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onesadgirl

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About onesadgirl

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  1. I feel so beyond hopeless right now. I'm literally in bed, in the dark 16-20 hours a day. I basically get up, go to work, come home and get back in bed. I have no friends, my family isn't close (emotionally or geographically). I've tried to explain how bad it is to my therapist and psychiatrist and they really aren't helping. I really don't think I can keep going like this.
  2. thank you for sharing this. I think that's a big part of my hesitation to bring it up with her. The concerning essay is from an out of print book from the 80s, which I only found because of a particularly deep Google search. I feel pretty ashamed about doing the search, too. I'm not sure I could handle the follow up questions that might come up (how did you find this? What else did you find? Etc). But it's helpful to know that I'm not the only one who has done this/feels this way about it.
  3. So, maybe I should have asked this question BEFORE I bought/read some published writing my therapist has done, but better late than never, I guess. The writing was fairly old, so I don't know if it matches her current beliefs, but suffice it to say, it was disturbing reading (one article was on belief in angels and demons and the possibility that demon possession is being mixed up with mental illness sometimes). I'm kind of at a loss for what to do with it now. So, my question/s: was I wrong to read it in the first place? Have any of you out there read anything by your therapist? And am going to come off as totally creepy if I tell her I read it/am bothered by it?
  4. Today the questions from my therapist got super personal. I did force myself to write one answer down and nod yes/no to the rest, but I felt such overwhelming shame that after a few questions I asked if we had to keep talking about that subject. She said we could stop but that we'd have to come back to it sometime. I really don't know if I can cope with the shame. Ever. It feels too overwhelming. I had trouble coping all day today. Anyone have any strategies for talking about the really hard, really shameful stuff?
  5. My pdoc appointments are around two minutes long. Literally. No therapy at all, he's pretty much just my script writer. Thank goodness I have a good tdoc.
  6. I think this is fairly uncommon, but I have an extremely difficult talking in therapy, so I journal all week and then she reads everything in the session. That starts our talking. Beats endless silence.
  7. Generally six month semi annual review (SAR- no interview just paper work) and then a yearly renewal (papers and interview) and you're responsible to report any changes in between. SSI and sometime elderly can have that extended to a yearly review only in PA. I work with PA welfare, but I would suggest you check with your state. As others have said, can vary state to state.
  8. Wooster- You're totally right. She did try to talk about it last week. I didn't even know what to say. I'm trying to be prepared for next time so there can be a better plan (because hiding is obviously a pretty bad plan).
  9. My therapist was at my church the other week (I have an earlier post on here, we're both part of a somewhat small christian denomination. we don't go to the same church but her daughter and I do). She sat directly behind me. It was the most anxious hour of my life. She didn't say anything to me and I didn't have any idea what to say to her without giving away that I'm her client so I just got out of there as quickly as possible. Too bad I was on coffee clean up and had to stay to the bitter end. I hid in a sunday school room and felt pathetic. So, I think I need to work on that seeing as it could very well happen again. OP, I too admire your bravery!
  10. I see my Therapist first thing in the am. I'm usually 15-30 minutes late to work. I have sick leave and FMLA so work is okay with it. My therapist doesn't have evening hours- that would be really great though if it was available.
  11. My strategy for working when suicidal (and seriously otherwise seriously depressed) is a sort of intentional dissociation. It's like role playing-- I'm not "me" the mentally ill chick with a train wreck personal life, I'm "Ms.___", the really good employee. I try as hard as possible not to think about my home life at all. It get's me through the day. In some ways it's a relief- it's 8 hours that I can put the tortured suicidal thoughts out of my head. I worry though, how long can I keep that up if I don't get better soon?
  12. I've heard the wine thing too. I don't think all drinking is wrong, or that even a glass of wine may be good for you. But alcohol prescription for depression? I can't even fathom a doctor suggesting that.
  13. I'm sorry that you're feeling so rejected right now by your therapist. It's a hard relationship to build (for me anyway) and with so much invested in it, can be so hurtful so easily. That said, therapists aren't robots, they aren't perfect, and they do have lives outside of therapy. Without know what happened in that session, we may be missing something much more serious, but your stated complaints seem to be that she called you back 30 minutes late, took more than a day to return a message, and is just generally not the kind of person you like. None of those would rise to the level of anything close to a licensing issue. Maybe you could get a little distance from it? Sometime when I'm really angry everything is colored by that and it helps me to just take a few days, calm down, take a break from thinking about about it at all, then think it over with fresh eyes, talk about it with people (here on the boards, with family, wherever is good for you) and get a little perspective. I'm not saying that your therapist didn't do anything wrong, but I think your reaction may be out of proportion (i.e. if she likes my hair, I'll shave it bald, etc.). Again, with the disclaimer that not having heard the full story, there may be something more serious that needs to be addressed.
  14. Alcohol as a drug is literally a depressant. It may numb some pain temporarily, but long term, it can and does make depression worse.
  15. I can totally relate. My current psychiatrist is down right incompetent and I tried to find a new one. There isn't one at my therapist's practice, only therapists, so I got a list from my insurance. Literally called every single one in my county. Either not taking new patients, only see them if you see a therapist there, etc. I couldn't even get on a wait list, I was told I just had to call back in a month to see if there were new openings. It's can be a brutal hunt. Hoping yours is going a little better.
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