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About ananke

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  1. Yup, IME it's a control thing. Like I can't control the outcome to this (liking it/disliking it) and if it requires new skills, I can't control how good I am at it (beginners are normally pretty bad!). I have started and not finished more projects than I've had hot dinners, just because I wasn't as 'good' as quickly as I thought I should be. I'd rather stay put than fail, even though my thinky thoughts know that will only lead to boredom and staleness. As is usually the case with control issues, despite how my brain warps this reasoning to sound logical, it is mostly fear. TBH if I am pushing myself to try something new, I pick something that interests me over other peoples recommendations. I watched this program about a kid with ARFID and the doctor helping her asked her to try foods that she was genuinely curious about, rather than the typical fruits and vegetables her parents wanted. I think she ended up with a dragonfruit because it was pretty. My point is, go with your curiosity rather than pressure from yourself or others.
  2. I used to 'trick' myself into going outside by focusing on one step at a time. All I have to do is open the door, then step out, then close the door etc. It is definitely one of those things that eases with practise IME. I found that my comfort zone (home) was able to increase bit by bit until I was functional enough in my local community
  3. I've never heard of themes and I'm in the UK... no idea what the nurse was on about. Seems more appropriate to take the service user at their word? Mind you when I was diagnosed I told the psych I had all the signs of OCD and he said no, OCPD. I don't understand why in the UK we can't have both lol. I still say I have OCD To be honest, like I said before, sometimes focusing on an issue rather than a diagnosis might help the most for you at this moment (totally my uneducated opinion though). Particularly since this issue is preventing you from getting help for other symptoms, which is sounds like you want. I don't know how to help you with the resentfulness other than I think it is fairly common. Might be a challenge to work through but I'm sure there are people out there willing to help. You have to find what works for you, with the caveat that sometimes progress feels uncomfortable and difficult. I have huge anxiety about being told I'm doing something wrong, and it took a while for me to accept feedback from my therapist that I was effing something up (she puts in much more tactfully than that). If you have any questions feel free to put them on here, sure someone will answer!
  4. I've been summoned? OCPD or not, it's clear there is a desire to talk to someone about your concerns, but that won't get very far if you can't let your guard down, as you know. Some questions: How long ago were you diagnosed? Did you like/know your therapists beforehand? Do you have others in your life you can talk to? Getting a good working relationship is key to therapy- you have to be patient with yourself and the therapist (though I completely understand the desire to just get better now). Personally I think my closest experience to this isn't so much resentment, but irritation/anger at people for not understanding certain rules. Being late would piss me off because it's breaking a social rule. I also struggle with perceived moral 'failings'... unfortunately I think I internalised this message of 'it's not that you did a bad thing, it's that you are bad' and sort of apply it to others as well. A useful tip that many have suggested on here is to literally print out or write down what you put in these forums and give them to your therapist. Sometimes it's easier giving them something you've already written than trying to explain it. This response is all over the place but I would really recommend therapist shopping if you can. Organising a session and seeing if they match what you are looking for. There are therapists out there who will suit you better than others. I have also had 'quiet' therapists and hated it. Sometimes focusing on one issue at a time helps more than trying to tackle a whole diagnosis at once. Side note, completely relate to this. The flip side is that I was mocked for being 'wrong' (even when it boiled down to a matter of opinion) which lead me to become super defensive. Also very relatable! I love trivia and going down research rabbit holes. Also feel free to ask any questions about therapy or OCPD/OCD. In my mind OCPD/OCD are a Venn diagram- they overlap but are distinct enough.
  5. There are drive through banks? We only have that for food here. Thank you, luckily nobody seems to have gotten ill and its been almost 3 weeks, which seems pretty conclusive to me. You are right, the virus makes people ill. In hindsight I do feel pretty stupid about it, I haven't even been into a shop since then (we luckily can get food deliveries, but only once a week)
  6. extremely mixed lol. years of agoraphobia and social anxiety mean that im coping a lot better than my other family members, but ocpd/ocd in overdrive. having a lot of contamination anxiety. im scared i was a mild case (didnt have a fever or cough but runny nose) that unintentionally spread it around. dont care if i had/have it but i feel huge guilt over maybe spreading it before quarantine. trying to keep to all the rules but its hard when they are vague and ever changing. scared for people i know with lung problems parents are (currently) driving me up the wall, though the last week or so we were getting along ok. hope everyone stays well
  7. Believe it or not, I am a worrier, and I wasn't panicking too much about corona virus until today. Basically, I had to send something off in the post and guess what, to send a letter you have to lick the stamp. Now I'm all anxious because I don't want the receiver to get sick because of me. I feel like a monster. My mum has a cough and fever and I'm really worried I've transmitted something. I'm not symptomatic and we immediately self isolated, but I can't help stressing that I might kill someone or something extremely dramatic. Argh. Put in OCD forum because TBH that's where it's coming from. Same thing used to happen to me when I was a cook and had to serve chicken. If it wasn't 100% cooked with good hygiene practise all the way through I would obsess over someone dying. Writing that out is giving me some perspective. One of my biggest obsessions is accidentally killing someone, so there you go. I'm being an idiot because I started researching, as if that has ever made me feel better. Somebody please talk some sense into me. How is everyone else with (some variant of) contamination OCD doing?
  8. Trauma therapy can feel like a damn opening. Sometimes you have to let the metaphorical water drain. It becomes easier to find and hold healthier relationships when you have a better one with yourself. After trauma therapy I found talking about what I could do differently in my own relationships to be a good complementary topic. Hope the rawness goes away soon.
  9. 4am and only had a couple of hours sleep. effing cold

  10. It's going to be terrible. Once again getting screwed over by Westminster. M*****f*****'s. Apparently no lessons have been learnt from the past
  11. Ultimately (ironic given this threads conception) it seems Brexit was the thing that screwed Lab up the most. Not saying there weren't other issues but the Tories won predominantly Leave seats. The Tories had the united Leave vote, and probably the vote of people who 'just wanted to get on with it'. Hoping Scotland will have an easy journey to Indy2 but given the way things are going it seems unlikely.
  12. I am so stressed about this damn election and I feel like I already know the result. I have a 'I don't like David Cameron' t shirt which remains evergreen. I say remain... turned out to be leave in the end
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