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About C@scratch

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    safety caps ruined my childhood

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  1. Hey Bere, I'll take some of those cookies. I need the sugar rush. Do you think they don't ask because they're scared? Maybe that they can't fix it? My HB tries to "fix" stuff. I'm not fixable so maybe that's a little bit of it. Sometimes when I just want to bitch I'll actually tell him "you can't fix this but )(*)(%#$%" I think he tunes out then. Yeah it would be nice for someone to maybe take up some of the slack or the reins or whatever so we could have a fucking break from the mask of perfection we try to hide behind. Wow, that gave me all warm fuzzy feelings. Yup but why mess with "perfect". And why ask when they don't want to know the answer? What a bunch of pussies! {why the crutches?} C@
  2. Masks, facades, and being the hyper girl so happy and up. Then I go home and cry for hours. Just once I would love for someone to say "I'm sorry you're feeling sad. Is there anything I can do?" There isn't anything anyone can do but me, but it would be so nice to be acknowlegded in that too light, too loud, too chaotic get the fuck away from me state. To know someone loved me in spite of me. Okay, gotta go cry now............................. C@ I almost didn't post this cuz it didn't seem to flow with the thread, oh well.
  3. Hi Jill, I just went through sort of the same thing. up the seroquel - lower the seroquel. geez. then anger/rage. totally out of control. He put me on Abilify. just started on Friday. not too bad so far and some inprovement. I also take Lamictal for the BP. I can't remember if you are on that but has been a miracle drug for me. There have needed to be minor tweaks but ever since I got on it I felt like a real person again. I've heard lots of people love it and a few hate it but it couldn't hurt to research it and mention it to your PDoc. Good luck and keep posting! C@
  4. I am deleting all of my posts (that I can find). I am alternately flipped out and paranoid by the whole site whoppie theft thing or the need to be here and stay centered. I can't figure it out and paranoia wins. C@
  5. I can answer #3 for myself at least. One of the reasons I don't kill myself is the volunteer work I do. I rehabilatate wild animals to release back to the wild. When I think of killing myself I think of how many I've helped, what would have happened if I hadn't been there for them and all the creatures that might suffer when I am no longer here. I know it sounds sappy but I would like to beleive that my tiny part has made the world a little bit better place. I'll stop preaching now (slinks off to sit in the dark corner) C@
  6. Caller ID rules! You know those people who don't carry on a conversation? they just blah blah blah about themselves? I've been trying to cut them out of my life. I used to be able to cope with them but now I just want to grab them by the throut and yell "SHUT THE HELL UP".So it's way easier to not answer when they call. Eventually they will just go away without any confrontation. They are energy vampires. Then I have one former friend that used to leave her life story on my answering machine. By the time I finished listening to her I knew why she called and didn't have to call her back. I finally told her I wouldn't listen when I figured out it was her and wouldn't call her back unless the message was under 30 seconds long. She doesn't leave messages anymore, just5 calls back again and again till I feel like talking to her. Control! It's a good thing C@
  7. RV, I agree that in the end we only have ourselves. I long to be a part of a "family" a group that stands up for its own and supports each other. A pipe dream? You betcha. But it doesn't make that need to belong any less. I've had that kind of unconditional love and the people are all gone now. I guess that makes me miss it more Part of me believes since I was an only child and less than perfect parents ( right) I'm still looking for a "family". My HB came from a loving family of 6 kids and wants no part of my neediness. He already has unconditional love. So doesn't understand my desire to "belong". Yeah I know in the end I'll only have me, but it's not the end for me yet, I haven't given up, and I want to have some connections 'till then. (this is not to say you've "given up" please don't take it that way? I just mean that for me. I just can't admit that what I'm looking for may not exist and I haven't quite admited it to myself) Denial is not just a river............... C@ Boyd, Zep-heads rock & rule! Don't you forget it B)
  8. I'm using Vivelle Dot. It was amazing the first time as I went to a specialist in women's medicine and I was having the "screaming mimies" and was a definit road rage aholic. Truly out of control and then crying all the time. My GP had taken me off hormone therapy as "well it could cause..........." AND i NEVER CONNECTED THE FITS TO THE LACK OF HORMONES! The new doc gave me a vivelle dot in the exam room and within an hour I was better. Honest to God, I would have never thought it possible. So now all I have to do is remeber to put on the patch. When I get uncontrollable horny and crabby I know I've forgotten.
  9. Libby I have been going throught the down side of bp for the last month or so. Right now I'm as low as I've been in awhile. I'm so there with you in the reaching out stage. I'm still going through it, still trying, and still getting shut down. I, too, do massive amounts of volunteer work and I keep hoping I'll make a friend but I feel like I've lost that skill. And it is a skill. My friends have mostly died, and grief is a bitch. I'm still right in the moment when I think and miss them. PTSD is named for a reason. I get to the stage of beating myself up because it's something I'm failing at, though I know it's not true. I call my one friend (in FL too far from me) and ask her "I'm a good person , right?" because I forget. Anyway your post made me cry since I'm there with you right now. And it sucks
  10. Just found this thread so since I couldn't read all of it right of, I thought I'd post this one bit of info my gdoc told me. After coming in with frequent yeast infections she asked if we had oral sex. I said yeah (with a smile) and she said for my HB to use mouthwash every time before sex. IT WORKS! and he smells and tastes yummy too.
  11. Let us know soonest what your meds are? Some of us have stuff squirelled away for a rainy day, and OMG I think this is IT!
  12. That was some rollercoaster ride, dude! But what a great romance. It was just sort of jammed into 24 hours but started and ended like a lot of relationships.
  13. I want to share my feeling of awe for my therapist. She volunteers with the Red Cross. Last year she was sent to FL for the hurricane victims. Then she was sent to the tsunami victims. Now she is being sent to somewhere in the path of this newest destruction. All to help people deal with the shock and trauma from horrifying events. When she was at the tsunami area she got her hands dirty and actually helped rebuild where she could. She is truly one of the unseen unsung heroes in my book. These are the people we don't hear about directly, and the job they do is brutal and vital. Just needed to share that there are "good guys" everywhere. We just don't hear about them much. ( I didn't get my weekly sessions and didn't care a bit! )
  14. Food: okra! ewwwewww Shuffling is OK by me when you have such a good reason. I, too, have a free flighted bird, 5 cats and a dog, So I totally know THAT kind of shuffling. Esp at NIGHT I just meant like on a sidewalk or other public place. eeewww Jello C@
  15. eewwWWWWWWW Lily! How about those stupid people that dead stop at the end of the escalator? Duh! and then every one crashes into each other. DUH! I hope I don't offend anybody, but how about mouthbreathers? the people (mostly guys, sorry) that go through life with their mouths open? Does anyone know what I mean? And people who don't pick up their feet when they walk? they just shuffle along. I just want to grab them by the throat and SMACK them. The scuffling sound drives me mad! Well, it's a short putt. Wow it feels good to vent and know someone out there "gets it" C@
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