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Everything posted by IndieVisible

  1. Well first off I get better results for social anxiety from Zoloft then any benzos and I've had them all. Also before I continue please note I am not a doctor and what I am about to say in no way is a dosage recommendation or diagnoses or any thing at all related to pretending I'm a doctor. My doc provided me this linke to help me understand the differences between the mg reading of various benzos. They are NOT all the same 1mg of one benzo doesn't equal 1mg of another. For example I emphasize EXAMPLE 1mg of Ativan is equal to .2mg of Klonopin. (source: http://www.globalrph.com/benzodiazepine_calc.cgi). I suggest you talk to your doctor, let him know how you are doing and how you feel about ativan and ask him if the link I provided is valid and let him tell you what to do, no one else. But in my own personal experiences, benzo's are not the best for social anxiety. For me, Zoloft is GREAT, you may want to ask your doctor is Zoloft is right for you. I still take benzos but only as needed and since I started Zoloft fewer and farther apart. Again please do not misunderstand I am not subscribing any thing here for you or making any recommendations other then talk to your doctor about this. I merely shared my own experience and a link my doc gave me to help me understand the different mg ratings so I am not so quick to complain to him
  2. I accepted my first diagnosis of Major Depression, there was no denying that, I ended up hospitalized. But when my diagnosis was upgraded to Bipolar I denied it for almost 10 years, telling no one and denying to myself as well. Even after 2 more hospitalizations I denied it. It wasn't until about 3 years ago I finally accepted it. I was diagnosed bipolar 1987-89. I would just fool myself in to believing I just need to treat my anxiety and depression. I only went full manic twice, mostly just hypomanic so I'd just say I was in a great mood just enjoy it. I never even told any one when I was just diagnosed with MD. The really turning point for me was my delusions.
  3. I found this on goodtherapy.org Possible Symptoms of Valium Withdrawal: Irritability Anxiety Insomnia but prescription-drug.addictionblog.org lists more symptoms, The most commonly reported symptoms of Valium withdrawal are sleep disturbances, depression, and higher sensitivity to the senses. As the central nervous system withdraws from diazepam, the body experiences the sensations of the world more acutely and can cause increased feelings of anxiety and emotional disturbance. These feelings can make it harder to wean off Valium and can prolong symptoms of withdrawal. Other symptoms of Valium withdrawal may include the following: anxiety gastrointestinal symptoms increased sensitivity to: light, noise, taste and smell insomnia muscle cramps paranoid thoughts restlessness seizures tremors trouble sleeping visual disturbances How long the symptoms of Valium withdrawal can last will vary by person. In general, the longer you take Valium, the harsher and longer the withdrawal symptoms will last. Those who stop/reduce use of Valium can expect to feel the effects of the withdrawal peak between 3 to 6 days, people report Valium withdrawal symptoms for up to a year after ceasing to take valium (though this cannot be considered withdrawal in a pharmaceutical sense). It is important to note that you may experience withdrawal in a delayed manner. Some have reported withdrawal symptoms showing up weeks after stopping Valium. As I have said, I experienced none. But forsake of fairness and balance I provide this information. And I remind all this is NOT a endorsement or prescription or any thing related to trying to be a doctor. You should talk to your doctor first before making any decisions or taking any actions.
  4. It's hard breaking from drugs like meth and crack. I was doing crack before it was called crack and we all had to bake our own coke to make the crack rocks. So trust me I know it's hard. I went to Narcotics anonymous and that made me feel worse. I sat there and listened to everyone's relapses. I asked myself what I am doing here when I could be out relapsing. So I quite the meetings. I friend of my a former heroine addict told me how she quit. Cold turkey! Heroine is hands down the hardest drug to stop the withdrawals of hell. I have seen people go thru it, it's psychical withdrawal. But she told me she totally hit rock bottom, hooking for dope, arms all scabbed up, she looked sickly thin. She did it! Likewise I quit my crack habit cold turkey. They told me I could never drink or be around any trigger. I said fuck them, they don't know me. I want back to a crack house took one hit smiled and left and never looked back. I still drink too. But I will be honest with you even after 20 years I can still taste and smell the crack andeven have a dream about iyty once in while. Trust me friend, if you really, really want to quit it is verry possible! What kept me off crack is I would remember the crash and depression.
  5. yup another nite wilt no sleep. Could I be a vampire I wonder.
  6. You should NOT feel guilty for feeling better in fact you should rejoice and be happy. Your mom obviously has her own issues, but they are not your issues. She is an adult, not a child. She should be happy for you! But I am all too aware of how terrible mothers can be. I did not even cry at my mothers death, in fact I rejoiced. Just way too much water under the bridge. We never could communicate. Yes she had her own issues too. Point is you just focus on yourself. It's not being selfish. It's called being responsible. Because if you think about it, you really can't help your mother until your better. Be strong! Good luck to you!
  7. Finances has me down big time too! I'm usually a bit more depressed around this time of year to start with but this time is worse. I too am bipolar. I felt pretty much like you do. I have twins, boy and a girl 9 years old and I have no money to buy them Christmas Presents. Thankfully there was a charity in my town providing used donated toys so I will have some thing to give them. I work full time but we live off my check and barely make it from pay check to pay check. I drive a ugly falling apart car, wear the same clothes for the past 4 years, let me tell you, life is hard. In fact it can darn right suck! I've lost my first born son at the age of 14 back in 1987 and it still feels like it was yesterday. Around Christmas I feel the worse. I'm 58 years old and if you want to talk about feeling like a failure just ask me. At least you can cry. The last time I cried with actual tears was 1987. The point is no matter how bad you think you have it right now, remember there are millions who have it worse. Rather then focus on the negative, try to think of some of the things you can be thankful for. Happy Holidays and Best of Luck to you!
  8. I second this! The two combined can be really really severe. For example when I lost my first born son at only 14 to a drowning accident, it pushed me in to depression that lasted at least one year. It was bad, very bad, specially because I can go psychosis too.
  9. That's my problem too some times. Occasional I am convinced the meds are making me crazy and I get off them, some times I think I'm all better and get off them. It took many years for me to come to terms I do need them. Sure I can go for a long time without them, but the day eventually comes that puts me in a bad place. If your bipolar, it's hard coming to those terms. No one wants to admit they need meds. It can feel better if your at baseline or hypomanic, but it won't last. It's like using seat belts. Do we really need them every minute? Nope, but it's nice we have them if we get in a accident. No one here will be able to tell you make you do something you do not want. I just hope you consider all the points! Good luck to you!
  10. Happy as a crack head with a rock as big as a bowling ball! I'm back
  11. I am not giving you a diagnosis or any advise that should substitute any doctors advise. I am not a doctor, nor am I advocating any techniques or practices. So now let me give you my own personal experience. I was on lithium, trazodone and klonopin 1mg 3x day for a year and I stopped cold turkey. In my case I never felt better. I felt no dependency or withdrawal at all. Again I am NOT advocating any one stop cold turkey before speaking to their doc. I'm not sure if I was baseline or hypomanic at the time, but I was great for about a year afterwords. You really should tell your doc, he/she may actually be supportive of you or have other advise. If your having no problems let your doc know that. Too many horror stories out there and we need to let people know it does not have to be difficult. Again all I am recommending here is for you to communicate what your doing with your doc. Not juddering or advocating any thing. Good Luck to you!
  12. Klons are my personal favorite. I'm stck with xanax right now and hate it. Like taking aspirins, I need to take over my prescribed amount because .25mg does nothing. I told my doc but he keeps me on .25. I have a pdoc appt coming up in March and plan on trying to get back on klons. I was started on .5 x3 day then increased by doc to 1mg 3x day or as needed. Worked great for me and I did not feel dopey or drugged at all. Klonopin is a lot like Valium imho. Strong and lasts long. So because of that, docs will usually start you off at the lowest and slowly increase your dose if you tell them it's not helping much. Just be honest, because moving up too quickly can put you in la la land. One of my girlfriends once took one of my 1mg klons behind my back. She said it was worse the LSD for her lol. For me I felt nothing, baseline, no anxiety. So it is very important to be patient and start off slow. Klons are not like xanax ot ativan. They are more like Valium. So please be careful. Taken as prescribed you will be just fine tho Again this is NOT a recommendation, diagnosis or in any way trying to suggest any thing excep[t to be careful and be honest with your doc.
  13. First let me be perfectly clear, the following IS NOT A DIAGNOSIS RECOMMENDATION ENDORSEMENT. I am not a doctor and all final decision should be made with your doctor before you make any decisions or take any action. Glad we got that out of the way. Now I can offer you my experience and a brief history of benzos which can be easily verified. When benzos were first introduced in the 1960's they were created to replace the much more dangerous and addicting barbiturates that were commonly used. Benzos were welcomed with open arms by doctors as clinical tests showed they were far less dangerous and less addicting then barbiturates. It was easy to OD on barbiturates, no where near as easy with benzo's unless mixed with other substances. The key factory docs liked about benzo is they really were not addicting unless abused over time. Fast forward to the 90's. Doctors faced a increase in malpractice insurance. And also the horror stories about benzos began too. So one by one more doctors became benzo-phobic despite clinical tests that taken as prescribed benzos pose no dangers other then a psychological dependency which may produce withdrawal symptoms. I personally have been on various benzos over the past 30 years and never experienced any withdrawal symptoms from any of them. The longest I been on any one was klonopin with lithium. I was on that and trazodone for about a year and yours truly stopped cold turkey and felt great for about a year until my depression came back. Is this typical? Not if you go by all the horror stories we read about. I can be wrong but I suspect a great deal of those horror stores don't take in account possible abuse of benzos. During my life I ihave only met one person who said he couldn't survive without his Valium. He was on it for 12 years at doses that would knock me out yet he was at work every day operating machinery no less! I bring this up because it's important to know not every one goes through hell or withdrawal coming off benzos and as I said in the begining of this post in case any forgot, I am NOT advocating stopping cold turkey or recommending any doses or meds or any thing remotely related to impersonating a doctor. I do suggest you talk to your doctor and see what he says.
  14. I will let my doc know he was an asshole. Perhaps he might want to sign off on these ridiculous claims that have been made unsubstantiated with any proof. I provided sourses, you all should try that too lol. Another mod getting pissy, surprise, surprise yet no mod can show us all where I RECOMMENDED DOSAGES , only further attacks, nice example you set. Perhaps you should read your own terms? LMAFO bet none of you read the conversion site and if you did bet it went over your head. So I wonder which new mod or admin will hop next on getting pissy with more insults and attacks and with out directly proving any proof with sourse3s to what they say. We are just expected to accept what they say as gospel. Sorry, I don't plat that game. No ass kisser here. I call it as I see it and when I am wrong I graciously admit it and apologies You should try it some times. Next I prolly will get another warning for being correct, or perhaps deleting my stuff so mods don't look bad. Hard to admit your wrong I see. But your great at harassing, attacking and insulting. Again great example you set! Apparently you don't need to prove your accusations just repeat them. I am the easiest person in the world to get along with, but I'm sorry I won't tolerate being falsy accused and insulted without any fucking attempt to prove it or show it explicitly what you claim. Let the members look for themselves. It's pretty clear. Hope they see what are mods and admins are really like.
  15. It is really hard to focus on the fact that things always change when we feel our worst. We get sucked in like a vacuum and it's hard pulling ourselves out, we rarely can do it on our own. Often we need help. No matter how bad you feel now this moment, understand and remember you will feel better, and one thing I can guarantee, this will make you stronger too! Hang in there!
  16. Much better now, I'm relaxed and feeling fine. And I have the week end off too. Life is good.
  17. For my wonderful twins, boy and girl and still young and innocent at 9. They are my main motivator.
  18. Almost time for my shift to end in 8 minutes! So feeling ok
  19. I hate facebook but I have a presence there any ways. I rarely check in because I am usually flooded with stupid shit like cat pictures, please, I have blocked a few for that reason but feel it's a good reason, then there are those idiots who post stories that are not true and it gets shared over and over again, or even the stories that are actually true. Come on if I want to read the news I go to cnn.com, I don't want repeats on facebook. And those stupid chain letter crap your asked to pass along. And how to find Jesus, I did not know he was lost? But yes it is terrible to get rejected and even worse from a family member. But at least you know where you stand with them. You know who you can count on and who you can't. Isn't it better to know ahead of time. As for those that block you, hey it's their loss not yours. You know you have friends here.
  20. For some reason I hate vacuum cleaners or carpet cleaners, for as long as I can remember. I HATE IT! After that things are just annoying, like loud music in cars driving by, nice stereo system but usually the music sucks. Fire works but I just turn off my hearing aids and every thing is fine then. Sirens and alarms, any kind. Mothers yelling loud at their kids in stores. Cats with that horrible raspy meow. Barking dogs. Squealing brakes, loud mufflers on cars and motorcycles.
  21. were did I recommended a dosage? Perhaps you can show me? I see you have abandon your claim to know that was not a correct conversion from a site my doc gave me? The point I was making and I will be more then happy to break it up for you so you understand. member was not seeing results they were use to seeing from another benzo I asked, which and what his dose was I then proceeded conversion site and entered both benozs to get the idea what the difference actually is, as I said mg are NOT the same from one benzo to another. I then informed the sAId member what the conversion was so they could get an idea why there might be a difference. I suggested he ask his doctor if a higher dose may work, and with a touch of humor added or switch to klons on the same mg. TRANSLATION: here is the actual difference between the strength of those benzos in question. TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR. Some how not sure how exactly I been accused of RECOMMENDING DOSAGES from that and even told my conversion was not meant to be used for actual scheduled prescribed uses but for weeding off which the site I ref to and provided a link given by my doctor clearly says what the conversions are used for. BTW I have very tough skin just find it ironic mods can't understand a post and read some thing in to it, make false accusations and not admit they were wrong. At least I can admit when I'm wrong. Any one with average intelligence should be able to reread my posts in this thread and understand I was NOT making any recommendations other then TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR. So my conscience is clear dear.
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