bipolar and I only found out by chance. Things have been implanted since I wrote that. They have increased my depot. I don't want to go into details because they are spying on me and using everything I write here against me.
  3. i'm already on Invega depot. I'm unsure if it was working or not. I was drinking heavily at the time. They put me on it for mixed affective state (I have SZA) It must of worked because I got discharged from and stopped taking it and thing were okay.
  4. My moods are changing from happy/giddy to feeling really angry and irritable then feeling content and I've been daydreaming about ending it. I'm going from being horrible to my support workers then feeling they are perfect. I am writing abusive and angry emails to my supported living manager and social services then feeling like I shouldn't of done that and feeling guilty then happy. It's weird. I'm getting my prescription for Depakote tomorrow. I'm still written up for it but haven't been collecting it from the pharmacy. Last time I took it was 18 months ago, can't remember it doing much at the time but I'm going to take it again mainly because I don't like feeling depressed. Things have happened, two of my best friends are ill and we've had a new person move into my supported living house. Do you have any advice on Depakote? Do you think I should request a blood test to test my liver enzymes and once thats comes back start taking it or should I start straight aways tomorrow? Last time last year I had high liver enzymes but I stopped drinking alcohol on 31st of December 2016 so I hope they've come down a bit. What do you think?
  5. A good sleep routine helps me, the less sleep I get the more psychotic and obsessive I become. I have been know to stay awake 3 days obsessively googling stuff I've become fixated on. Sometimes I have to force myself to go to bed.
  6. So I am diagnosed Schizoaffective, Bipolar type, In my hospital report they wrote ''Presentation continued to fluctuate on the unit and he exhibited mixed affective state'' I would like to know how does exhibition mixed affective state? I was totally oblivious to it so reading that in my report was new. Do you think its likely that my clinical team could of made a mistake? Is it possible to be misdiagnosed with SZA even if I've been Dx with it for 4 years and seen many psychiatrists?
  7. I have a diagnosis of Schizoaffective Disorder, before that it was Bipolar with psychotic features, what really swing the change was that I still remained psychotic when my mood stabilised. I'm on Invega Sustenna 50 mg monthly injection.
  8. I still think my doctor has secret folders on me which they won't let me look at. I have requested all my notes but I feel like they are withholding them and sending me fake ones. I need to rationalise this because I don't think I'm paranoid, I'm on meds, but people are telling me I am. Can you still be delusional while taking antipsychotics?
  9. I am currently proscribed Invega Sustenna 50mg monthly depot and before that Ability. I have never had a Prolactin test. I think my libido has massively decreased. Is it normal for them not to test you because I've never been tested?
  10. I am currently proscribed Invega Sustenna 50mg monthly depot and before that Ability. I have never had a Prolactin test. I think my libido has massively decreased. Is it normal for them not to test you because I've never been tested?
  11. I have been doing very well since they changed my medication from Ability to Invega Sustenna. But I feel like I'm on the verge of psychosis again. I have been having suspicions about my supported living manager trying to make my life hell and spying on me. I arranged a meeting with my social worker and the manager as I was convinced I was going to elicit a confession out of her. The meeting come and basically they both said they think I'm becoming unwell again. I then thought she mentioned my illness to belittle my worries blaming my SZA disorder because that aids her goals of making my life hell. It was only later that I released that I have blown things out of proportion again. It an hard balancing act maintaining suability because it's easy to become more drawn into paranoid thoughts that start quite innocently but become more profound and psychotic. Do you live on the edge of psychosis?
  12. When I was hospitalised I found it difficult to approach the subject that I was hearing voices with my pdoc. I was in hospital because of strong delusions and I had harmed myself because of the delusions. I didn't feel comfortable talking about the voices. How did you approach the subject with you doctor? Did you flat out tell them or did they notice subtle cues?
  13. I become obsessed with researching Schizophrenia staying awake for days reading constantly about all the symptoms and behaviours somebody Schizophrenia would have and I completely obsess about it. I have been on Invega 75mg injections for 10 months now since my last hospitalization. My obsessive thoughts have calmed down and I don't research Schizophrenia anymore. Do you think my obsession was a sign of Mania or a sign of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Do you think if it was OCD it would still be prevalent even on the antipsychotics? I'm diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder, Bipolar type. Do you think for that DX I would need to be symptomatic with more classic BP/SZA symptoms as well as the Obsessive thoughts?
  14. Do you think I should tell my pdoc I fantasise about becoming manic? I had such a ball last time that I think I've become addicted to feeling extreme mania (If you can?)
  15. I refuse to take mood stabilizers (lithium and depakote) They make me feel numb and I feel like my life is just ticking by zombie style. I would rather have the ups and downs, functionally I rarely go into a downer.
  16. I'm on the injection, 75mg monthly. I have not really noticed any side effects apart from soreness at the injection site. I started on invega July 2016 and have been out of hospital 11 months the longest I've been out since I first got hospitalised in 2010. I have also lost 43 lbs in 3 months on a weight loss diet which I couldn't do on Ability. It's a good medication for me.
  17. Oh sorry. I'm on 75mg Paliperidone (Invega) I was diagnosed 5 years ago with BP mixed state. I had these ideas I was a famous writer. I had waves upon waves of intense euphoria. I become more stable but still get some euphoria without the psychosis. It's addictive. I'm now DX with Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type.
  18. I wonder if I've always been on the Bipolar spectrum? Periodically I have had these uncontrollable intense euphoria feelings that make me want to squeal with excitement. I still get them put to a lesser extent because I'm on antipsychotics. it's hard to explain, it's like the night before christmas for a child but for me I get them out of the blue. Do you think it's down to Biopler?
  19. I think I am malingering but I look back at all my involvement with mental health services and all the times I have been hospitalised and think it can't be possible to go through 11 admissions without the many doctors suspecting I'm a malinger. I have thoroughly read all my medical notes from the GP and mental health service and there is no mention of me feigning anything. But I really think I have faked it.
  20. I still think I have been malingering and since I wrote this thread I have been hospitalised another 3 times and had my medication changed. One admission was because I seriously harmed myself because I thought I had a microchip in me. I look back and think I faked it all. Do you think me thinking I'm a faker is because I'm either in denial or having a delusion? Do you think it's possible to fake schizoaffective disorder thought 11 hospital admissions and countless assessments or I have actually got something wrong with me? I'm in deep turmoil and have constantly thought about this for the last 5 years. I can't bring it up with my p-doc because I'm worried what he would say. I have read all my medical notes and there is no mention from the p-doc/doctors that they think I'm faking it or doing it for attention but I strongly think I am.
  21. Currently I'm being forcibly medicated by depot injection and have been since 2013 and if I refuse I will get recalled back to hospital. Every time I have become non-compliant I have become ill and needed to be hospitalised, but it wasn't a controlled decrease I just suddenly stopped going to have my depot. I have schizoaffective disorder. Do you think if I was given permission to safely decrease my medication to the point where I take nothing I can successfully live without it without my symptoms coming back? Has anybody tried decreasing meds and what was you success to getting off them?
  22. I have a longstanding diagnosis of SZA and been hospitalized many times over the years. Here in the UK the government are making it harder for people to claim social security and they are cutting peoples benefits. I fear they are going to cut mine at an assessment. I think to myself what's the point in trying to be well when if I'm perceived as mentally well on medication and can manage they will cut my benefits and that can potentially make me homeless in the future. so I cause chaos refusing to take my depot, getting recalled of my CTO and spending time in hospital, it becomes a cycle. My social worker filled my benefit form claim pack in recently and I told him I was worried about losing my disability benefits and he inadvertently told me because I'm on a CTO I should be fine. That just magnifies my thoughts that if I'm not on a CTO I will lose my benefits making me want to kick off... I know this is unhealthy but is it normal in the context or does it cross over into more personally disordered? What do you think?
  23. I live in the UK. I was discharged on a CTO and if I refuse my monthly depot I'm recalled back to hospital, the police come to my house and take me to hospital, they give me a chance to have the injection and if I'm still noncompliant they forced me to the floor and injection me and my CTO is fully recalled and I end up spending some time in hospital.
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