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Fubar

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Everything posted by Fubar

  1. Yesterday, I bought over $400 in MAC makeup & about $600 on a Coach purse & wallet...had to have the wallet - everything must match. Of course, I didn't have the money to spend on it
  2. The Manic Side of Me! Things I say or do! Sleep: who needs it! Racing Thoughts: all around me! Impulse Control: none, what's that? Shy, Timid, Hesistant: Hell No! I'm definitely the aggressor. When do I want it: Right Now!!! Shopping: Did somebody say mall? Where's the nearest ATM? Persuasive: I could make you do anything. Just look into these baby, brown eyes... Sex Drive: Grrr!!! I want it and I want it now! It doesn't matter where. Confused: No, I'm brilliant! Welcome to the Madness! Feelings: hmm, grandiose, on top of the world, untouchable! Other people's feelings: oh, did I hurt yours? Suck it up, you'll be alright. Reasoning: because I felt like it. Do I care: Fuck No! I don't need you! Agitated: Why do you keep pestering me? Go away because I don't need you. Didn't you hear me the first time? Paranoid: I know someone keeps following me. Don't you see them? Why are you trying to blame me for this fiasco? I didn't do anything wrong. . What's your problem? Fidgety, nervous: No, I just can't sit still. I’m just a little hyper is all. Yelling: What, who's yelling? What is your fucking problem? Rules, Laws? So we bend them a little bit. No one will find out! Mean, vindictive, conniving: They fucked with the wrong beotch! I'm talking too fast for you? Then you need to start listening. Hello, what I'm saying is important! Music? Turned up as loud as I can get it! Wait? Who's got time to wait! I've got places to go & people to see! Ask me to be quiet? And I'll just talk louder out of spite! Hypocrite? That was then, This is now! Sad? I can't recall the last time I was sad to be right honest. Medicated? Of course, can't you tell? Driving too fast? Stop being such a cry baby! Do you need me to fix it? Let's see, I've got my power tools around here somewhere. Lie? Why would I do such a thing as that! Sensitive, Caring, Empathetic? Who's got time for all that! I cut for the adrenalin rush! Yes!!! Manic: Who me? You don't really know me! Stop your accusations! How long will this last? Only time will tell.
  3. I was probably 13. I'd like to say I'm cured but I know that I'm not. I am disgusted by my weight currently.
  4. I'm so tired of taking meds that it's not even funny. So frustrated I guess because there seems to be no light at the end of my tunnel. Today is such a bad day...
  5. Think about it this way...no one is perfect. Accept the fact - what meds work for one may not work for another People in your life will probably not understand you because they don't have bipolar. There's nothing wrong with having to be hospitalized Take your meds!!! Always be upfront with your pdoc. If you don't feel comfortable with doing that then you might want to look into getting a new pdoc
  6. People can say certain things, certain smells will effect me, and I typically have flashbacks when I'm down. When I am manic, I can't hear the voice inside my head. In mania, I'm too busy in the moment to think about it.
  7. They do have a tendency not to believe you because sometimes you didn't even realize that you're going into manic state. I'll give you an example...you start talking faster then you normally would. Also, jumping from subject to subject is another indicator. There are so many things that are red flags. Sometimes, I can realize that I'm going into a mania but not always. Hope this helps some
  8. Let's see, oh the things I can name. In one weeks time I spent over $3000 on makeup.
  9. Geez you'd think I was Satan reincarnated. Yes, I know that what I did was wrong and no I'm not an alcoholic. I usually do what I'm going to say that I'm doing. Maybe, that was the wrong example to use obviously. So let's start this over again. I'm not allowed to have any friends, I'm constantly told that I need to eat (I think at 37, I would know when I was hungry) and no I'm not underweight by any means. He calls me every couple of hours wanting to know what I'm doing and where I'm at. He tells me when I should go to bed and what to watch on tv. These are better examples hopefully.
  10. I feel like this crap is a curse. I decided to go to a psychologist for testing just so I could maybe understand myself. When I got the results it stated that I had mixed personality disorder (FML). What that means is that I fit into a lot of different disorders. I knew that I had some kind of personality disorder but damn really. My tdoc says sometimes it's a bad thing to take those tests because it confirms that you are totally f**ked up. It's right there in black & white!!! So depressing
  11. Well, my pdoc put me on a new med in hopes that it will help. We are doing drastic changes so I'm a little leery. This is my cocktail: equetro, Wellbutrin, zoloft, pamelor, klonipin, rozerem, & know fetzima (which is a fairly new drug). I'm supposed to be weaning myself off the pamelor and Zoloft. I'm to the point of feeling completely hopeless. I know that I need to do what the pdoc says but I want to get better sooner rather than later. I've decided to not wean myself off the meds just to see if it will flip my mood. My only concern is that I hope that it doesn't make me agitated.
  12. I feel you! What's sad is I feel like I can't be myself!!! I don't know if this happens to you but when people want to get to you than all the bad things you've done get thrown in your face.
  13. I know that my bipolar is severe but I'm an adult. My spouse treats me like a child. He wants to where I am & what I'm doing 24/7. It gets really frustrating because there are so many things I'm not allowed to do. Example, the other night, I was supposed to go to a Zumba class but I just couldn't make myself go. I ended up a bar and had a few drinks (yes, I know that I'm not supposed to drink with the meds). I was just to the point of wanting to give up. I never drink & drive so I called my husband to come pick me up. He started yelling at me and bombarded me with accusations and other stupid bullshit. I was like would you prefer me to drive home. I thought I was doing the right thing by calling. Does anyone have this problem whether it be a spouse, significant other, or a family member?
  14. Here are the following things I hate people saying: First, of course, is what is wrong with you & why can't you control it -You need to get out of bed; it's only going make you feel worse -Why are you crying, you have such a good life -this is one of the worst: I know how you feel (wtf) -pull yourself together -don't tell your doctor that you're feeling suicidal because I don't want you in the hospital -you're a nutcase -why can't you sleep or why are you sleeping all the time -what's wrong -you should be able to control your shopping habits
  15. For starters I'm as fucked up as my name implies. I have bipolar 1, anxiety disorder, PTSD, personality disorder (I fit into so many categories that it's pathetic), and I have had issues with eating disorders. I've been diagnosed since I was 19 so this is not my first pony ride. I tried for years convincing myself that I didn't have it. I'm on my third marriage (shocking isn't it - lol). I have ruined many relationships with people and even with my own kids. I have self destructed so many times that it's not even funny. I've tried to commit suicide throughout the years and been in a couple of comas due to it. Of course, been in and out of hospitals. When times are good they're real good (gotta love that mania until the lack of sleep & agitation kicks in. Then, when times are bad they are really bad.
  16. Just started Fetzima today...ought to be interesting to see if it works. Definitely, can't find much on it. I only stumbled across this forum due to a web search.
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