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About sulkingdog

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    It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

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  1. Paypal has to be tied to a bank account, which might be problematic. A crowd sourced donation (such as GoFundMe -- we've used this at work on multiple occasions) can be a good method as long as it's structured properly. Either way, I'll keep watch. Whatever you guys decide on, I'm in to help out. Pod was an intelligent, witty sweetheart with a very kind soul. Constructive empathy and measured compassion are tools that many strive for and Pod always managed with aplomb. Looking at the responses here, he'll clearly be missed... and that's a reward of a life well lived. Rest easy, mate. You've earned it.
  2. You okay?

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. birds


      is that an email, or a chat? I don't know how that works

      or it might be easier to chat on here, but i'll try the enmail thanks

    3. sulkingdog


      well, if you have a gmail account... it's both.  if you don't, it's not really pertinent.

      i can log into chat if you'd like to talk, i'd be happy to do so.  i usually avoid chat, but i'm not completely opposed.


    4. birds


      maybe I can talk briefly in a pm? i'll go over to chat now, if that's ok, sorry I am beinf so burdensome to you lol

  3. Oh, Geek. You don't deserve the harm you want to dole out. You're one of the good ones; even if you can't see it at the moment, please accept that others can. Reach out, anytime. You're always welcome.
  4. Missing you Brother!

  5. I'm in a similar situation. Recurrent MDD with psychotic symptoms, general and social anxiety. I've had this discussion with my psychiatrist and she agrees that I'm not responding to meds particularly well, this is compounded by the fact that I am solely self reliant and must be able to work to support myself. In our appointment last week, she prescribed a more aggressive (her words) cocktail of meds but we're on the same page: if there's not an improvement, ECT is the next course of action. As it was explained to me, referral is the first step followed by a consultation. It all moves pretty fast after that and I'd need to be able to take 6-8 weeks to proceed. My work schedule is probably more of a hindrance to proceeding than the actual wait time on their end. I realize this isn't particularly helpful, I hope someone that has undergone treatment can chime in to discuss time tables. Best of luck, dog
  6. Baby squirrels. Baby squirrels all over.

    1. BlurredBoundaries


      I know!I saw a family crossing the street together carefully. :-) Baby birds and bunnies too!

  7. I've never worn glasses, just got back from an eye exam: bifocals. Thanks 43.

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. koa


      Unicocals here since age 15. But I think I'd do lasik in a heartbeat.

    3. RoadToRecovery


      awwe shoot. Sorry your eyeballs aren't doing so good. Did you pick out a cool pair of glasses?

    4. sulkingdog


      Road, I did. Roundish, thickish and with a snazzy guitar head on the arms. :D I don't mind glasses, as long as I can see clearly again.

  8. Sync, Outside of work (where my role is defined and my communications are on target), I feel this way all the time. Social anxiety sucks. On chat, I constantly feel like I'm sticking my foot in my mouth or am annoying the room. I'm trying to accept that the dynamics of what I perceive are not always in line with fact... but it's not always easy. Long and short, you rock. Don't feed the mind goblins, they get pushy when they're domesticated. Have a great day, mate.
  9. It's... snowing. WTF?!?

    1. Southern Discomfort

      Southern Discomfort

      Aww, jealous! I love snow, kinda wish I lived in a northern place.

  10. ...another drop in the bucket. This is a great site, happy to help out a little.
  11. A topic that's come up a few times in the chat room is the adverse effects of anhedonia. This is often the symptom that, ultimately, pushes me into the corner, frozen and immobile. I have a stressful job. It takes much (if not most) of what energy and motivation I have to manage my daily responsibilities (net sum result of which being that I am able to support myself); when my depressive cycle reaches its nadir, the most basic functions of personal living shut down: laundry piles up, the kitchen goes completely unused except as a place to pile up take out containers, I come home from work, sit and stare out the window as the light fades to black and I wind up curled on the sofa too drained to even cry. I take no joy in anything and, due to that state, everything becomes a distasteful chore. I don't get the personal rewards that come from accomplishing tasks, I just feel a sense of never ending anxiety over the mountain of obstacles that appear to spring forth at every turn. It's an ouroboros. A fetid, carnivorous serpent swallowing its own tail. At the point it begins to manifest itself at work, I'm usually in trouble and need to take a few days off to crawl into a corner. Where most people take vacation, I break down and rebuild -- so I can muster enough energy to go back at it. It's exhausting, to say the least. Guilt on one side, apathy on the other. In the meantime, I don't touch my guitars, go out for coffee or open mic nights, take walks, etc... I just live in the state that Thompson so eloquently termed fear and loathing. I guess I'm not really checking in with any kind of answer to your dilemma -- just offering that it's not uncommon. Talk to your pdoc/tdoc. Come to terms with what is happening in your brain and how it relates to your interaction with the world around you. Best of luck.
  12. First things first; there is no reason for people to not know that you live with a mental illness. Exposure, on an interpersonal level, can do nothing but help to eliminate the arms length stigma that mental health carries. I'm not suggesting that you insert your struggles into every conversation. There are, however, opportunities to chime in, "As someone that lives with ________, I've found that...". You might be surprised at the responses you'll receive. I typically punctuate my point by moving beyond my own situation and casting a wider net. As an example, I live in an economically struggling inner city and work for a public school district that services tens of thousands of students. Within five square blocks of wherever I am standing, there are probably tens (if not a hundred) children in their formative years that are struggling with many of the same symptoms. Those children deserve consideration. As for purpose, I don't know what to tell you, mate. A year ago, my depressive disorder turned more severe and I found myself host to a number of psychotic symptoms. After a pretty solid attempt, I landed in the ER, spent some time in ICU and then the psych ward. Truth as truth, there wasn't a lot to be done for me; I knew what was going on, I could quantify my psychotic symptoms for what they were, so once my medication was stabilized I petitioned for release and went home. This is where I exist... looking for a deeper meaning. My philosophic predisposition makes that a struggle. If I had faith in a deity or belief in a moral secularism that extended beyond small gatherings of well intended primates, that might be easier -- but, much like truly devout believers, I don't have a choice. I believe that there is no justification for cruelty and I simultaneously believe that at the end of the game, humanity isn't even a consideration in the outcome. So, I struggle to do more good than harm as it eases the symptoms of guilt I am wracked with and makes it a tad easier to sleep at night. I offer kindness where I can and try to keep my distance from impressionable people when I'm struggling. I take my medication, struggle with the side effects, go to my therapist and work. I keep a guitar close at hand to busy myself when my thoughts become to pessimistic. I feed my cats and force myself to do my laundry. In short, I survive -- and, for now, that has to be enough. I do take a piece of solace in that I am not alone in my struggles. Even when sitting alone in the kitchen, playing over every wrong I have committed, every weakness I exhibit... I know that someone else out there is swimming in the same dark waters; occasionally we meet and take refuge together, share stories and assure one another that the darkness isn't permanent. I guess you have to find what works for you. Believe in something more than yourself enough to commit to it and white knuckle the roller coaster when you find yourself strapped in. You're not alone, mate. Take some peace in that.
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