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Ever

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  1. Just wondering. If there was a cure for bipolar would you take it? How would you feel about it? Would you jump for it or hesitate?
  2. It can make me even crazier to start trying to line up my symptoms with all of the "rules" and "criteria". Bipolar existed before the DSM. They are just trying to force a template down over it which is important and helpful but it also makes us disqualify ourselves from certain things because we don't fit the criteria perfectly. Every single one of us has a different and individual form of bipolar even though there are many strong similarities. If it feels like your hypomania to you even though you are sleeping than it seems like it is probably a hypomania with sleepiness. Stranger things have happened. I was batshit manic for four months and slept well though I had a newborn but the whole time I was like well I can't be manic because I am tired and sleeping well. Well dude I was receiving important messages from spirits and all kinds of shit like that. Um yeah. That is mania for me. I don't just do shit like that normally tho I am spiritual. There is a line! Right. Oh and your description of how you feel right now with the spirituality and the emotion and all of that. I totally relate.
  3. There is lots of good advice here. I just wanted to say that I have had extremely long hypomanias as well. Bipolar is just way too complicated. I am currently on my seventh pdoc. I have a very good reason for dumping each one. I am crossing my fingers about my current one. Good luck.
  4. Thanks for sharing this. It all sucks but it always helps me to come here and see that other people understand how I feel.
  5. I have not dreamed I was hypomanic but I did have a dream the other night in which I was totally depressed. It was very real and vivid and I woke up feeling really strange. It was a relief though to remember that I am not actually depressed right now. But I had to keep checking myself to make sure. So far so good. Altho everyone is pissing me off today....
  6. Oh god yes I get agitated in depression. Have spent large chunks of my life like that. I call it "all revved up and feelin like shit". It is terrible. It even makes me long for just the plain depression without the agitation. At least then you can just lie on the bathroom floor not moving and feel I don't know numb or detached or crazy or some shit like that but ugh with the agitation on it..... It is like you can't get comfortable in any position any thought any space anywhere. I don't really have any advice. The only thing that helped me was benzos. But now I am on Lamictal too. So I don't really know.
  7. I also have anxiety. Klonopin has been amazing for me. I have weaned off of it for now so I am trying to find other ways to calm. Not so easy. Therapy has helped me with the anxiety in ways. CBT has been helpful. I am currently trying to do more DBT self help and looking for a DBT therapist or group because it is really working for me so far.
  8. When I am depressed. Even a little bit. I start to get the crazy thoughts that don't even seem to come from me. I start worrying about my ability to stay safe behind the wheel. I know those thoughts. I know the levels. If I am stable I don't really have them and if I do I can see their truth. If my brain has been hijacked I am very vulnerable to those thoughts. Usually when I am depressed I have to hand the keys over. Often times some anxiety will get mixed in with this because I am afraid if what I will do and I will end up in a state of conflicted anxious wishy washy flailing about trying to know whether or not I can drive or if I am just being all crazy and anxious. I went to a shrink once when I was cycling pretty bad and tried to talk to him about how I was afraid to drive but what I couldn't get through to him was that I wasn't afraid to drive because I was having anxiety about having an accident or something (this was how he was addressing the issue) but that I was afraid to drive because I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to ignore the crazy thought intrusions telling me to drive my car off the road to just end it all when I am in so much pain from depression. But yeah he didn't get it. We had a very awkward. Bipolar confuses people. Even shrinks.
  9. I am mostly interested here in what Bipolar people have found useful in therapy. That is why I posted here.
  10. Thanks for all of your replies. Very helpful. Forgetmenot, I am not aware of what ACT is and would love to know. It seems like the therapy thing really varies by individual and by therapist and fit. I have done like the lets talk about stuff therapy. Which was sometimes helpful but many times I just left feeling like what was the point of that? But I was going through a hard time and it just helped me to go I guess. The one I am with now is more sort of goal oriented or at least purports to be. Goal oriented I like because I feel like we have a plan and are not just chit chatting. She had said that she does CBT but we have done no CBT. She is very into EMDR which I am just not sure about. The insights I come up with while doing it are not that different from what I come up with on my own while lying in bed or showering. She is just always all trying to connect everything to my childhood and "undo" shit and stuff and I guess that is good. I did a lot of that in talking with my first therapist (I moved that's why I stopped seeing her btw). And I have made some good progress with childhood issues with this new therapist. I don't know that it is making sense for me to go to her every single week though. Maybe I am wack and not doing EMDR right but I am just disinterested in doing EMDR every week on some emotion she thinks will connect to something or whatever. If I actually am having an issue I guess that would be different. Although when I have actually gone while very upset about an issue it has been a complete waste. I too like CBT and DBT as ways to get myself out of stuck places and stuff that has the potential to knock me off balance. It has been very handy with anxiety but if I am truly depressed I can't quite make it work. I have basically gotten by knowledge of those two things from books and workbooks on my own. I have a husband and friends to whom I am accountable. And I have a bunch of best friends with whom I share everything. So I don't really feel the need for accountability or a place to share. I guess I just don't know exactly what I want or need from therapy right now. Maybe that is the problem. Maybe I should just take a little break. And maybe I should ask my current therapist if we can cool it with the EMDR and see if I can get something out of it. Hmmm. Thanks for making me think guys.
  11. And if so what exactly is it about the therapy or what your therapist does (style etc) that you find helpful? I would really like to know. I feel like I have gotten some good things out of therapy. I just also feel kinda bleh about it and am wondering if I should try a different kind or something.
  12. My husband was with me long before I got my dx three years ago. But it has really only been this year that we have really figured out how to work around this shit as you are talking about. I think two things are important and necessary 1. He had to understand the disorder. Meaning he has to get that it is an illness not a choice. He has to know all the brain chemistry this is a real illness all physical in the brain type stuff. Otherwise it is really hard for them to not get hurt by our behaviors sometime. I think books and articles help a lot in addition to you explaining it. Books and articles show that you are not alone and he is not alone and that it is a real disease. 2. You have to communicate about what is happening in you. AND he has to HEAR and adjust to it. This is very hard for me because I feel like I should just buck up and make dinner even though I feel very fragile and it might end in a tantrum or something like that. I generally feel like I should be able to deal and I feel silly or babyish or all diva princessy saying I can't handle certain things (like cooking or you know turning the lights on) so I try to deal and it generally all goes to hell in a hand basket. When I actually tell him what is going on in me as clear as I can and he sensitively hears me and is supportive and protective then we are fine. Even if we are just hanging doing things together and I am struggling but trying and he KNOWS that and knows to go real gentle with me then we are okay. When he understands that I need space and patience and love then it is okay. Obviously it doesn't always work. Sometimes I am too off to communicate well. Sometimes he isn't his best self and just isn't connecting to my place or pain in the moment and at these times I feel that it is best to damage control and minimize interaction so you don't fuck up your relationship. Seriously what has worked best for me when I feel he isn't getting it is to just be sick. I mean that is what it is anyway. But when you are sick nobody blinks an eye when you stay in bed or lie on the couch or ask for a cuddle or some alone time. It is just okay. So saying "I just really don't feel well" is not a lie at all. It is the truth and sometimes that is what makes more sense to your SO because they know how to handle that kind of illness. Make any sense? So that is what I think has worked for us...educate, communicate, and just be sick. Sorry to hear your heading into a depression. Hope it turns around for you soon.
  13. A lot of what you describe I can relate to. Your descriptions of being pulled apart from the inside are totally how it has felt for me. The one big mixed I had was terrible and it was how I ended up getting my dx. I had the pure manias and depressions for years but never really thought anything of it. But when this hit I could tell something was really wrong me so I sought out a therapist who sent me to a pdoc but I couldn't get in for months and but the time I did I was numbed out and severely depressed which I guess is better than hospitalized of something but yeah. I know that this isn't an official dsm thing but I swear I have had mixed hypomanias as well. Rather a lot. They are not like the big bad mixed but it feels like that just I don't know less somehow. But still pretty awful. I guess like lots of people I don't feel like many of my highs or lows are pure anymore. They are sort of one big mess. I love coming here too and being to talk about this stuff openly and honestly with people who get it and who won't freak out.
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