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Everything posted by ocdeb

  1. I mean, I think it's just part of the deal. Doesn't seem like it would fall into a psychotic category. Doc sounds a bit.. Idkb harsh? Insensitive? Unfamiliar? I think it's really hard for people without this disorder to grasp what we experience. If you are so overwhelmed by fear, it's easy to start believing the the stuff your brain comes up with it. We can be very convincing in our delusional details. My best example for you right now is how I cannot order food from any sort of Uber, grubhub, etc. I am afraid they've poisoned the food. I can go into great detail as to why and how they might do it, while the people around me assure me that (for whatever reasonnthey didn't.) At this point I know it's irrational and delusional, but it still comes up. I have thought it fell into like a paranoid schizophrenic type category but.. I mean these categories are so broad and our illnesses are misunderstood greatly. I think they need.to up the talk therapy portion, make it more intensive. Incorporate other aspects of treatment like maybe Craniosacral therapy? We have got to find ways to get to our core issues. Topping this shit off with drug after drug is getting us nowhere.
  2. What an incredibly challenging way to have to start your day. I feel for you, I know it must be torture. I hope you are able to find some peace soon. This will sound ridiculous to some, but trusting in a higher power (whatever that may mean to you) plus well balanced meds, counseling, and energy healing have really turned my life in a better direction. I had always been addressing only the physical/mental aspects of my condition and never included the energetic and soul level challenges I was dealing with. You can start figuring it out by looking into your chakras (energetic centers of the body) and see where they are out of line. Some of the ways to balance them.can be so simple! Some things are harder, dealing with deep traumas (which most of us people.with anxiety disorders have.) I guess after this long ramble, what I am trying to say is modern medicine doesn't incorporate our energy body and healing mental illness while ignoring that aspect is so much harder. Make an appointment with your doc.too, line up your counseling, and start working from the core of.everything you are. Things will get better! Sending love your way! P.s. Praying to Michael the Archangel to take away your fears is a technique that I have also found highly effective. He is a brilliant energy. It could.work.. Or at the worst, it may not
  3. Hey, so my answer is going to sound a little crazy.. But thisn is crazyboards so here you go. I thinknwhen we get the thoughts lijemyou're describing, persecution type, paranoia thoughts that it might tie in to a past life that we have experienced. Like the events and trials of it were sp intense that it still manages.to.creep up on us in this present one. I personally have found.relief by asking myself whether this is.something I should be worried.about or is it just past life energy being carried over? A kind of weird journaling activity I have done too is to ask myself why? And allow my higher self (or imagination, whatever your belief) to come up.with the story that created this powerful energy. Once it is out on paper you can burn the paper or throw it out or just say out loud that you consciously choose to.release this energy from your life.. That it no longer serves you and your highest good. So you fave the pain, transmute it into creative writing, and then release it. Hope this was understandable. If you want help or anything, i don't mind helping. I have suffered from obsessivr thoughts for my entire.life. shit is not easy. I had to find new approaches.
  4. I'm sorry that you've been going through a rougher patch lately. I know how hard it is. Sometimes when I'm doing really bad I have to literally sit there and remind myself that these thoughts are not me. Gardening seems to help a lot for me, and my zoloft. Maybe some time in nature would help. There's an alternative therapy! You should look up "forest bathing"
  5. I understand how you feel about wanting to peel your skin. As an esthetician I would say to get a very mild exfoliant. (You can make one out of sugar and coconut oil to use in the shower) and gentlyscrub away the dead skin followed by an alcohol and fragrance free moisturizer. Preferably fatty (cocoa and she a butter bases products are great.) That will eliminate it so that you don't have to fight any picking urges. I understand how amazing it is to pick it.
  6. He's 7 months. I have never been away from him longer than 6 hours.. and that was for my birthday in October. The isolation from the world kills me sometimes.
  7. Anna, sometimes I get myself so worked up. I think last night when I took my medication I felt more relief and solace than I have felt in the past 7 months, even before that when I was pregnant. I almost had a panic attack from initially taking it though. I feel like such an idiot for being so afraid of these things. Makes me want to knock my head against the wall. It did make me feel a little fuzzy but not loaded or entirely too drowsy. I think I'll make sure to take less than the prescribed dose like I did last night if I do need to take it. I woke up fine with him this morning and I slept SO well. I appreciate your help. I feel like such a nut sometimes but when I was worked up I didn't realize how irrational I seemed. Hopefully the full effect of it wasn't as visible online. (a little embarrassed here lol)
  8. You're right about things being confusing during these times!! I discontinued breastfeeding at four months to address it, only to be prescribed wellbutrin-- which had the most terrible reaction with my body. My OCD and anxiety skyrocketed. I also cried every single day that I took it. I think a lot of my medication fears stem from that incident. I was hesitant to take it them anyway, and that surely didn't help. I'm now working with a counselor and psychiatrist every other week. It seems to be helping to some degree. I actually decided to take 1/4 of the clonozepam? (I can't spell) she prescribed me tonight because I am now a wreck. My fiance insisted. My sister was over here earlier and was carrying the baby and accidentally tripped and I watched her lose her balance and almost fall forward on top of him. It all happened in slow motion. She actually regained her footing and nothing happened but the horrific images of "What if" have been looping in my head ever since. Hopefully I will be able to breathe again when it kicks in.. now I am just afraid that I will be so doped up that I won't hear the baby cry.
  9. I have to note that when I made the comment about cleaning that I wasn't referring to people with actual cleaning compulsions, I was referring to people who think that keeping a nice house makes them OCD and don't suffer from the torment of the actual illness.
  10. I have the same problem. My "theory" on it is that the adrenaline released by the fears associated with our obsessive thoughts is what is exhausting us. I'm not a doctor and there is no scientific factual backing to this but it makes sense in my head. I know how you feel. It's as if the life has been sucked right out of you. I do the same thing.. go to caffeine, which never helps. They only seem to make it worse but we're expected to function and move around I guess.
  11. Thank you for sharing, Anna. Mine all started when he was a few days old and I had this overwhelmingly horrifying vision of him being put in the dishwasher. I can definitely relate to checking them and losing sleep due to fear of SIDS. That is still a compulsion I struggle with. Did you have fears about taking the medications themselves? It's very reassuring to hear that you responded well to the meds, regardless.
  12. I'm new to the forums. Hi. I'm so happy to have found them. I have this reassuring feeling I can finally talk to other people suffering with what I've been suffering with. The diagnosis brought a lot of light to something I've struggled with my entire life. Knowing that it's OCD has helped me cope a lot better but at the same time makes it feel a little more hopeless.. does that make sense? I have to note that I have a problem making posts because I will edit and redit and re-edit the thread due to fear that I may offend someone. I made a goal today to finally submit it. So I will. I get really frustrated trying to discuss it with anyone sometimes because for some reason everyone thinks it's a fun, cute thing to say. "Oh, I'm OCD too! I can't stand my house being dirty!" and i want to punch them. I wish I could trap my fiance in my head for a few hours so he could feel what I feel and possibly understand so that he didn't give me that "look" he seems to give me sometimes. So he realizes that I am suffering and that this thing going on in my brain is real. I mostly suffer from obsessions, so it has been a lot easier for me to hide. I did suffer from a few compulsions throughout the past 7 months since my son was born, though. Washing bottles.. after they had already gone through the dishwasher and then rinsing and then washing again, rinsing with tapwater, then rinsing with filtered water.. and often repeating. It took an incredible amount of time and energy and was leaving my hands raw and bloody. I was afraid the dishwashing detergent would make my son sick. I'm a stay at home mom and the isolation seems to intensify my obsessions. I have been trying to deal with this without using any psychiatric medications (OCD Handbook, meditation, breathing excercises, etc.) but my last "episode" (it was regarding intruders and it was horrifying) left me feeling so out of control that i finally decided to get on meds. Now, I'm struggling to take the medication. I am afraid that I won't be able to take care of my son properly, that it'll make me too drowsy, that I won't be emotionally engaged enough with him. The most horrifying of all is what I started worrying about two days ago and I'm almost afraid to talk about it but I need to express it somewhere. I am afraid that the medication will make something click in my head to where I lose control and kill the baby. Stab him, to be more accurate. I see myself going in the kitchen and getting this sharp knife and going into his room almost in some sort of sleep-walk state. I can't sleep at night because of it. How do you take your meds if you're too afraid to take them? Can anyone relate and how did you get through it? I just want to get better.. and be somewhat comfortable again. It's hard living like this.
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