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About Keaton

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    the northern US
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    books, music, writing

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  1. Haldol is what they injected me with whenever I ended up in emergency, psychotic. It worked really well for that. Hope it works for you.
  2. I'm just curious because my levels didn't reach the right level until I was on 1,500, which seems a lot. How about you? (If you take it.)
  3. Lamictal wasn't useful to me when it came to mania. I went the most manic I've ever been on it. Then again, I was also on Proxac, so YMMV. But it was a great anti-depressant.
  4. No, any response is a helpful one! I've actually noticed that as of late I've been responding better to my current regimen of medications (no more severe psychosis, mostly just mild psychosis--if there is such a thing-- now and then; sometimes just simple paranoia) but that if I stop taking my meds, the bad stuff sets back in pretty quick. I can think my way through the milder psychosis at times (or maybe it's not even psychosis; maybe it's just paranoia), but, like you, I cannot think my way through a full-on break. With my hallucinations, it's variable. Voices I can sometimes convince myself that they're not real, but other things, such as sirens, I always believe are real. And my delusions are all-consuming; I always, always believe they're real. I'm glad that you've been stable; I hope it continues. My problem is that I have a tendency to lose trust in everyone around me when I'm really bad. I don't trust my brother, my parents, my friends, anyone. Probably I trust my brother the most. But I've even thought he was poisoning me; that my mother was poisoning him; that my dad committed terrible crimes. I simply don't trust them, no matter how much they reassure me, and I wish i could so badly. Your amount of insight is impressive and I wish I could work my way towards that. Maybe I can. Looking for patterns is a good idea; my psychosis often follows similar patterns. I just don't understand why I can't listen to reason, any type of reason, when I'm psychotic, and it drives me almost to tears, honestly. It's just so frustrating. Especially because I have suicidal impulses when I'm really bad, and I'd have killed myself half a dozen times if not for my parents. :/ Thank you for your comment. I'll try to "train" myself as well, to gain just a little bit of insight. Maybe a little bit could go a long way. Oh god, I can't listen to music when psychotic-- I always think the singers are talking to me. It's reassuring to hear that now you have some insight and that the delusions no longer consume you. I always hide in my house when I'm psychotic-- maybe walking somewhere would be a good idea, like you said. Thank you for your comment, and as I said, it's very reassuring to hear that you've gained insight into your psychosis, even if it was a struggle. I'm glad for you. And yes, the meds definitely do help, as much as I hate to take them.
  5. I've read that some people have insight when they're delusional and hallucinating. How? I'm always so positive, so absolutely certain, that what I think is correct. When it gets bad you could throw all the evidence in the world at me and it wouldn't matter at all. How do I fix this? How do I fix myself? My delusions are always paranoid. My hallucinations are almost always auditory. And I don't understand why these pills, the abilify and lithium and seroquel, work so well for balancing out my mood yet I'm left with residual paranoia that sometimes morphs into flat-out psychosis. And every time I get truly psychotic, I try to find a way to kill myself. It terrifies me, that I have no control over my mind. Is there any way to reason with yourself once you're psychotic? Like, bad? Or is it just another ambulance ride to the emergency room and a few injections of haldol before you do something that will wind you up in jail?
  6. Major Depression, Psychotic Depression (or something like that), bipolar II, bipolar I w/ psychotic features.
  7. I was going to respond to this with, 'Who doesn't?' Although I know that's not the case. My hypo/manias have always been of the classic euphoric sort. So yes, I know exactly what you mean.
  8. I didn't take it prn but I was also on a low dose the first time I took it, and I gained 50 lbs in less than two months. So if you do the math... that's a lot of weight gain, dear god. I've only been on it 2-3 times (when I get really bad) and each time I gain around 50 pounds. I don't know if you'll gain if you're only on it for a week. I'd *guess* probably not, but who knows with this med.
  9. I gained no weight on Seroquel. I'm actually losing it. Zyprexa, though....
  10. I tell people online, but I don't tell people in real life anymore-- no one except my very best friends. Even most of my family doesn't know. I feel safer that way.
  11. Yeah I went from an anxiety disorder, to major depression, to bipolar II, to bipolar I, to schizoaffective. (Or hopefully bipolar again.) :/ Going to Nami is a good recommendation because i don't know the difference between schizoaffective and schizophrenia, really. I just can't see myself with schizoaffective, but my psychosis sometimes happens outside of mood episodes so... I don't know. :/ Yes, I've heard Depakote is a serious drug. (As in, powerful.) Risperdal did very little for me. I hope that you're doing well and that your meds are working for you. Mine are controlling the delusions/paranoia/auditory hallucinations, I'm just a little too fond of stopping them at times.
  12. So my tdoc told me last week that after a few months of seeing me, he thought I had bipolar I w/ psychotic features. (I don't. I don't go fully manic unless if given an antidepressant. I do have psychotic features, though. At first I thought it was because I took stimulants for a sleep disorder, but even after stopping the stimulants, the psychosis still returns again and again.) I decided to ask my psychiatrist the same thing, because I never know what my diagnosis is. And he said schizoaffective. Which scares the shit out of me, because anything to do with schizophrenia terrifies me (I've read so much about it, and it really scares me.) But then he went on to say that he thinks there's a good chance I'm just atypical bipolar with psychosis. So what's the deal? Why wouldn't my official diagnosis be bipolar? Why would they name it schizoaffective? In short, how does this stuff work? And has anyone else had a similar situation-- an 'official' diagnosis that may not be accurate with an 'unofficial' diagnosis that sounds more like them? And sorry if this is in the wrong forum, I wasn't sure where to put it.
  13. I love Abilify, but I think I was mildly hypomanic for a week or so after starting it. Didn't need sleep, couldn't shut up, euphoric, etc.
  14. Yeah, I was on a mood stabilizer both times I went manic from antidepressants. Maybe I wasn't on a high enough dose of mood stabilizer, I don't know, but I got pretty manic pretty fast. (Though I don't have OCD, if it matters?) I'm glad that the sertraline is being of benefit to you, though!
  15. I have these hallucinations. You aren't "crazy"-- they're most common in people with sleep disorders but "normal" people get them too. To get rid of the hallucinations, either sleep on your side or wear a sleep mask. It's the only thing I've found that works. I'm sorry you're going through this I hope it can all be resolved soon. And for the record, I have a sleep disorder like narcolepsy-- I would get these terrifying hallucinations almost every time I fell asleep. Then as soon as I wore a sleep mask, they vanished. Just a suggestion.
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