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Czernobog

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  • Gender
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  • Location
    The garden where I go to defend misbegotten notions
  • Interests
    Reading, writing, learning about things I will never have the mathematical prowess to study formally.

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  1. I agree with your entire post, but this bit made me especially happy.
  2. I got good news today. It was personal, so I don't want to drag it out here, but it was something I've been waiting for for a long time. I tried some tea that was flavored like eggnog, of all things. I don't even like eggnog, but this was surprisingly good. I also obtained the empty tea bag wrapper, so now I have a reference for finding my own.
  3. At this point, depression for me is a lot like being mildly drunk all the time, but without the euphoria. I am so profoundly numb and disconnected that I stand in the kitchen for fifteen minutes, unable to decide whether I want eggs or fish, only to realize that I've lost the last fifteen minutes, so I give up and just drink tea because the Keurig is right there. It's not that I don't care. I just lost the capacity somewhere and it's been gone so long I don't notice it anymore. I'm too tired and numb to even be suicidal anymore. I've come to total rest like a rock at the bottom of a river.
  4. I am sorry, but I must admit that nothing lasts forever, and every moment passes. I am Too Drunk to answer your post. i do sincerely, and with whole heart, apologize. But I am TOO DRUNK to hit the "right" keys. And I am going to bed so I don't embarrass myself. Please do Answer with your sincere intent. I will Respond.
  5. Are you okay and safe right now? There isn't much I can do, I realize, but I am here.
  6. You are welcome. It can be strangely cathartic and helpful to have someone to talk to.
  7. I'm around right now if you would like to continue replying to this thread. I'll do my best. I have a blog here. I don't post to it regularly, but when I do need it, it's really helpful to have it. Have you tried something like that?
  8. Proud dreg of society here. (Is dreg the singular? Woe, I'm just a dreg, how am I to know?) Anyway, I don't cut. I've done it a few times, but I do a different thing. I've never met anyone else who does the thing I do. I think I was ten years old or so when I first started self-harm. It was only minor excoriation then. I stopped self-harming entirely for most of my teens, but I had a different outlet then, and my personality disorders were just beginning to show serious symptoms, so my emotional expression wasn't normal, anyway. In my early twenties, I developed a strange obsession with an idea for a particular act of self-injury. I pondered it, building up to it for awhile, before I did it the first time. I was obsessed with it for the better part of two years, and I still do it occasionally now.
  9. I've lurked off and on for a couple of years now. It does seem to have quieted down. I think forums, as a communication platform, are being slowly abandoned in favor of other social media outlets. It'll be a cold day in Hell before you'll find me on Snapchat, though.
  10. I see that this is your first post, and that you posted it several days ago. I'm sorry that you haven't gotten a response before now. That is a very lonely feeling. These boards seem pretty quiet these days. I think most of the people who give the nicest and most understanding replies have their own affairs to deal with. Now you're stuck with old drunk Boggy, sorry. I think I might know what you're talking about, or at least be able to relate. I haven't self-harmed regularly for years, but I still have these intrusive obsessions about it, and they seem to hit the hardest when my mind is otherwise empty. It's confusing for me, too: I don't understand exactly where the thoughts come from, so it's hard for me to figure them out. Now, I, personally, have an emotional makeup that makes me able to think about things without feeling totally overcome by the impulse to do them right away. Do you feel that, or is it different for you? Anyway, you mention that you want to talk about it. I'm...not very good...at social stuff. But this is a free, public forum, so I will try to be here if you reply, and even if I am not here, someone else may be.
  11. I don't mind turkey. I had some today. TPBM has discovered something new this week.
  12. It's a mythology reference. I was going to go with Beelzebub, because there's a certain tongue in cheek appeal to that for me, but that seemed likely to invite censure. So I went a totally different route.
  13. True. Toy Story is one of my favorite films. TPBM currently has a jar of oregano among their cooking supplies.
  14. Have you watched any of the videos with the hot nickel ball? Those are also cool. https://www.youtube.com/user/carsandwater
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