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PseudoLucky_Peach

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  1. I am going through the same withdrawals now. its been three days thus far and i call it hell. It took about 5 weeks for all the symptoms to subside. If you've ever dt'd from heavy non-scripts, this was almost worse. Now that it's over, though? Like a distant memory.
  2. Slept in this morning. Revised goal: reverse effects of sleeping in.
  3. Same here. I suggest. But this was a change from when I was only seeing my PCP for anxiety/depression issues. I felt like I was limited in what I could ask for b/c they were limited in their knowledge of MI. When I finally met with a pdoc to better address my MI, I became a lot more vocal on what I needed from my meds. He has more experience, but, this is my body. I listen to my pdoc's recommendations, look it up myself, and we discuss the pros and cons. I wanted a long-term med that would help with anxiety, panic and depression. He suggested celexa, I went with it. It worked well, but after a year, the side effects--(weight gain, never wanting to be intimate)--were too much. I researched SSNRIs which I had never even considered. He was one step ahead of me and suggested Cymbalta or Effexor. I told him I preferred something not quite as damaging for my liver, and I had read that Pristiq (sister of Effexor) met that criteria. He went with it. I loved Pristiq, but gained a ton of weight on it and eventually became lethargic. So, I asked if we could try something more along the lines of a stimulant, and I threw Wellbutrin out there. He was apprehensive b/c there is the possibility it will make anxiety/panic worse, but then again, meds affect every body differently, so he was willing to give it a go. And it's still too early to tell. My pdoc and I seem to agree that managing MI is trial and error when it comes to meds. He understands that I am proactive/bossy, I understand that he writes the 'scripts. We talk.
  4. Finish 15+ pages of req'd writing. I'm about 5pgs in and it's almost 2pm PST. --Try not to worry about the 10pgs I need to get through tomorrow. (This is me, taking a break. I've been concentrating on trying to focus my attention for too long. Must try to cram in other stimuli!!!)
  5. -- I called myself the "couch caterpillar" after gaining about 30lbs in a little over a year on celexa (slow gain), and then pristiq (fast gain). I would've continued on celexa b/c it worked well for my anxiety. But I had no mood variations or interest in sex, and I gained weight. In the first few weeks on pristiq, I had a ton of positive, productive energy. I thought, I found my miracle pill! "If it seems too good to be true. . ." The honeymoon was over within a few months. It took me another month to realize that pristiq was causing me to load on pounds. I had no desire to leave my couch, and would do so only to take care of necessary things (including my very active child). I wasn't more depressed, just lethargic. Sitting on my ass and eating was like, the best of all of the things. I rarely felt satiated. I saw myself in some photos and thought, holy crap! Why didn't anyone tell me I was getting so big!? I look like an effin caterpillar! I saw diabetes in my future. Thus ended my relationship with pristiq. It was a bit devastating because it had helped immensely with my anxiety. Currently on my second week of wellbutrin sr, 200mgs. Will probably get up to 300mgs by the end of the 6-week acclimation period. I take between .5-1mg of ativan a one or two times a week. So far, I feel better. Different. More energy, and focus is very slowly coming back. I am not half as hungry, and I get "full" again. However, I can't yet say whether this is due to starting the wellbutrin, or stopping the pristiq. I'm hoping it's the wellbutrin, or at least that it will help me keep my energy up and appetite down. I want a healthy relationship with food again. Not to mention life!
  6. I'm no pharmaceutical expert so I do not claim to know if this will interfere with your current meds and/or health dx. But, plain old Benadryl. I can't recommend it enough. It is gentle, but oh-so-effective. I am a lifelong insomniac. Melatonin ony works for me when I am on the verge of sleep but can't quite get there. Benadryl (generic or brand name) is the only pharmaceutical I will take because it doesn't have that laundry list of side effects, or come with a rx price tag.
  7. Guilty of both! My posts are generally long, and I usually sigh and avoid long posts! (Not totally true. I will read the beginning and end, and if they have diverged a bunch, I need to know more). My ability to focus/maintain attention has greatly diminished in the past year or so. It's always been bad, but it's gettin really bad! Yet, it's tempered by a near-obsessive tendency to overthink things. I am inclined to believe this has something to do with getting older! I have to say, though, that while I will always promote decent grammar and punctuation, I am not nearly as neurotic about the formatting of online posts. I mean, c'mon. If we're here to discuss MI, one could surmise that our thoughts aren't always linear, coherent, or structured in any standard way. Slack: Please, cut some. Shortest post, EVER!!!
  8. Thanks for the feedback, all. A quick talk with my pdoc, and he refilled my rx. He was under the impression that since the anxiety was becoming better managed with long-term meds, a benzo wouldn't be necessary. And he wasn't all wrong. But my main dx is panic disorder, and as much as I want to say it is under control, fear of an attack is enough for me to want a benzo on hand-- for everyone's safety. (I have had attacks when: driving, in crowds, middle of the night, school, work, etc. . .) Truth be told, I have had the benzo 'script, on and off, for about 5yrs. I know that will sound like trouble, to some. But, I take it when I physiologically/psychologically need it. Not more than the rec'd amount (outside of a few times--like when getting on a plane, long car rides, mandatory public speaking *still never goes that well), and not daily. Phoenix, I have done so much reading on CBT. I am nearing finished with my degree, and so I might finally *feel like* I have the time to explore it to develop some coping skills. I may also look into anxiety/panic group therapy sessions. I am still not ready to initiate long term counseling, which is ultimately what I need to address all of the issues underlying my negative thought patterns and MI in general. I know I can't rely on the benzos forever, and maybe there will come a day when I can be off of meds completely. #OnTheBrightside: The pristiq withdrawal is lightening up. I realized I had also came down with a nasty cold which greatly intensified and added to the symptoms. (No wonder I felt like I was detoxing from narcotics/dying). The wellbutrin sr, now at 200 mgs, is helping some. It's only been two weeks, so I know that's no real time to measure. But, my appetite is down, and my energy levels are already better. I'm back to being insomniaic, which counters a bit of the energy boost. But, I'm working in some melatonin and hopefully that will get more effective over time. Still quite nauseous, which is its own brand of torture but *fingers crossed* it's worth it. My anxiety is still a background grumble, and I am certainly riding the bummer-wave to shitsville most of the time. But, I am present for my family, mildly functional, and I get little glimmers of lighter moods every now and then. That's enough for right now.
  9. I have always been introverted, not always anti-social, but I feel best on my own and actually do need periods of personal space/time from even my husband & child. As I've gotten older, my tolerance for crowds/people in general has lessened. I could call it AS, but, I could also call it the world's abundance of vapid a-holes. Late 20's: panic attack was when I knew SAD, GAD, Panic, Depression, and other symptoms that had been just background noise in my life were VERY REAL. I don't feel I have all my diagnoses as I am learning to be more self-aware and can notice behaviors and patterns that don't seem "normal." But, with the dx's I do have, I pretty much need medication to be able to function in the social world. Major anxiety can definitely make you want to stay away from people/the outside world. I have bouts of agoraphobia-like symptoms where it really doesn't seem possible to go anywhere and interact with people even if it'll just be a quick nod and exchanging of money for food. For me, I have to exert a lot of energy to do normal things (school--with youngins too!, grocery shopping, taking my car in for whatever, etc). It feels like an intense workout. And it doesn't often feel worthwhile. I do it because I want to be a good mother, and part of that is trying to "get better."
  10. The perceived anonymity of writing OL is so appealing to me, sometimes I can't get enough. Yes, I will read, and reread my posts and comments indefinitely. The anonymity makes it easier to open up, which I don't really do very well IRL, anymore. When I was younger, my friend-base was composed of fellow emotionally/mentally. . . different people. So, when we needed to talk, we could talk without feeling judged. As an adult with a family, I have lost most of those connections (purposefully, in some cases, but not in all). I have friends I can trust, but, this is a part of me I know they know they don't fully understand. And, I guess I don't understand what it's like NOT to feel emotionally/mentally "different." Strangely, I'm not that bad with random chit-chat or speaking up briefly in class. I have about a minute-and-a-half window before shit gets weird, and I spazz out. My RL stranger-danger-go-to personas are: "surprisingly nice for the way she looks" lady, or, "Don't f*ck with me or my family or you will witness something ugly" lady. I'm an all right friend, but I know it's had to have patience wth someone who is constantly wrapped up in their own thoughts and can't get out even when they really, really want to. I overanalyze every moment of social interactions. Sometimes years out. I hate online chat with people I know. I am always "unavailable" or invisible. Eff that, people. Email. I don't even like talking on the phone unless I have a glass of wine and a cigarette in my hand. And it's not always practical/realistic to have a glass of wine and/or a cigarette handy. Anonymously, online, I don't know how I appear, and it's the only place I don't get so worked up about it. Until (and there always seems to be a "when") things get too personal, too subdermal, too far into those dark f*cking alleys of my life/mind that I don't want /am not prepared to go down. Then I freak out and delete everything. But I know none of this can really be undone. And somehow that's still comforting because there's no other place to say some of these things wihtout upending your life.
  11. No, I haven't directly asked my pdoc what his thoughts are. Part of this is that I already feel dismissed/discouraged from talking about it further with him. And this is odd to me because otherwise he is quite responsive. In my experience, not all psych-docs diagnose the same way. When I say I am unfocused or scattered or forgetfull at the worst times, he relates it to depression/anxiety because I am so wound up/involved in obsessive (mostly negative) thought processes. It makes sense and all, I just haven't found any relief in the medications I have been prescribed. I know this is a matter best left to the professionals, though. . . I guess my "looking for answers" just stems from frustration. I was diagnosed with ADD, MDD, and Anxiety as a teenager. My mom felt "ADD" was a load of crap (it was the "diagnosis du jour" back then) so any kind of intervention in that area was shelved. There was a long stretch of time where many of my MI symptoms were relatively quiet (no rx's, but plenty of self-rxing), so I didn't have much reason to think about it. But since so many symptoms have returned and worsened, it makes me reflect on times where there were certain clues I wasn't picking up on. . . Ugh. I much prefer avoiding my pdoc.
  12. Hey Everyone. I guess I am doing this a little ass backward as I have posted around the site before introducing myself. I am a 30-something little lady (married w/babies) with all sorts of anxiety disorders. Though my psych history dates back into childhood, and my first official diagnosis (depression, anxiety) was in my teens, I lived a pretty peaceful life in my early adult years. 5 years ago, I was at work when I had my first "real" panic attack. I looked and felt as though I was having a seizure, lost my lunch, and as per the usual, thought I was going to die. Life didn't really get any better after that and it has been an up-hill battle with Panic Disorder and Anxiety ever since. I am beginning to suspect I have adult-ADD as well (I posted about this). I have taken a variety of meds, but have resisted regular office-based therapy which I KNOW would help long-term and overall, Mom. I have a psych-doc and while he wants me to get in that chair, I don't have the time or the desire to delve into the issues which underlie these diagnoses. One day. In the meantime, it has been a roller-coaster with meds. Paxil= high as a kite. Oh my gawd, can everyone tell that I am high as a kite? Oh my gawd. Ativan= yes please. Panic, at bay. Only, hold the booze. That was a crazy night, eh? Why are you so mad? Oh. . . Buspar= uh, is it in? Celexa= I could get used to this. No wait, these DO make my ass look fat! Pristiq= Lawdy, it's a miracle! It feels like I am alive again! But I don't want to do any of the things. Ever. Leave me to my couch and stories and F off. Why don't I fit into any of my clothes anymore? -- Currently withdawing from Pristiq. The zaps are radiating through my body and I feel like I have pneumonia. I can't hear much over the ringing in my ears. And I am sweating like someone who is withdrawing from an SSNRI. Also starting on a low dose of Wellbutrin SR. Don't feel much, yet. I'm a little worried that all of the worry, doubt, and physiological symptoms of panic will come flooding back when the Pristiq finally goes for good. Not super hopeful about anything at the moment. Yet, I never seem to get totally hope-less. It is nice to find a place where people understand that you really are suffering. That it's all real, and immediate, and sometimes it's the only thing you can think about, and sometimes your very own thoughts can become your worst enemies. My husband was a general non-believer until this past year when he himself had an anxiety attack. It changed his perspective, but if you aren't dealing with anxiety on a daily basis, it's easy to forget how it feels? I wouldn't know. Aside from the blurred life on meds, anxiety has become the norm for me. Aside from all that, I'm manuscrpitively talkative, and occasionally have a flair for snark and/or dramatics. I'm up for discussion, lending/needing support, and general bitching about how much these hands we've been dealt suck. TTFN.
  13. As a lifelong insomniac, I have found no better non-script med than the wonder of benadryl: brand name, generic, for allergies or for sleep. Whatever. It works! I get that delicious "so sleepy" feeling and drift off into hard slumber. It has a short life, so I'm not usually groggy in the morning. Every now and then, I fork over more $$ for an herbal blend called "Night's Rest with melatonin" (source_naturals brand). Love it! Can find it on the net. More pricey and doesn't knock you out, but it's a peaceful rest.
  14. Olga, I had a very similar experience. I was on Pristiq, an SSNRI like Cymbalta for 3 mo's (am weening off this cuckoo juice as we speak). After the first month of increased energy, I bottomed out. I spent hours and hours on the couch/in bed, sleeping, zombified on tv, doing any and all things that weren't productive. I brought this to my pdoc's attention and requested we try Wellbutrin. I'm only on day 5 of 50mgs/day, so I can't say things have changed dramatically, but I feel an improvement. But withdrawal from Pristiq is so incredibly brutal. It has made me so cautious about SSNRIs. But, boy are they effective!
  15. After about 3mo's on Pristiq, I have been constantly tired. Give me a couch, and I will nap. Yet, when nighttime rolls around, and all I want is some good shut-eye, insomnia. The worst I'm-so-sleepy-but-I-can't-sleep-WAH kind of insomnia. My pdoc had me start it at night, but the SE were so intense in the beginning that I experimented taking it at different times. I found that between 6-8 worked best for me b/c I take a LONG time to fall asleep. I'm tapering off of Pristiq and starting on WellbutrinSr, and already notice my daytime energy improving. I would caution you to be mindful of how the drug changes your energy levels. It worked wonders for m anxiety, but the lethargy is what made me want to discontinue it. I didn't even notice how tired I was for a while, but finally realized that I was spending hours resting on a daily basis. I guess I haven't found the real miracle pill yet.
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