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About peacelizard

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    "If you believed in him, you'd argue with God"

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    Boston, MA
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    reading, computer games, guns, shooting, martial arts, music, neuroscience, psychology, psychopharmacology, scotch, languages, etymology

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  1. Irritated at a comment someone made on these boards
  2. I didn't. I sent the study to my pdoc and never got a response back. Ha. Guess that's my answer.
  3. More than a little off topic, and referring to something a person in crisis said as "interesting" is a bit unkind.. Did you read the title of the thread and the content of the original post? KarateKid is expressing anxiety and confusion about going into rehab. He reported changes in his diagnoses, but I very much did not get the impression that he was inviting a discussion on the relative merits of his BPD diagnosis. Yup,I read the whole thing,believe it or not, and figured,hey, since we're all adults here,he can choose to answer my curiosity or not. Either way, I don't appreciate your patronizing tone - and on a public forum no less. You could've at least chalked it up to not thinking and sent me a private message but you didn't. You chose to act like an ass. In any case, sorry Karate Kid. I didn't mean to be insensitive in your time of crisis.
  4. This is probably a little off topic from what you're writing but I find it interesting ... so they diagnosed you BPD and I'm guessing you're saying they see you display it as aggression? I know that the hospital I work at females display BPD symptoms fairly differently than males, but males are pretty rare so it's hard to compare sometimes.
  5. A little left shoulder pain from sleeping on it funny but otherwise pretty good!
  6. How many people here with SA feel a strong need/desire/urge to help others? Whether it's in doing small things for others or volunteering or even making your career or your life's work all about helping people? I'm just curious because I think about it from time to time for myself. I don't know if it's because that's just want I was meant to do or I feel like if I can't help myself, then I at least want to help others to get better or what, but I've always been that person. Ever since I was a child, I was always helping people or teaching them something. And that's what I've redirected my life towards -- between working in a psych hospital with people who have serious mental illness to returning to school in the hopes of going on to medical school and psychiatry. I very much want to help people and make this world a better place, not on a grand scale, but a small one, person to person.
  7. A little sad and teary. Thinking about regrets and lost opportunities. Personal failures.
  8. I wasn't able to attend my grandfather's funeral that happened about a week ago because of my social anxiety. He was the only grandfather I had left and even though I only saw him once a year because he lived in Indiana and I live in Massachusetts, he still meant a great deal to me because he was a wonderful man. And that's something I have to live with for the rest of my life. I have also had to answer questions from certain family members explaining why I couldn't make it. I've even had to respond to a few people here when I try to explain and they say "But it's your grandfather. ..." Ultimately, though, in my mind, it's between me and him, no one else, and I don't think he would mind that I couldn't make it. He'd understand. Because that's the kind of man he was. I've also had to miss weddings, including one where I'd been picked to be part of the wedding party and then he dropped me because I hadn't been around to visit in a while. That hurt a lot, but I never told him. I felt like it wasn't worth it to get into. I just took my lumps and moved on. Hell, I feel like I've missed my time to get married and start a family because, thanks to the miracle of Facebook, I can see a large majority of my former classmates settling down and doing the "family thing" with the white picket fence and whatnot. And that's hard to see. Sometimes I feel like a dog that's getting hit and then having his face rubbed in it. You know? Hell, I would've missed my college graduation too if it hadn't been for my family. I endured that because I felt like I did it for them. I wanted them to be proud, so me giving in to my anxiety took that away from them and that pain it gave me was far worse than whatever social anxiety I did at the time.
  9. I personally believe there is some choice involved in the matter as a whole. Whether it's during the steady decline, when a person realizes that they probably need help and should call their therapist or psychiatrist, or when they're in the formulation stage, figuring out the best way to do it, or even down to the event itself, just before too late really does become too late. I think it's important to own that because we do have a choice in the matter if we do survive our attempt or we decide not to go through with it after all, it's important to help process things and figure out where to go from there. Find out what led up to it and see about managing that area and finding additional resources. That being said though, I do not personally judge nor do I think there should be judgement involved in the process. I don't think it's selfish. I don't think it's horrible. I don't think it's anything really. It just is. A person wants to stop the pain, much like any pain they might experience through a medical disease like cancer or AIDS. Obviously people judge them too, but I think it's significantly less than suicide due to emotional/physical pain/anguish due to mental illness.
  10. Yeah. Sorry. Didn't mean to imply that CBT was some kind of cure-all because, honestly, it's not. I'm just finishing up a round of CBT myself and while I've found some things helpful, it's probably never going to be my go-to "tool" for anxiety and that's okay. But if it's something you've never done before, I still strongly encourage it because you never know how helpful it might be 'til you try it and even if it's not that helpful, it's still one more thing you can use that might put off taking another med, which is a good thing in my opinion.
  11. I'm glad you're trending in the right direction. Hopefully the Wellbutrin will help you and not add to your anxiety. Have you thought about going up on your Lexapro? I'm surprised your pdoc hasn't suggested it already. The rule of thumb I've always heard -- my treaters included -- is to max out on one med before moving onto another, that way you're sure that if you were going to get any benefit from it, you would've seen it and a second medication wouldn't make it harder to tell.
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