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ananke

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About ananke

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  1. Welcome welcome! As echo said, welcome to the not-BPD personality disorder club! No hate to the BPD-ers, we're all in the psychological dump together. I'm sorry, I can't help you with HPD specifics, but very open to chat about having a PD in general. One thing I got to grips with is that the reason PD's sound kind of normal is because (with some exceptions) a lot of PD traits are just normal human personality traits that have been pushed to extremes. Extreme circumstances (abuse, trauma, ACE's) force extreme responses (PD's). The way I break down a PD diagnosis is that there are two components- normal personality traits pushed to an extreme (e.g. perfectionism, dramatic, anxious) plus a general cluster of MI symptoms (e.g. delusions, mood instability, obsessive behaviours). Hope that makes sense? I try to take my PD symptoms with a pinch of salt. There are a lot of OCPD things that hurt me (chronic suicidal ideation for one) so if a symptom is bothering me, I address it. If I pick up that my tdoc or loved ones are concerned or frustrated with something I'm doing (like my self righteousness haha) then I try to take the feedback. But I'm not an inherently bad person. I found ACT to be really helpful. I think I try to work on being a version of 'me' that I can be proud of more than most, and especially those without a PD. In short, having a PD doesn't make you a bad person. If there are aspects of the Dx which you can relate to and they hurt you, you can work on them. But you don't need a personality transplant. You're still full of the same flaws and draws as everyone else. TBH the most debilitating parts of my PD are the MI symptoms, though the perfectionism et al isn't great either. Also yes, there is almost nothing out there by way of supportive resources. BPD-ers probably have more than most but that also comes with higher awareness and stigma, so 😕 And if you think it over, research, talk to other pdocs and still say 'this really doesn't sound like me', still come talk to me. I was misdiagnosed with BPD and I have a lot of thoughts on that (again, no hate to BPD-ers, not your fault). I was on the wiki page for HPD and misread 'rapidly shifting emotional states' as 'rapidly shitting', which says way more about my personality than this effing diagnosis.
  2. one of the small mercies of the current brexit period is that whatever crap thing trump says has been bumped off the news. got to appreciate the little things
  3. i tried listening to a podcast of experts talking about just this last week, and i got 15 minutes in before i couldnt take anymore. i have no idea whats going on. there is/isnt a general election, we are/not leaving on the 31st, and there's definitely/never going to be another referendum.
  4. Indeed, and when you get radio silence it doesn't help. I do understand the desire for people to intuitively pick up on your bad vibes. If literally any of my teachers had intervened at various points as a child I'd be in a better place for sure. Hope that your parents smell the coffee and start listening to what you need.
  5. A very bitter irony is that the people most able to help and relate are usually too drained from trying to cope with themselves. I've had to step back from people in a bad place because two crises don't tend to make things better for anyone. I think the reason people as a collective are good at certain acts of helpfulness is because they have better social scripts for it. During a family members cancer, we had a whole food rota with random people making sure we all had dinner. But at the same time, those people couldn't really help us process it because they genuinely didn't know what to say. Can't speak to it if you don't relate. Mind you, when mostly strangers did try to connect with me about it, I wanted nothing to do with it, but that might be me. I might sound like a real sh*tbag for this, but if a forum isn't giving you what you need emotionally, it might be better to either be very direct and give concrete instructions, or if people still fail to get the message, not use that forum for that emotional need. I go to my parents for different things than my friends, and vice versa, because they give me different things emotionally. I don't think I'm being very articulate here- it does royally suck that important people in your life just don't seem to get it. The guy who made you those dinners sounds like a nice guy though. Maybe your family need a come to Jesus moment? I could go on a whole rant about how mental illness is treated and that the well intentioned and hopefully net-good messages of speaking up are not necessarily the same as a good social system, but that might be for another thread. It's good we're getting to a place of openness but from what I've experienced it's now lead to a lot of people just stuck having exposed a big vulnerability with no real safety net for how to deal with it. EDIT: I think I conflated facebook (a forum) with family, which was stupid. Point is, if facebook isn't working, does calling or F2F help?
  6. I'm so sorry yarn. Is there any external pressure to help them? How much contact are you with them now? My gut feeling is that the helpful and generous part of you is great, but there needs to be a little bit of an a-hole in you to make sure you aren't getting taken advantage of. If they are unwilling to confront past emotional abuse, I doubt they are gonna change their ways now, and unfortunately you might have to choose your needs over theirs. Even when it feels like the 'wrong' thing to do. Here's a few articles from Captain Awkward, not sure if they help but the Captain generally has better advice than me. They are sort of tangentially related though: https://captainawkward.com/2019/03/13/1187-people-from-my-past-at-my-estranged-fathers-funeral-do-not-want/ (funeral advice) https://captainawkward.com/2018/08/21/1135-my-dad-wants-to-fix-our-relationship-and-i-dont/ (advice on parental boundaries) https://captainawkward.com/2014/05/26/579-being-pushed-to-forgive-because-faaaaaaaamily/ (more on forced forgiveness)
  7. It's tough but I think Nicola has the better singing voice God he's gonna get a second term and I'm more depressed about it than I was about him becoming president in the first place I hope you guys have hoarded all your gold and stocked up on drinking water in time for that sweet no-deal Brexit recession
  8. This is currently the extent of my political sentiments. Pronouns may vary. Too tired for more nuanced discourse
  9. What a weird thing to say on a thread about a real world crisis? Like no doubt a lot of news is bad right now, but burying your head in the sand doesn't help much either. If a media break is working for you, great, but maybe this wasn't the thread to voice that
  10. lord pig himself finally got the job he always wanted. maybe if i fuck up enough and lie enough i too can be a big boy with lots of friends and money. mostly when i try that it gets me fired. the trick is- have the money and friends and then start lying. v important difference im so glad that two (possibly more! too angry to google) world leaders got to their positions in spite of accusations of corruption, lying, racism, anti-lgbt sentiments and violence against women. what great role models. if i hear the phrase 'hes the kind of guy i want to have a beer with again', im going to vomit
  11. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-49102274 I'm just gonna leave this here if it wasn't so hot i'd ask for a day off and go to westminster, but thats what you get for opening the gates of hell i guess?
  12. spent my whole weekend with a migraine, glad my ocpd is so efficient i didnt miss a single day of work and was in horrible pain during my own time!!

  13. 100%. There are Tories who think they are doing the old fashioned thing and thats the right way, or there are Tories who'd kill their own grandmother to be in power. BJ is the latter. That is, if he even has a grandmother. He's being very cagey about his family. Blah, wish I could tell you. I'm so out of the loop I forgot about the Brexit 'deadline' in April. I can tell you that, since the government has a nice holiday for August, the chances of having a deal in place by the next deadline are zilch. Not only will the new leader have a months break, but they'll have to assemble a cabinet and create a new deal and discuss it with the EU... Put it this way, I've heard people who's employers have only prepared for no deal. Remaining or a deal are not realistic anymore. If it's Boris, consider it a given. The best I know, without a deal that explicitly protects free movement for EU nationals (about as likely as a cure for cancer) then EU citizens will be treated like everyone else. Which is to say, you'll need to go through the visa process etc. Honestly though I doubt the Home Office cares about Americans, it's refugees and Commonwealth citizens they don't want (you know, people who really deserve a home here but 😕). I don't know about employers. Some have already picked up sticks and moved on (fucking Dyson bastards) and more are likely to do so in the event of no deal. Why stay behind and cope with the paperwork, cheaper in the long run to go elsewhere. This entire fiasco is going to make a handful of people very rich and very important. Luckily some of them are politicians, so we know they have our best interests at heart. EDIT: reread this and I accidentally insinuated there's a right way to be a Tory- what I meant to say was there's the old guard who refuse to modernise because they think they're right.
  14. Ah sorry I meant Andrex. Silly puppies with their toilet paper and paint and condoms... What Multiple neighbours were concerned about the uh, argument that doesn't exist because BJ doesn't need his private life investigated! Even though he could be PM! Luckily he and Trump have enough in common that I don't think anyone will be concerned about a little violence against women. This was Stone. Cold. My friend works in an industry with strong links to EU regs and apparently they have only prepared for no deal. By the time C-I mean, Hunt or Boris actually get in, organise their cabinet, and come back from August break, they'll have zero time to negotiate anything. I do think he is genuinely racist/homophobic, but he genuinely thinks that since he isn't committing hate crimes it's all just lads being lads right.
  15. I have dyspraxia and this fit me so well. I was literally about to start a new thread about it until I saw this one. It's scary. Can't handle conflict at all. I thought my breakdowns every time I got into even minor arguments were anxiety based. The last time I was at therapy I talked about this and how I can't come down from it, none of the usual therapy stuff works. Dang. @Blahblah I'm sorry, that sucks. I've been meaning to start a commisery board for those of us who have... feelings about being diagnosed with BPD. Not a BPD hate thread, more that no matter whether it's an accurate Dx or not pdocs have a way of wielding it like a condemnation rather than a disorder. I'm gonna stress that people with BPD are, you know, normal people who happen to have a mental health problem, and the issues I have are with the professionals.
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