OliverB

She threatened me and accused me of lying. I haven't asked for a second appointment.

The appointment with the psychiatrist went really bad. I am seeing my psychologist in a week and half. I feel a bit better rigth now, still agitated while wanting to stab myself but without racing thoughts and sleeping 5h at nigth.

I haven't seen my new doctor yet, I will see her on monday. I am feeling better,

I do not understand it, I haven't done anything wrong. I do not put myself in danger. I am not a danger to others.

I wouldn't buy it if you already have one, it is not worth it (even if it is prettier). It is not a good idea to buy anything while manic... Or start 10000 projects, adopt numerous pets, ...

I also tried perphenazine, I forgot to list it.... I found it too sedating at 2mg.... (I had to split the tablet in four...). Well, lets see what happens next week. I will try to stay open minded about meds

Lithium? Oh oh oh, I doubt I would take it unless I became 100% psychotic and manic!. I think I could give a try to carbamazepine or lamotrigine, but lithium is a too heavy thing. The problems of typical AP with kess EPS is that there are much more sedating. Anyway, an AP migth not be needed if I am not psychotic.

Haldol sent me to ER, I have a medical intolerance to them (really bad extrapiramidal symptoms at a low dose). It's probable I am a very poor metabolizer of CYP2D6. I think Vraylar was approved this year in my country. Ugh, but until it's a year in the market most doctors do not want to prescribe them since they have to make extra paperwork. Anyway, I am really afraid of sedation, cognitive impairment and so on... I think I am less afraid of lamictal...

I have tried risperidone, aripiprazole (abilify), haloperidol (haldol), ziprasidone, olanzapine, amisulpride, paliperidone and quetapine (seroquel). Lurasidone and asenapine are not available in my country. SSRI/SNRI: paroxetine, fluoxetine, venlafaxine, sertraline.

I am a female in my early 20s diagnosed with CPTSD (ICD-11) and who knows what ????. I was born in a disfuncional family, left when I became 18 and entered college (pharmacy degree). In the past I have been diagnosed with: ASD (I think it was more "traumatized child syndome"), mood disorder, panic disorder, psychotic disorder, bipolar disorder, schyzotypal disorder, .... Lets say I have anxiety-mood-psychotic-like-issues. I am only sure about the PTSD. I have 0 outside support .In January I start my internship at a hospital.... I am afraid of taking meds because of cognitive side effects and sedation. I do not want to take them, but my therapist encourages me to give them another try (he got me an emergency appointment with a psychiatrist, so I guess he things it is not a joke. He seems to think I may benefict from medication). I do not want to be locked up. I cannot tolerate AP I cannot tolerate SSRI and similar (they made me manic/hypo) I can tolerate small amounts of a tryciclic antidepressant and tianeptine, but they do not work long term. Valproic acid made me complete emotionless. My problem is my emotions are crazy: I feel OK while wanting to cry, I feel depressed while wanting to go running because my body is full of energy, I get racing thoughts and voices while feeling too tired to do anything, I get SH urges while feeling like I had taken LSD because then It looks like something fun to do (as if I were in Wonderland). These are the reasons why I was diagnosed with mood disorder/bipolar in the past. Insanely they are not caused by anythubg external, the only thing that is caused by sonthing external is paranoia, some voices, anxiety an panic due to PTSD. Prazosin helps with this, which usually gets worse when my mood is not stable. I am seen a new psychiatrist on 30 december (if my paranoia doesnt prevent me to go). I am afraid she would think I am lying and pretending to be psychotic or bipolar, I doubt I am either, I think I may have some sort of mild cyclothymia/psychotish flavour(could be caused by PTSD, by being hit in the head as a child, by stress...). I think I could deal with It by my own if I had therapy at least once a month (I see him once 3/4 months...). Rigth now the thing that most bothera me is being afraid to go outside during the day, I am afraid of people watching me. Social life is my most affected area, I have 0 (I can deal with studying, I cant with saying "Hi") Anyway, It is not that bad. I have passed all my examns. After I finish my Internship and final year project I will be graduated (pharmacy). I do not get why psychiatrist are so mean and often want to lock me up in hospitals. I do not want to get caugth. Disclosing the content of my voices could lead me IP? I wont harm myself even of it told me to, even if it looked OK. Any tip?

I know the thread is a bit old, but what malachite said is the only thing that "helped me". *I won't be a normal human being with a safe attachment to people or with reasons to live. It is supposed I had RAD (inhibited) which was the cause of my ASD misdiagnosis (neglect and abuse was severe enough to mess everything). There is no reason at trying to be a normal human being. I do whatever I want to. I stopped trying to improve my humanity and depression (I am more an agitated type rather than anhedonic/tired/hypersomniac, which lead me to strong anxiety/dissociation/psychosis and unability to rest/sleep more than 2h straight). I ended up in places that caused me less agitation (library and labs) and somehow soon I will be working in a hospital (yeah, working...). I don't get it, I can explain it. I just accepted it and let it be, I could have died (or better said, killed myself), but It didn't happened... Now I have "something" I don't understand. I don't care, my life is less nigthmare. I "punish" myself insulting if I "waste" resources, so in order to feel less shitty, I try to be helpful even if I never feel helpful (I won't eat unless I move my ass and go to the library). My pDoc support the "non human" thing: after seeing my chronic obsession towards (seriouslly) killing myself and my distorted humanity, there is no more to say. I am not a human, I am still an angry agitated depressed dissociated/psychotic weirdo, but well... I don't care anymore. I act more like an animal. It is feels more "Ok" tan trying to change it. I know it is different since we don't share the same symptomatology (I can't stop moving, doing, ... which makes it really easy to end everything; a pDoc I had thought I am Bipolar because of it...IDK) I don't have a possitive messagge but I guess you don't want one. Things like these don't actually improve, you just learn to live with them or die.

I have the same issue, many times I think on dying because I don't like living and don't want to, even if I am not suffering.

He is not my therapist anymore, I don't have a therapist anymore, he openly said he didn't know what to do with me and if he was causing a negative impact the best I could do is leaving. I was getting therapy through the public health system.Therapist from the public health system are not available for more than once a month for 20 minutes unless it is a therapist from a special facility, in my case this therapist, the only one here, is is from the day hospital I was referred after being discharged from IP.The day hospital is for severe mental illness only, that's why there is this therapist I could see weekly for 45 minutes. There are not other special facility I can be referred to.So what now? What do I do without a therapist?

What do I do now I know the diagnosis? My therapist agree with it, what can he do? What are the deals with this? Maybe I don't see the problem because I am an apparently normal part, now I am the most active outside and I don't sense anyone inside, I am just me. Maybe I forgot what the problem was. DD

I tried lamictal but couldnt tolerate it. I stopped depakote after posting that, I prefer my highs and lows.