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irishwildfire

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  1. Hello everyone. I suppose the idea is to post about why I'm here, so I might as well get started. I had Epilepsy until I was about eleven years old. When that went away they figured out I had ADHD, but it was not deemed severe enough to warrant medication. I had trouble in school. I was sociable enough, but five years of homeschooling had left me almost completely devoid of knowledge of social norms. You can imagine how that went. I learned how to more keep my mouth shut, but school became increasingly difficult. Not because of the material. but I was so afraid of disapproval that school became a place of severe anxiety. Because of my ADHD, I had difficulty telling the passage of time, and so what I thought was a three minute trip to the water fountain or bathroom was in fact fifteen. I would put off assignments that made me nervous until the last minute, but then they were only more difficult to get through. I avoided my peers religiously, because I was so afraid of not being accepted. When I reached high school it got easier. I met more and more people with whom I could share a mutual understanding, as well as teachers who not only understood my shortcomings, but embraced my strengths, and encouraged me in them. By the time I reached my last two years I had begun to conquer my anxiety. Unfortunately, it was then that a recurring problem reared its ugly head once again. Someone please tell me if this is normal or not. I would just be sitting in a classroom, doing a fairly simple assignment or test, but if I was caught off-guard by something, even the smallest thing, it was like my senses went into overdrive. I could hear every single conversation going on in the room at once and my brain was trying to listen in on all of them but I couldn't make out a word. My eyes would try to focus in on everything and even the sensation of my clothes on my arms or legs drove me insane. I could not tune anything out. And when I tried to do things like listen to music, which helped block it all out, teachers wouldn't let me, and the inability to stop it only made it worse. These attacks faded a bit after i graduated, but this past fall I had a whole host of family issues, and my whole world fell out from under me. Now I have more trouble focusing than ever, and I need meds to drive but I cant take even the smallest dose because it aggravates my anxiety and affects my heart in a way it shouldn't, but I have to finish college applications and I just can't even start because of my anxiety and focus issues. I joined this site because even my mom, who by far understands best what is going on, does not realize exactly how crippling this is for me, and I need a place to talk about this because it just keeps getting worse.
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