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Jay Jhonson

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About Jay Jhonson

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    swimming, blogging, dancing wildly considering i dont really know any perfect moves :)
  1. WOW! What a tirade...I was kind of a little unsure writing this wondering if i'd worded it right. I'd actually gone to the chat section and pasted it there 1st and gotten a member to read it and he'd said it was alright. Now I'm not so sure about my wording, I don't want you getting the wrong idea. Reading all of your answers was refreshing considering they're the 1st negative responses I've gotten since I started writing. Let me back up a little bit and add a little more detail...when I came across this forum I went through the rules and I didn't see where it was written that If you don't have a mental illness, on medication or haven't been to see a professional on a mental illness you might have, then DON'T SIGN UP! I DO remember however, reading that the forum IS for people who do have genuine mental illnesses, problems and such, so don't be insensitive ect.. Before I signed up, I went through a few topics and read a few of the boards' answers and I was literally able to relate to half the things that are said on here based on the topics I've read. That's why I signed up. When I said that people on the board are normal, that was MY point of view. When I experience some of the symptoms that are described on here, I still see myself as normal. And that is how I see the board members, I didn't see you being that different to me as people. In what you experience yes, as individuals, no. In No way was I trying to denote that anyone on here is false or an exhibit as Mia mentioned. If that were the case I wouldn't be on here nor suggest it to my readers. On the rules that I read before signing up, I read that the forum is mainly for people with mental illnesses and there were also parts of the forum where we can post about other topics like love, random shit ect... as long as it isn't excessive and to remember the whole purpose of the board which is mental illness ect..this is the whatever section and my post is an excerpt about love/loss so if it's in the wrong section, say that. This was one of the few forums that I could relate to. Not giving the details of my experiences and my shit doesn't make my problems any less real. If someone ISN'T allowed to enter the forum if they don't sum up their experiences in the same way that you do, then please by all means post it on here for me to see, I really didn't get the memo on my way in. Thanks, it's very much appreciated. *phew* that was long..now back to your comments saveyoursanity: Define your version of crazy. you don't care...got that,....coddle, praise.....didn't ask for it....why we're here....Thanks for the reminder. Chris: "This is what led to that preamble. "... they sound like ‘normal’ people to me, because guess what, they ARE!" I'm not. Not normal in the observational and scientific and statistical sense, and not "normal" by local social convention or expectation, either." That is so true, that's why I don't go by those standards when they're irrevocably flawed, scratch that shit, I meant normal as a human being on earth. If we were to paint the whole world with one brush then not many people would fit the so called 'norm' that is described today. Hence we're normal as in unique in our own ways. That's how I think anyhow. Stickler: lol your comments make me smile ....I hear you and that doesn't sound strange to me. Gosh, gawk at you, I'd like to think not, because then i'd be doing the same to myself! MiaB: "where I had linked back to this fascinating site. " That's my way of saying that this is a good forum, I can't imagine why you'd think otherwise. Offending anyone was not my intention, quite the opposite. Fascinated or legit? i'll go with legit. I'm guessing you must come across a quite a few time wasters for you to ask me that one. WinterRosie: Finding Nemo is one of my favourite cartoons! iluvnami: Thanks, If mental illness was fake I doubt I'd be on here. Normalcy is non-existent. I get where you're coming from there, the only difference is that when I say normal, I think normal for that individual. What I think is similar.....simply worded differently. Olga: What made you angry? So that I can fix it, so to speak. I understood that 'text speak' is what is looked upon as unacceptable here otherwise any other rules you have really should be stated before hand so that we know, you know. It's funny how you mention school, I actually taught my 1st graders to say please, thank you, to be nice and generally respectful yet you come making snide remarks instead of constructive criticism. Being over 60 doesn't give you the right to do that. The respect and decency thing goes both ways. Jay ovOidampUle: I absolutely love swimming though have a slight fear of drowning from exhaustion. O.O Thanks all, this is definitely the first and hopefully last time doing the comment thing, sheesh it's tiring. No Offence was intended, If you have ideas of wording it differently I'd really love to hear them. Ciao
  2. It's originally here though I'll add the short part where i spoke about crazy boards and where I had linked back to this fascinating site. "Do you know that in my search to find like minded people who actually ‘get’ my words…I came across a forum called crazyboards. This forum basically represents normal people going through life who have been ‘Diagnosed’ with different ‘syndromes and illnesses’ based on how they feel/think and how they deal with their emotions. They have genuinely authentic symptoms; both mental and physical and some are on different medications. Now that’s fine, the point I’m trying to make here is that when you go through life being absolutely ‘honest’ with how you feel/are, you end up being ‘categorised’. Whether intentionally or unintentionally. When I read their comments, they sound like ‘normal’ people to me, because guess what, they ARE! I felt like the odd one out on the board because I’m not on meds nor have I seen a physiatrist. Yet their ‘dialogues’ and ‘emotions’ were more ‘real’ and made more ‘sense’ to me them more than half the people I sometimes meet in a week! Simply because they’re being ‘genuine’ about who they are and what they feel. Even though have been ‘set aside’ (in a sense) to be so. So yes. In a judgmental society I Do feel sh*t scared about displaying my (acceptable) inner thoughts and feelings." Hope you liked the excerpt x
  3. sorry to hear about all that i sincerely hope u get better and things look up for u sooner than later >< luck
  4. I couldnt have said it better then Stickler. normality is an illusion. its also bloody boring. If you continue allowing your fears, worries, and doubts rule your life then u wont get anywhere. Its true u have been surrounded by nothing concrete and have a hard time finding your footing. decide now whether u actually want to find it or not. or continue with the fears and self serving excuses that keep u rooted in place. whether ur dad was normal or not, its Your life that we're now talking about. so what are u going to do about it? break free. u can do it! i know u can, even You know u can! luck
  5. 'Brains can be such bastards sometimes' you got that right! gosh i couldnt have said it better my self you hit the nail right on the button mid speech. the Brain. it has alot to do with the mind. I can relate to you down those lines. I'm not sure whether you know this or not, alot of us have similar issues. where we have these whether temporary or lingering beliefs of being worthless, useless, ugly, terrified people that we are. it plagues us. its a constant battle keeping them at bay not allowing them to invade. sheesh its really draining and soul testing. tripping and reverting back to what you Dont want to go back to is Normal. Why? because sometimes believing the negatives we think about ourselves is easier then believing the positives. trip. get back up. trip. get back up again. Its life. and many of us go through it in that same sequence.(though ofcourse everything differs depending on the individual) yeah u eff up; the drinking, sex ect....it gets to you. try to do something about it. if u shrink back again then start again. life isnt easy. if it was we'd b bored and still unhappy. u mentioned something that real struck home for me; shame. just the fact that u feel that tells me just how much potential u have as a person. you have ur probs and ur dealing with them. if u dont like the way ur going about it, try changing it. if u make progress then fall back again, u made progress before, u can/will start again. u have the ability to. Wanna know one of the key methods to continuous progress? you already know it. the brain. when we do something shitty we hate that we have done it. then we feel worst about feeling bad about it. then feel even Worst for feeling bad about feeling bad about effing up. and it eats away at us. our minds blow it out of proportion. so whats the key? Eff up, acknowledge and work towards righting it WITHOUT beating yourself up over it! that way u get to focus on whats happened without th self loathing/hating that cripples us. Its bad enough dealing with the consequences of our actions without us adding unnecessary pain on top of it. luck
  6. Hiya, good on you for posting, welcome though im pretty new too i just read everything u wrote and its clear that you have been through your fair share of shit in life. Dont get me wrong, nothing makes what u&your sis went through Ok or Fine. u both r warriors. imm summarise the main points i got from your words; Your folks were pretty much absent most of your life. you dont seem to have had the happiest time at your grandmother's house. Everything you have witnessed and experienced in your life has left you quite 'broken' i suppose we could say. your jobless. still living in the same place that u called 'home' though it was never much of one. Now. what are you going to do about it? you've acknowledged everything in your life...the good and the bad...have you any intention of changing things for the better now? If your simply venting though have no intention of ever changing your situation then i would suggest u stop reading now. If you'd actually like to Do something about it, then congratulations. you made the 1st step. some people are in such self denial that they dont even recognise that their is anything wrong to start fixing it. 1st You have. 2nd You have the ability to turn things around in your life. 3rd You know what its like to have a problem and deeply wish that it could simply disappear on its own yet it never does? why not? because everything needs to be pushed. enforced. You need to go about making the change u need. u can do it. stand on your own 2feet. and when all those excuses and reasons why u cant do it come knocking, kick them to Kingdom Come. i read articles on this site on people with this and that illness ect...yet even with their meds and whatnot in the end they are the ones strong enough to fight their battles. they do the hardest part which is realise and recognise that their Are problems then they work upwards from their towards trying to solve them. Its inspiring. We're human beings with all our different problems and issues that make us who we are as people, and now there are diff names for each condition. where as i see it as a people dealing with their 'shit' which Most of us have. who doesnt? i sure know that I do! before i even give anymore advice here, u gotta decide whether u Actually Want to make a positive Change to your life and do what it takes to get there. If its a yeah, Then we can chat some more luck
  7. this topic is absolutely fascinating! I'd no idea there were so many people who felt that way! when im in th middle east where its crazy hot i can shower up to 3times a day and back in england maybe twice a day though mostly once and i hate it mainly cusa the cold!
  8. dealing directly with people can be challenging at times. continue onwards and dont look back if u can.
  9. how long it will be there for i cant say...it depends on how the thought affects you. I wish i could say it will go away. over time mine hasnt so instead of fretting about it i just kind of let it be. a suggestion would be try not thnking about it so much. that way though it may be there u arent dwelling on it and the ache does diminish slightly as time moves on. luck
  10. sorry to hear how your feeling. i had those symptoms once and they terrified the hell out of me i know that i never want to experience that again. I dont know all of your details so i'll say that we're here for you. lots of love!
  11. Hey, firstly sorry to hear about what happened though i'd like to tell you something; guess what?! they actually exist everywhere! the assbums that is. i mean seriously they dont have anything better to do with their lives. if they had an ounce of sense they would actually be Doing something instead of shouting out useless profanites to passerbys atleast your running. what th hell r they doing? grrrr when i hear stuff like this it makes me so mad! -- put ur headphones on, run and dont bother about th people around u. your doing this For You an dont let anyone anyone deter you from that! 4get them, they r everywhere in th world trust me ><
  12. your gorgeous i just took a look at ur photos u Arent ugly. its up to u and only you to change what u think about yourself even if a million people told you how pretty u are u wont believe it till u accept it yourself. listen people have their opinions then force them unto others even if they're negative then we sometimes start believing them. dont. its rubbish. your lovely. i also sent u a personal msg too. Tc
  13. False The person below me snores
  14. strangely i can relate to what your saying...though its a bit more intense for me, dealing with people facetoface is soooo crazy overwhelming for me, and i feel comfortable not being th centre of attention though i can and do hold my own down, maybe thats why i prefer boards sometimes people on the outside who dont know where your coming from end up giving u the best advice thats best For Them though it may not work for you. they're family so its possible they have ur best interests at heart anyways yes life is extremely complicated at times.
  15. congrats, keep it up your freaking awesome!
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