I want to keep my age secret, but I am over 40.
For about 20 years I was on PredniZone (think TwilightZone) for a life threatening medical condition. They have since come up with alternative meds so I do not have to take PredniZone.
In my teens I was started off with 15 mgs a day, but my asthma was so severe that I had to take more than 15 mgs just to breathe. There were other issues in my life as well. A year after I started, I would self-medicate during hard days. It is easy to say: Don't self-medicate, but the need for oxygen is quite compelling.
The usual was 15-30 mgs a day, depending on how good or bad my asthma was doing. During very bad days, or weeks I could go higher, as needed.
I had poor memories of my life when I was in my 20s, and 30s, until a few years ago.
Memories came back of terrible things that happened to me; and some awful things I did. I had no recollection for about 30 years. I was nearly floored when they came back to me. I wondered if they really had happened at all.
I remember that at the time I had anger issues; was totally depressive, verbally insulting, but not physically violent. Though I was physically attacked in school.
In grammar school, before the PredniZone years I used to get insulted a lot in school. I absorbed it. never understood why people would get physical from verbal insults. I rarely did. I would insult people, but I was insulted also. I rarely got violent; they always did. Never made sense to me.
At home, I had incredibly controlling parents - who thought I embarrassed them; and and one severely alcoholic parent. One parent tried to have me lobotomized, and when he suggested it to the doctor, the doctor screamed at the parent, who then came out of the office and blamed me.
All this before I was 13, before I was put on PredniZone.
Whatever problems I had before, they seems to have taken off like a rocket.
One parent tried to have me committed more than once; and once forced me to sign papers, by threatening to throw me out in the street in winter. I was PredniZone dependent by that time, and this was a life threatening threat. The papers were never submitted. If I missed my PredniZone for one day, my asthma went into anaphylaxis. I had a few crises in my life, where I forgot to take my meds with me.
From 20 - 30, I was taking 15mg to 30 mgs a day regularly.
On three occasions, I withdrew off of PredniZone but the first cold knocked me right back on it, again.
A) At times, I heard voices in my head telling me to hurt myself or others. At 13, I was suicidal. One parent said it was because I was selfish. No, their abusive behavior had nothing to do with it. Nah!
B) I was usually quiet, or insulting, but occasionally, I had incredible rage. Most of the time, I could control them.
C) Then I heard voices when I was 18 telling me that I was going to die.
D) Sometimes the voices would alert me that somebody I did not like was up the street. Sometimes I would then walk into the person. Other times , I would hear voices and nothing would happen.
E) If somebody gave me any criticism, I would scream at them. I could go from nice to Mr Angry in a second. There were times I would start to make peace with someone, but what came out of my mouth was pure vicious. Where did that come from?
I was moody like that in grammar school, before I was on PredniZone, but I suspect I would have outgrown it had I not been on PredniZone.
F) If I cop pulled me over I would be full of anger for a day.
G) But most people who knew me thought I was a nice guy, until I got angry. When I did, they would get shocked. Then I would cool down, and be a wimp again.
So what was going on.
1) Can 15 - 30 mg/day produce psychosis if it is a daily maintenance dose?
2) Does PredniZone remain in the brain for months after one pulls off?
I remember during a rare period when I had temporarily pulled off of Prednizone for a 3 months that twice I nearly killed someone Thankfully, nothing happened .
3) Some of this occasional anger predated my PredniZone use, I blew a cork at a teacher who had been extraordinarily tough with me.
But what scared me was the loss of memory until very recently. It is coming back in spurts. I remember an event, but may not remember the rest of it until years later.
I remember being sexually tortured (one time only) when I was 12, which is about the time the anger started, though I was having a bit of a problem before then.
I had no control over my mouth even before 12; but I was on asthma meds even then. No steroids but amphetamine like substances. Theophyline for asthma I am not going to say Asperger's. I do not have the other traits of Asperger's.
I had one parent who hated me, and treated me far worse than the others in the family, while claiming I was treated better.
4) I had problems before PredniZone, but does PredniZone cause psychosis at moderate dosages (15-30mgs daily) over long periods of time.
5) Does PredniZone cause dissociation?
6) Does PredniZone hamper memory retrevial for decades?
7) Can it make one impulsive and obsessive?
8) Anger? Occasional fury.
9) I would say things I could not believe came out of my mouth.
9) Panic attacks (Common in childhood, but I never outgrew them since I was put on PredniZone at 13)
I have been off of it for years; but a lot of learned behaviors still were exhibited for about 8 years after I was off the PredniZone, though with less frequency.
I rarely used PredniZone now, except if I have a medical procedure. Now I find I can no longer tolerate it. It drives me up the wall, causes me to pace around all night, and gives me Euphoria, even at 20 mg.
Can 20 mgs of PredniZone per day be that much of a psychotic?
I literally have horrid memories that did not surface for decades, and then only in spurts over the years like a Polaroid photo slowly developing.
Anyone else have this experience with PredniZone.
I am convinced that though I had problems before PredniZone, they would taped off in adolescence were it not for PredniZone.