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About ananke

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  1. To be fair, it was deeply unsettling to me that I was suddenly expected to work at things. Not being spoon fed or in nappies (UK for diaper guys) was upsetting due to my natural laziness lol. This also makes it sound like we monitor other peoples BM's as well, so let me personally reassure non-OCPD individuals- I don't care how often you poo. Hope that eases some minds
  2. Sorry, complete sh*tpost (no pun intended) but I found this article on the OCPD subreddit and it made me laugh. I won't bother linking it, as it's quite clear the guy who wrote it has only ever read books on it (and bad ones at that) Apparently I should be seeing a GI doctor not a therapist 😂 Look, I did Freud 101 as well, and I know there's anal retentive and anal expulsive. Maybe Freud's psychosexual stages can be the new Zodiac? I won't date anyone stuck in oral, they just haven't matured enough for me...
  3. the idea i've been going with is that i cannot, in any meaning way, shape or form, help my ex. they are a being unto themselves, and from what i remember have literally no desire to change or ability to care about the people they hurt. so instead of trying to reason out why my ex did what they did, i focus on myself, since i'm the one person i can meaningfully change. the reason i say this isn't to start going 'what could you have done differently'. it's more that it often feels like more than one betrayal with interpersonal trauma, and one of those betrayals can come from within. how could i have let this happen, why didn't i do this or that, why am i still angry, etc. trauma can split the self into pieces just to cope. and those pieces can be mad at each other, even if it's counter intuitive. i think i go on a lot here about self forgiveness, and im certainly not an expert in it, but it has helped. since i think you are still in contact with your sister, and other family members, the best advice i have is to seek a mediator. a good family therapist should have experience with these things. but since i've never done it, and i can imagine why it would be very intimidating (or any other factor that would be prohibitive), that might not work for you. i don't know. i wanna give you real life experience but i'm unfortunately the kind of person who will passive aggressively bring up past hurt in an argument, then feel terrible and try to make up for it big time. not a cycle i'd recommend. another one of those betrayals are all the people who stood there and could have noticed, but didn't. yeah, i understand why you can't just 'let it all go' when no real change or justice has happened. maybe go back to your tdoc and say 'yeah heres why that doesn't work for me'. can't force forgiveness if it's not willing
  4. Welcome welcome! As echo said, welcome to the not-BPD personality disorder club! No hate to the BPD-ers, we're all in the psychological dump together. I'm sorry, I can't help you with HPD specifics, but very open to chat about having a PD in general. One thing I got to grips with is that the reason PD's sound kind of normal is because (with some exceptions) a lot of PD traits are just normal human personality traits that have been pushed to extremes. Extreme circumstances (abuse, trauma, ACE's) force extreme responses (PD's). The way I break down a PD diagnosis is that there are two components- normal personality traits pushed to an extreme (e.g. perfectionism, dramatic, anxious) plus a general cluster of MI symptoms (e.g. delusions, mood instability, obsessive behaviours). Hope that makes sense? I try to take my PD symptoms with a pinch of salt. There are a lot of OCPD things that hurt me (chronic suicidal ideation for one) so if a symptom is bothering me, I address it. If I pick up that my tdoc or loved ones are concerned or frustrated with something I'm doing (like my self righteousness haha) then I try to take the feedback. But I'm not an inherently bad person. I found ACT to be really helpful. I think I try to work on being a version of 'me' that I can be proud of more than most, and especially those without a PD. In short, having a PD doesn't make you a bad person. If there are aspects of the Dx which you can relate to and they hurt you, you can work on them. But you don't need a personality transplant. You're still full of the same flaws and draws as everyone else. TBH the most debilitating parts of my PD are the MI symptoms, though the perfectionism et al isn't great either. Also yes, there is almost nothing out there by way of supportive resources. BPD-ers probably have more than most but that also comes with higher awareness and stigma, so 😕 And if you think it over, research, talk to other pdocs and still say 'this really doesn't sound like me', still come talk to me. I was misdiagnosed with BPD and I have a lot of thoughts on that (again, no hate to BPD-ers, not your fault). I was on the wiki page for HPD and misread 'rapidly shifting emotional states' as 'rapidly shitting', which says way more about my personality than this effing diagnosis.
  5. one of the small mercies of the current brexit period is that whatever crap thing trump says has been bumped off the news. got to appreciate the little things
  6. i tried listening to a podcast of experts talking about just this last week, and i got 15 minutes in before i couldnt take anymore. i have no idea whats going on. there is/isnt a general election, we are/not leaving on the 31st, and there's definitely/never going to be another referendum.
  7. Indeed, and when you get radio silence it doesn't help. I do understand the desire for people to intuitively pick up on your bad vibes. If literally any of my teachers had intervened at various points as a child I'd be in a better place for sure. Hope that your parents smell the coffee and start listening to what you need.
  8. A very bitter irony is that the people most able to help and relate are usually too drained from trying to cope with themselves. I've had to step back from people in a bad place because two crises don't tend to make things better for anyone. I think the reason people as a collective are good at certain acts of helpfulness is because they have better social scripts for it. During a family members cancer, we had a whole food rota with random people making sure we all had dinner. But at the same time, those people couldn't really help us process it because they genuinely didn't know what to say. Can't speak to it if you don't relate. Mind you, when mostly strangers did try to connect with me about it, I wanted nothing to do with it, but that might be me. I might sound like a real sh*tbag for this, but if a forum isn't giving you what you need emotionally, it might be better to either be very direct and give concrete instructions, or if people still fail to get the message, not use that forum for that emotional need. I go to my parents for different things than my friends, and vice versa, because they give me different things emotionally. I don't think I'm being very articulate here- it does royally suck that important people in your life just don't seem to get it. The guy who made you those dinners sounds like a nice guy though. Maybe your family need a come to Jesus moment? I could go on a whole rant about how mental illness is treated and that the well intentioned and hopefully net-good messages of speaking up are not necessarily the same as a good social system, but that might be for another thread. It's good we're getting to a place of openness but from what I've experienced it's now lead to a lot of people just stuck having exposed a big vulnerability with no real safety net for how to deal with it. EDIT: I think I conflated facebook (a forum) with family, which was stupid. Point is, if facebook isn't working, does calling or F2F help?
  9. I'm so sorry yarn. Is there any external pressure to help them? How much contact are you with them now? My gut feeling is that the helpful and generous part of you is great, but there needs to be a little bit of an a-hole in you to make sure you aren't getting taken advantage of. If they are unwilling to confront past emotional abuse, I doubt they are gonna change their ways now, and unfortunately you might have to choose your needs over theirs. Even when it feels like the 'wrong' thing to do. Here's a few articles from Captain Awkward, not sure if they help but the Captain generally has better advice than me. They are sort of tangentially related though: https://captainawkward.com/2019/03/13/1187-people-from-my-past-at-my-estranged-fathers-funeral-do-not-want/ (funeral advice) https://captainawkward.com/2018/08/21/1135-my-dad-wants-to-fix-our-relationship-and-i-dont/ (advice on parental boundaries) https://captainawkward.com/2014/05/26/579-being-pushed-to-forgive-because-faaaaaaaamily/ (more on forced forgiveness)
  10. It's tough but I think Nicola has the better singing voice God he's gonna get a second term and I'm more depressed about it than I was about him becoming president in the first place I hope you guys have hoarded all your gold and stocked up on drinking water in time for that sweet no-deal Brexit recession
  11. This is currently the extent of my political sentiments. Pronouns may vary. Too tired for more nuanced discourse
  12. What a weird thing to say on a thread about a real world crisis? Like no doubt a lot of news is bad right now, but burying your head in the sand doesn't help much either. If a media break is working for you, great, but maybe this wasn't the thread to voice that
  13. lord pig himself finally got the job he always wanted. maybe if i fuck up enough and lie enough i too can be a big boy with lots of friends and money. mostly when i try that it gets me fired. the trick is- have the money and friends and then start lying. v important difference im so glad that two (possibly more! too angry to google) world leaders got to their positions in spite of accusations of corruption, lying, racism, anti-lgbt sentiments and violence against women. what great role models. if i hear the phrase 'hes the kind of guy i want to have a beer with again', im going to vomit
  14. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-49102274 I'm just gonna leave this here if it wasn't so hot i'd ask for a day off and go to westminster, but thats what you get for opening the gates of hell i guess?
  15. spent my whole weekend with a migraine, glad my ocpd is so efficient i didnt miss a single day of work and was in horrible pain during my own time!!

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