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About pepsivanilla93

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    Fishing, weight lifting, guitar, motorcycles, days off from work
  1. I highly doubt that I would "qualify" as a psychopath. I feel more like an unsympathetic social chameleon. I really wouldn't want to change though, but would rather learn how to connect deeply with people. That though, would probably take sympathy. I live a lonely existence but it seems like it would be very hard to be sympathetic to everyone. Everyone has their problems and I can't solve them all. How would you choose which people to be sympathetic too? Strangers are just as much human as your friends are, so should you still treat your friends better? Also, I was raised by divorced parents, both alcoholics, one over-bearing, and one physically abusive. Is it strange to have a deeper attachment to the one who was abusive?
  2. I've found some psych's using the APA website. I just have to make sure they accept an out-of-state insurance plan.
  3. I plan on seeing a psychologist for talk therapy and I just don't know where to start and end with my symptoms. I feel like a conscientious psychopath. I don't hurt people on purpose. I don't think I lack empathy, I think I lack sympathy and compassion for others. I don't mean to hurt people, but if I do, I really don't feel their pain. I'll be mad at myself though because I may have threatened the relationship. The relationship that I feign interest in, just in case I might need you for something. That's the only reason I pretend to care. People around me are more like objects. I keep them close by in case I need them. I'm very adept at influencing people to like me, when in reality I can read them quite well and tailor my approach to their needs. I'm quite nice to people and I get told this quite often, but deep down I don't care for them as long as they see me as a nice person. Everyday I feel like a blank canvas that gets painted with the needs of others as I interact with them, but at the end of the interaction the canvas gets bleached again. I've got all of these feelings of disregard inside that I mask with my charming personality. I act like the psychopath, but I don't really want to hurt anybody, I just use them without them knowing to get ahead. I've got the charm, it's fake and shallow, but I emulate emotions to a T. People believe me and I feel like I'm living a lie. I surely can't be antisocial because I don't want to hurt people, right? I'm just sick of not having any friends, and not being able to really connect with people. I'd like to be the other half of the relationship. Connect and finally get another girlfriend down the line. (I don't mean I want 2 lol I'm currently single.) Are these all things that talk therapy can help with? Or CBT or DBT, whatever the case may be? This is all new information to me as well, since I've been in denial about bipolar disorder I've been investigating other leads I guess you can say. And for those whom I said I was investigating BPD, I don't think these specifically are traits of BPD, and I want to make it clear that I was just leaving BPD open as a possible option. I really don't think I fit into any personality disorder, I've just got some qualms that need to be taken care of. So, I'm asking if this is exactly what I should tell the psychologist, or maybe y'all can question me and I can use your insight when I go there. I've done this talk therapy before but I didn't stick with it. Usually my self-doubt will come and go. Thanks for your help in this rough time, hopefully I can reciprocate when I feel better. Also, sorry if it's a block of text. I'm at work on iPhone and I can't get a good footing on the format.
  4. As was stated earlier, I apologize, I didn't realize I was stigmatizing.
  5. Fair enough. EDIT: I'm having a hard time for some reason. I never wanted anyone to feel "bashed" by my words, or that I was oversimplifying their feelings. I'm taking out my frustrations on some of you, acting unsympathetic, and I apologize. Now, we are WAY off topic. Regardless of anything else, this is a pretty fun test to take so try it out!
  6. http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/68281-reading-the-mind-in-the-eyes/ And there are 9 different clusters of symptoms that people with BPD can present with... any 5 of which qualify for a diagnosis. Saying that people with BPD are "better at reading emotions... but think those emotions are aimed at themselves" is a very gross oversimplification of how people with BPD actually ARE and how they experience the world. It's like saying "people with depression are sad" or "people with schizophrenia hear voices." It's an oversimplification that makes it not true. Does that make sense? It makes perfect sense. I think you're reading too literally into what I said. I mentioned "the thought of..." and I paraphrased some of the article there. I didn't give it as a concrete example and meant it as an oversimplification for I don't have the time to make a full blown paragraph, using legal terminology to make sure no one feels left out or hurt. Should I link the article here? My oversimplification was the main question and conclusion of the last half of the article. These aren't my personal findings, and I refuse to take any persecution for them.
  7. Yea it asks if you want to share on facebook when you're finished, but I did find it in psychology today so don't detract from it because of that. Interestingly enough, the PT article mentions the thought that those with BPD are exceptional at reading peoples emotions through small details, but are more inclined to think those emotions are aimed at themselves.
  8. Yea it's very different. Most of the ones I screwed up on, I second guessed myself. Once I went with my reactionary answer I scored 100% on the bam half of the test. I didn't understand some of the words either and English is my first language lol.
  9. Ok. I neglected to include the academic article since some people weren't fond of it.
  10. I found a neat test to see how well you can read the emotions of a person by looking solely at their eyes. The test is here: http://www.questionwritertracker.com/quiz/61/Z4MK3TKB.html I scored a 29 out of 36. How well do you score, and what do you think about the test?
  11. I was dx'ed bipolar in November, but that hasn't stopped my interest in ruling out BPD. Upon searching for 'borderline personality empathy' I found this interesting article. Within the article is a link to the "Reading the Mind In the Eyes" test. It's a rather fun test to take, and I'm interested in the scores that those formally dx'ed with BPD would attain. For reference I scored a 29 out of 36.
  12. Seroquel makes me sleep too much. I can't wake up before the afternoon. I want to try something else, but I don't want to lose the anti-anxiety and mood stability that it gives me. It does it all, and I'm not sure how much creating a personal cocktail would cost.
  13. So, I don't think I'm bipolar anymore. I fit much more neatly into OCPD, and the bipolar symptoms are probably just the anxiety and irritability that comes with OCPD, and recurring depression. I shall consult the pdoc for a formal diagnosis, but these are my current thoughts surrounding my MI. *shrugs*
  14. I'm doing really well with anxiety and mood stability. I'm still at the low end of the therapeutic range and it's got me sleeping too long. I may try a higher dose tomorrow after a quick phone consult with the pdoc.
  15. I don't think antidepressants alone are good for bipolar disorder. The AP I'm on does seem to help with intrusive thoughts, and I'm anxiety free. I really feel like I can live to my potential now because of it.
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