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stevenbell

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About stevenbell

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  1. I mentioned my sexual proclivities, because I was concerned by how little I enjoyed them (read my posts carefully) - it was my intention that someone more experienced might reassure me things will get better. Perhaps I was wrong. As for touching a raw nerve indeed you have! You bring to life, all the trauma, the bullying, the belittling, etc etc that I have experienced throughout my life. Solid basis for building relationships - here is my rake on things- be confident in who you are as a person, respect yourself because if you don't no one else will, look to help others, be friendly .... And lots more. I found how to win friends and influence people a useful book. I guess at the end of the day , use the tools that work best for yourself - be it NLP, or other techniques. Perhaps I did go overboard when I called the consultant they placed in my care - what ever it was I called her. Just seems to me that the health system in the UK is sometimes more intent on building egos than actually helping patients (at least that's my take on things) and that infuriates me. As for your claims to have walked in my shoes .... Frankly you could say anything, and we'd been none the wiser. To me you certainly lack compassion. Whatever your intentions are my dear friend, I forgive you. PS. I will no longer respond to posts here at crazyboards. I do not wish to respond to negativity, nor do I think it is helpful to people who are truly suffering and need help. Wishing you all the very best! Steve.
  2. Sure Wooster . Whatever works for you. I am not going to argue anymore with you guys ... As it seems I simply generate hostility. My one wish is that your members find greater happiness for themselves in their treatments and grow beyond their diagnosis. Remember you are more than your label. Do not use it as a crutch ... Look at what Brandson achieved in spite of his diagnosis of dyslexia. I will search for friends elsewhere, perhaps in the solace of another one night stand ;-)
  3. Thanks for the thumbs up Cerberus .... Guardian dog to the underworld is it? Yeah I'm such a loser .... Indeed it is people like you who have kept me back all these years. As a self conscious individual with low self esteem ... I have been fair game for "studs" like you. Yes perhaps I was lucky. It has certainly helped me in my self confidence ..... What is wrong with that? The methodology I used was helpful for me in dealing with my anxiety and being able to speak to women .... Even if I may have appeared as such a loser to studs like you. Yes she may have been drunk, perhaps you might even suggest she may have felt sorry for me. In any event I got much further than at any stage of my life before. I am not here to brag. All I wanted to point out is the power in the techniques I have used. My Christian mindset is not to propogate theories proposed by the "game" but rather to give people hope that even if they are as screwed up as myself, there is still hope. I know this is not a dating site, but perhaps you could share your wisdom in what makes a woman hot and bothered? I would certainly like to learn from a stud like yourself who has almost certainly had more than 1 sexual encounter ( 2 if you count my sexual abuse) in 39 years. As for me being well and stable, not ready and able ..... Heck why not .... Why not put me back in my place. Back into my box where I belong. After all I am certainly not as cool or the stud you obviously like to proclaim to be. P. s. if the shoe was on the other foot I would say congratulations for overcoming your fears, being able to look past sneering self satisfied cocks who have learned to play the game at a young age. Perhaps you too can find happiness in your life? j
  4. Thanks for the thumbs up Cerberus .... Guardian dog to the underworld is it? Yeah I'm such a loser .... Indeed it is people like you who have kept me back all these years. As a self conscious individual with low self esteem ... I have been fair game for "studs" like you. Yes perhaps I was lucky. It has certainly helped me in my self confidence ..... What is wrong with that? The methodology I used was helpful for me in dealing with my anxiety and being able to speak to women .... Even if I may have appeared as such a loser to studs like you. Yes she may have been drunk, perhaps you might even suggest she may have felt sorry for me. In any event I got much further than at any stage of my life before. I am not here to brag. All I wanted to point out is the power in the techniques I have used. My Christian mindset is not to propogate theories proposed by the "game" but rather to give people hope that even if they are as screwed up as myself, there is still hope. I know this is not a dating site, but perhaps you could share your wisdom in what makes a woman hot and bothered? I would certainly like to learn from a stud like yourself who has almost certainly had more than 1 sexual encounter ( 2 if you count my sexual abuse) in 39 years. As for me being well and stable, not ready and able ..... Heck why not .... Why not put me back in my place. Back into my box where I belong. After all I am certainly not as cool or the stud you obviously like to proclaim to be. P. s. if the shoe was on the other foot I would say congratulations for overcoming your fears, being able to look past sneering self satisfied cocks who have learned to play the game at a young age. Perhaps you too can find happiness in your life? j
  5. It is not my belief that it is solely NLP that is helping me achieve health and happiness. I do not discount anything. What I do take objection to is the glorification and respect shown to consultants with a traditional bent on things and who are unwilling to take risks and think outside of the box. My consultant is a case in point. When I spoke to her a few months ago about my decision to get off the meds she told me that I am more than likely to relapse.... Thank God this bint us discharging me in March. When I spoke of the therapy sessions I had with my therapist, she seemed to have little knowledge of what was involved. Either that, or she simply didn't care. The way she spoke to me was with haughty condescension as if she had some kind of ego to stroke. When she found out that I liked o drink during the weekends, but had quit and gone on a juice diet, she asked me if I got the shakes. I learned later that she didn't drink due to religious convictions. If you would like to take advice from such narrow minded bigoted people be my guest. As far as I am concerned I know what has worked for me, and am convinced a different approach is needed in the mental health profession full stop. Good luck in your endeavors!
  6. I didn't tell this lady about my problems until after we had sex. Thanks for not judging. The NLP stuff I used for myself to keep my anxiety at bay. I have very little game, but am getting there. All I want is a long lasting relationship. If I need to develop skill and style to achieve this then so be it.
  7. Fair enough to both of your comments. Regarding the first one. I really am not sure how to respond. Schema therapy has worked for me in that it has made me aware in what made me "tick" I was using some pretty fucked up coping strategies and compartmentalised stuff to run away from anxiety, my true self etc. One really needs to take a look at one's own experiences and circumstances to see what works! Success leaves clues baby - Tony Robins's words not mine. As for PTSD, anxiety, psychosis, depression, OCD etc. not sure which one I'm tackling and when. My only concern is to sort my issues out. Dealing with the pathology is not dealing with the root of the problem. If someone needs some personal help - be it computer stuff such as excel, word etc. or just some general advice (I live and breathe psychology 24/7) then U am always willing to help. Unfortunately, in forums such as these it is not always possible to maintain focus and some guys may also be bashful (it would be helpful if this place had a friend section where people can talk in private). As you are probably aware I am a Christian guy. All the women I was chatting to in the bar were completely aware what the score was. Books like the Game are 50% fiction anyways. It is pretty much a numbers game. I am really shocked how my night panned out, it was as if some outside force calibrated it to perfection. I was using anxiety to excitement reframe methodology together with body posturing to initiate state change .... and it worked. Then following this, together with match and mirroring technique I was able to get into rapport with this doctor guy in this socialising club I joined (incidentally to help me with my social anxiety) This guy must have asked every single woman out in the club. He must have put me on the spot several times as I was forced to talk to a multitude of random women. I am not even sure how I managed to pull this lady. Do however note that after we "did it" I told her I was a virgin to which she responded she was not surprised (obviously eating her out is not something one does straight away .... You need to build it up through foreplay. In any event we did it twice. Must have lasted several hours. I tried to orgasm but couldn't. Also was only semi erect - she was of the opinion that it was anxiety performance .... Maybe she was right .... Who knows? Do I regret it? Yes and no. This experience has helped to rewire my brain. When I see a woman's form, my only concern is will I ever be able to match the expectations I previously had of what it would be like. I am really self conscious of my size especially given the fact that I could barely feel this lady. From a religious standpoint I am really confused ..... a 39 year old virgin is ard to come by these days. What I really want us a deep connection, and this sex thing was getting in the way! Maybe that will change now. Also a lot of girls I spoke to hinted at my age.... There is also a tinge of resentment at all those missed years and opportunities of what could have been. On the flip side there is gratitude at the insight of what my experiences have given me. So .... All things happen for a reason? God is not the orchestrator of all the mishaps in one's life, but he can certainly utilise someone's experiences and turn these into a positive... Give it increased strength, an ability to help and empathise with others etc. etc. PS not sure if the lady I was with was happy to be used in the manner you claim she was but I will tell you this. After texting her, she told me it felt great to feel human again. She was actually after a one night stand! Was I used ..... Perhaps? Was she used? Perhaps ? Was anyone hurt? Not sure .... One thing's for certain I do feel different, this experience can only do good for my confidence and anxiety!
  8. @saveyoursanity thank you for your contribution. Although certain aspects of NLP do have a placebo effect (indeed same goes for pharmaceuticals), others have been proven to work in scientific tests. Even my therapist who works under traditional NHS consultants can see the benefits if NLP. Do note I do not discount other techniques and approaches such as CBT and other more traditional methods. Indeed I use these as well in my personal development. This is why I think your comments are unhelpful - From my perspective, even if I have succumbed to a placebo effect, your comments are really quite discouraging. As Henry Ford states.... If you think you can you will, if you think you can't you won't. You also remind me of a 19th century French literature convict who goes off the rails when he finds out that the other condemned prisoner who was supposed to get killed with him is pardoned. From other peoples perspective. If it works for someone else, then perhaps it will also work for them as well. each our own! Everyone is different, I guess it comes down to your personal circumstances. Please note that In the past I have been diagnosed with psychosis, never kissed a girl, afraid to o out, incapable of maintaining a job. Now I am exposing myself to highly stressful situations, I am running my own business and have the whole future in front of myself. Another thing some of the naysayers may have against me is the following. Everything in life happens for a reason. It is my belief that we all have a higher purpose in life other than simply ourselves. I believe in paying stuff forward and helping others in their struggles (even staff members ;-)). In this vein I propose the following. If anyone thinks they can benefit from my experiences .... Please do not hesitate to contact me on [edited for OP's own protection] and I will be very happy to help.
  9. Quick update. I went out last night and ended up playing wing man to this drunk guy. Don't know how, but I ended up making out with this girl. Brought her back to my place but couldn't get it up ....... Not sure if it had anything to do with the alcohol or performance anxiety issues. Anyways, just wanted to let you guys know that this NLP stuff is powerful stuff! I'm going to see if I can build on these successes!
  10. Hi politicat. First of all congratulations on lasting more than 4 years in your previous job. You should be proud of this acheivement! How did you manage to do this? Did you do anything differently in that environment than you have done previously? When you speak of noise in your head .... what do you mean? Everyone has self talk to a lesser or greater extent. Very often it could be very critical. Try not to put yourself down so much .... for example "I don't even know Word or Excel, which were mentioned in the job listing but not in the interview, and I'm lousy at math, which was also mentioned." Focus on what you are good at. There was a time when I didn't know Word or Excel ..... everyone has to start somewhere
  11. Agree with Titiana. With that kind of attitude you will never be successful at what you do. The first thing you need to tackle is your insecurity complex. Why is your perception confined to ... I will never be successful because I can't handle being a manager. There are many careers you can do without being a so-called manager. Naturally if you're successful at what you do people will want to be mentored by you, so by default you will become a manager. For me I have found that thinking and trying to help others brings you out of your shell and makes you more fulfilled as a person. My advice to you is to think a bit beyond yourself.
  12. In some ways I agree with you guys. Embrasing your insecurities is a good way to connect with your inner child. Trying to understand your child's need and providing it with the comfort and security it needs is a great way to heal! Thanks again guys :-)
  13. Not sure I agree with you there Rosie. My aim is to become entirely secure in who I am, and in the process help others. With regards to you doing things in spite of insecurities, I find that commendable. It reminds me of a TED talk where the therapist advised listeners to fake it 'til they make it. Interesting thought about me not being able to make it through the door. I guess my fear of rejection and what that would do to my self esteem was greater there, in any event, the emotion was just too strong there. I will continue with this endeavour until things become more manageable. My main problem is that of intimacy, and I'm seriously considering seeking "professional" help even if that goes against my religious and moral convictions.
  14. Not sure I agree with you there Rosie. My aim is to become entirely secure in who I am, and in the process help others. With regards to you doing things in spite of insecurities, I find that commendable. It reminds me of a TED talk where the therapist advised listeners to fake it 'til they make it. Interesting thought about me not being able to make it through the door. I guess my fear of rejection and what that would do to my self esteem was greater there, in any event, the emotion was just too strong there. I will continue with this endeavour until things become more manageable. My main problem is that of intimacy, and I'm seriously considering seeking "professional" help even if that goes against my religious and moral convictions.
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