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Paranoidling

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  1. This topic is kinda old now, but I would like to update and say it's a thing that keeps happening. It's really a downer to be happy about an event and have a headache the week preceding up to it.
  2. Isn't Kava supposed to heal like... everything ever? That's the only thing I can think of right now, besides St Johns Wort and all those other herbaly things. It's supposed to be a cure-all for anything you can think of, but most people use it for sleep/anxiety/depression. (I don't condone it, I've never tried it. Just throwing it out there.)
  3. I second what Hester said. I very much care about people. I have been talking with quite a few depressed people lately. But sometimes I just don't know what to do or how to help. Suicidal people tend to shut down anything you throw at them, which can make it frustrating. This makes the people trying to talk you out of it feel just as helpless as you do. And of course we're still trying to figure out if we CAN do anything without crossing some sort of line or making the situation worse. By no means is it a burden on us; you're not being annoying; we're not giving up on you; we just simply don't know what to do. It's a very sticky situation for all parties. Health professionals know what to do though. They are trained in this unlike the average person. They would be of much help right now.
  4. My girlfriend and I both lost our fathers to illnesses. It's not quite the same, but the end results are. It is NOT better. I can tell you that right now, and I will tell you why. This is my perspective: I lost my dad to cancer when I was 7. I was small and didn't have an understanding of the world. I did not have much of an attachment to him at that point (nor with anyone else obviously because of the psychological stage I was at.) It did not affect me much to be honest, and it still doesn't. I wasn't able to come to terms with reality at that age so maybe it just never "set in." In modern times, I mourn over the fact that I don't have a dad, but I don't have too many of my own memories of him, so it just doesn't elicit much of a reaction from me. To me it is just something that happened and I don't think about it often. It's been long enough that I can shrug it off. My girlfriend is a different story. She lost her dad later, as a teenager. At her age (21) she was self aware. She had seen the world and what it had to offer. And it killed her to see her dad die. It still does. That's all she thinks about. Her already prevalent depression spiraled because of this. She's STILL IN THERAPY FOR IT, years later. She is still very much broken. Unlike me, she had a life full of memories of him. She got to know him. She got to really love him. He got to be a memorable part of her life. But all her big plans... being walked down the aisle, her kids having an amazing grandfather, moving her parents to a big beautiful house when they're older? Gone now. She lost him right smack as she was going into the real world. And I think that's what hurts the most for her, is that everything was falling into place and then he left. And that's why it's going to hurt your kids so much. Because they do understand things, they're not blissfully unaware anymore. You'll suddenly be ripped from them. The difference here is that they will have watched you do it yourself on your own accord. And they will have to pick up all the pieces. The rest of their lives they'll think about how you could have been there with them, but you weren't. I am not advocating "doing it now" of course. I don't think you should do it at ALL. But my point is it's going to hurt. It's going to hurt SO much for them. I don't think it's fair either you're trying to "show them how much you're suffering." That's almost like a weird revenge for something they never did. They probably already get that you are suffering. They don't need you to off yourself to see how much you're hurting. That doesn't justify it. It would be one thing if this was a serious terminal illness that was inevitably taking your life away. But you still have a choice in the matter. Make the right one.
  5. Was more concerned about how it made me suicidal. But I'm not gonna comment on this thread anymore, don't feel like fighting about it. :V
  6. You pee out the majority of the first pill. It takes it a month to get up to serum level where it does anything at all. I'm calling bullshit. Not exactly bullshit. I only took two pills. The first time I took it I thought it was working, I even briefly felt good after taking it. The next morning I vomited twice and questioned if I was pregnant. I took the pill again that night. More vomiting. Also psychosis and severe suicidal ideation (I have never seriously been suicidal before.) It was terrifying and I'm never doing that again. I haven't had lingering side effects like the other commenters but I can say it was fucking awful.
  7. Not proud to admit it but I do it too. It's the same feeling for me, it's satisfying, a release almost. I relate in that other places are not as enjoyable to pluck from. I used to pluck other places but I stopped. And I guess I just moved down to that area. I don't feel a need to quit because I'm not walking around nude or whatever. Like you I just end up doing it in the shower by myself so it's not like anyone else knows.
  8. That just happened to me. I went without a period for 3 1/2 months until about a week ago. And it came back with a vengeance! Dear god. I feel like it was building up all that time. The worst period I've ever had in my life. No particular reason for it happening. I'm otherwise pretty healthy. I've gone without periods for 2~ months quite a few times, it's just how my body works.
  9. Latuda was awful for me. I was being knocked out by 7PM. I had many issues with it; for one it didn't really fix anything in terms of mood/psychosis and for two it gave me so many horrible physical side effects I had to stop. I posted a rant about all the nasty things that happened to me on that drug... it's somewhere on this site. Not everyone has such a bad experience with it, but that's just mine.
  10. I just don't know why it triggers such a violent response... I don't know if I'd consider it a phobia because I'm not "afraid" per se. I know my phobias and what really triggers me and why but this one is just like, what?!
  11. In reality I've been dealing with this issue for a while but I wasn't sure HOW to talk about it. I still feel very strange. And I'm going to just be brutally honest and not cover anything up and let it sound crazy. Yes I might bring this up with a therapist at some point but I would like some input. I swear I'm not trolling, I love this site and want to stay, so please bear with me. I have a weird trigger. Or something that triggers a weird physical and emotional response. Ready? That trigger... is brown haired women (always light skinned) with brown eyes and certain face shapes and facial features. Very strange right? Vaguely racist or something maybe? I have NO idea where it comes from. I have had it most of my life I think. When I see certain people with the above traits it triggers a nausea/vomiting response. I literally find myself about to get sick if I don't stop thinking about it. I think I was able to avoid/ignore it for a really long time until I saw a certain album cover a few years ago featuring someone with those features and the response came back full force. And then I started watching a TV show with someone with those same features and the same response came back once again. There was even an anime with a character that bothered me for this very reason so apparently it's not just real life. I'm not actually emotionally repulsed by these people. Or even physically. I think they're quite pretty. I've had crushes on similar girls, brown hair and eyes. Many many crushes. But there's a specific face type (I guess?) that triggers this insane response? When I think about it I go into a weird PTSD-like mode. All I see is that face zooming in on me in my mind and then I feel myself about to get violently sick. I also get very edgy and anxious. I can only think of one person in my life that I have known since I was young with these features, but she never did anything traumatic to me (that I am aware) and was not a huge part of my life anyway. I decided to write about this today because I was watching said TV show (the one with actual humans) at work and I was about to get sick after seeing that character again. I'm queasy right now actually. Does anyone else get triggered by specific features on people, or get that nauseous vomiting response? I have no idea how to fix this or where to start. Any input would be helpful because I am lost.
  12. My best advice would be to seek out somewhere where there's already a lot of employees, and where the hours are long (as in how long they stay open). With a lot of employees working there is usually more room for shorter or custom hours, and if you can't make it to a shift someone else probably will. With longer hours there might be more small shifts to pick up. My friend works at a gym and her hours there are pretty flexible; she usually works less than 6 hours at a time. I work in hospitality/social services (it was an entry level job, mind you, so don't get discouraged!) so my job is "open" 24/7 and always needs people who are willing to work pretty much anything. Sometimes my coworkers just work for 2 or 3 hours and that's it. Anyone who works the graveyard shift at my job is also considered a saint.
  13. My body temperature at it's core hasn't changed. I am usually 1 or 2 degrees below the average and that has stayed the same on Seroquel. However my heat regulation is very bad now. I overheat easily and have to be careful. I can only be in the sun for so long before I start getting nauseous and tired. And after finally going inside my skin still feels hot for hours, even if I didn't burn. It's the same with exercise. When I work out I really have to pace myself and drink a TON of water to stay cool and not sweat like crazy.
  14. If I'm talking to someone of authority (usually at my job) or someone I don't know I stutter and my voice moves around weirdly. It also happens when I'm nervous at all. I'll be talking to someone normally and then halfway through the sentence I'll have a weird twist on a certain word. Sometimes my "no" will come out like a more English "nou." Haha. It gets irritating. I have to literally stop talking for a second and gather myself and start over with what I was trying to say. I'm sure the people around me think I'm crazy. And as for grimacing I do that too. My girlfriend notices it and asks why I'm suddenly making a weird face when I'm completely fine. One time it happened before we were about to start um... doing things. I really was turned on but my face said otherwise LOL
  15. I never had that problem with Mirtazapine. My Seroquel bottles, however... ugh. Potent.
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