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About Theperfectdrug

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  1. So, I have both researched and assessed myself to be, and verified the situation with my therapist recently that I have an anxious avoidant attachment style. Yes, the yeti of attachment styles both anxious and avoidant. I'm pretty sure I started out with an anxious attachment, and developed the avoidant behavior as a defense mechanism because of how badly that style worked out for me. It built walls over time. I have decided that I want to fix this situation. Both fortunately and unfortunately I've recently started a promising relationship for the first time in years. We have a breakfast date in 6 hours, the 4th date this week, though we've known each other to some extent for almost 6 weeks. Things are great, and I REALLY want to be fixed and "secure" by breakfast right now . The more things go well, the scarier it becomes though. Every time we get past another "milestone" (for lack of a better word) I'm relieved, but then worry about messing up the next step. We've only recently even held hands or kissed, so sex isn't an issue really. As advised by my therapist I'm being cognizant of my irrational thinking that makes me insecure, and evasive when I don't want to be. I'm just having trouble stopping the preoccupation with how to handle the next text or date. I know that I have no reason to feel worried about the relationship at this point; he's smart, funny, kind, thoughtful, and totally crazy about me. Unfortunately I've not yet mastered the art of being able to stop thinking about what I've said, he's said, what or how I'm going to say something or handle a situation, or what he's going to say or do, always with the fear that he's going to discover who I "really am" and not like me anymore. There are some reasons to be concerned about relationship viability in the future because of known differences in political and religious beliefs. We have discussed that him being Conservative and me being Liberal is probably an issue, but we're not talking about it (though we graze topics frequently, and reroute the conversation) because we wanted to see if anything was there if we didn't, and THERE IS ! But I'm scared that those beliefs represent important core beliefs that will become deal breakers once addressed head on . I initially wanted to address the issues right away to just get that out of the way, but then things went well, and I don't want to ruin it now. I smile whenever we're together, and when we talk; he makes me laugh a lot ! Isn't that what's important? We have so many other things in common too. Not the least of which is that this is what we've both been looking for in a relationship and mutual chemistry . We've both been looking for someone that makes us feel this way for too long without much luck. Why should I sabotage it for Obama, Climate change, FOX, or minimum wage ? I can't even put into words how conflicted I am about that last sentence . I wonder if other people would be... This is why this is a topic post and not a diary entry, I can't always tell what's a worry based on my maladaptive thinking related to anxious/avoidant attachment, anxiety, what-have you's of insecurity, and what's worth worrying about or not . I want very badly to have a healthy relationship with this person I don't want to screw it up not based on if we're right for each other or not, but because of my perceprtions of insecurity, abandonment, and rejection . I feel like it could be really great in a lot of ways. I'm afraid in a lot of ways too though. Can anyone make any suggestions on how to perhaps look at things differently to cope with anxiety and worry that I know is unfounded or irrational or comment specifically on fixing an anxious attachment style? Or... well I guess comment on the political “issues”? I am already working on the whole be aware of my thoughts and feelings as to recognize as much as I can what isn't real or rational anyway. I'm just starting the process, but I want to do it right with this guy. He deserves a good person who will appreciate him, and treat him well as much as I do. Anybody out there?
  2. I'm glad to hear it, and it sounds like you're feeling better about at least that much. Every little bit helps.
  3. Thanks Pseudopod. I think this stuff just agreed with my system less and less as the level built up. I hadn't had any nausea or anything similar until a couple days before even without food. Last night I had eaten before taking it and everything. Then when I finally did sleep I woke up with a migraine and I'm still feeling sick. I can't deal with these side effects in addition to my other physical health problems. I appreciate all your help very much thanks.
  4. Thanks guys. I tried it yesterday, and it went so so as far as sleeping, totally allowed me to funtion today, but I took it a couple hours ago and now I'm getting the nausea really bad. it seems like the longer I take it the worse the side effects are getting . I thought the side efffects were supposed to get better after a couple weeks...? Right now there's no way I can sleep, it's all I can do not to puke my guts out. Did you guys have anything similar, or have you heard of anyone else whose side efffects just continued to progress? Correction: Just puked my guts out, so I guess it was more than I could do. I'll call my PCP tomorrow, there's no getting my pdoc to respond until I go back in 2 weeks...I hope they're cool with me quitting this stuff; it's been nothing but trouble. I hope they'll give me something else, but if not, nothing is better than this.
  5. Due to red tape it seems that I must at least give Straterra a good shot even though I hear from both my pdoc and PCP that it's not very effective most of the time, is very expensive, hard on your liver, and heavy in side effects. So, since I wasin the middle of a cluster of headaches for almost 2 months, and having nausea, cold sweats and the like from Imitrex when it was finally Rxed, I waited to start it until a week or two ago when the migraines had finally stopped. From what I've read I'm prety lucky to just be getting the fatigue and forgetfulness -type side effects fromt his stuff. I also understand that it takes weeks to wknow if it will work, and the side effects last about as long, then of course return when the dosage is upped. Who has the freaking pacience for this??? Seriously, WTF??? So, my question is if anyone who has had to deal with this decided to take it at night instead since it makes you sleepy anyway. You know, to get through the side effect time period so that you can make any progress? Right now I don't want to take this crap. It's making the things I'm taking it to help worse! And for how long do I have to do this before I can either get another medication or leave this crap alone???...Or miracle of all miracles if it works, how long do I have to wait for that benefit?? :'( Sorry, the real question does anyone see a poblem with taking it at night to help with the sleepy side effects and make it through the side-effect time period? Thanks for any help anyone can offer.
  6. Could that explain my sinus congestion since I started it?? I'm just at a couple weeks, and I don't like this stuff, it makes me tired just at 25mg, plus I think blurred vision and I'm even more forgetful and dingy than ever! This is the opposite of what I wanted to get from this treatment! Has anyone every tried taking it at night instead, since it makes you so tired?
  7. You sound pretty "normal" to me too . With what you've experienced it's impressive that you are able to come here and tell your story. I hope you're proud of that; you should be. Sometimes it's the little victories, you know? According to this article the two disorder are commonly confused, but you probably can't have both of those specific mood disorders. it gives an example of the difference between the two that should be pretty definitive in case you're interested in the labels at all or maybe the doctors are... http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/dependent-personality-disorder
  8. I don't mean to sound at all like what you've been through is anything less traumatic than you've said; I just want you to know that I was a lot like you almost 20 years ago, and my heart goes out to you. It took this long to get a diagnosis that makes sense to me, and shrinks to listen to me. I wish I had some advice for you to help you, but right now all I can tell you is that especially with suicide, you beat it day to day for a long time, not just one day it's gone from your *options menu* internally. I can tell you honestly that in over 25 years of dealing with severe depression and the like, my darkest days are almost always followed by one that is better...better enough to be glad you're still there to see it. You are at an age that you couldn't pay me to go back to because my teens were probably the worst decade of life. Give yourself a chance to know how much better your 20's will be! Hang in there, you have so much life ahead of you.(Sorry, I know it sounds cliche, but seriously don't judge life by what you're going through and have been through in your teens- being a teenager is really F'ing hard when you aren't *like everybody else* ). That part does get a bit easier once highschool is in the rearview. I hope this can bring you some comfort when you need it most. <3
  9. OMG your post touched my heart. How cool is this place? I haven't posted a hello ye; I just found this site a few hours ago, but the support system that appears to be here, and the almost ubiquitous personal honesty (including yours) is blowing me away. I identify with some of your issues, and I'm very far away from you, but I felt connected to you enough that I had to say hello, and tell you to hang in there. Thank you for sharing, looking, and hoping for a better day for yourself and your little girl. I'm inspired by your courage. Take Care.
  10. Crazy how much this place feels like home.

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