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Zelling

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  1. Thank you both for your responses. I guess it's a difficult one, and might me summed up in the sense that paranoia is somewhat out of reality, while anxiety is based in reality. Or something like that.
  2. Google searches on the subject are not really helpful. For example, when I start getting paranoid, thinking things like people really are telepathic or I'm living in a sort of Truman show, I'm still aware that there's a chance that may not actually be the case. Google results tell me people with paranoia have no insight and can't be convinced otherwise. So how do I tell what symptoms are anxiety and what's paranoia? I had always thought anxiety was obsessive worry about your health or the future, but I have recently been told that much of my thinking this year is stereotypically anxious thinking. Like, obsessing over the fact that I'm friends with my boss will jeopardize my job. Or thinking my dear friend of 12+ years is untrustworthy without much if any evidence. Or thinking people are gossiping about me at work. Anyone who can help me distinguish between the two is much appreciated! (I was diagnosed in 2014 with schizoaffective, if that helps, being the depressive type.)
  3. Getting a bit concerned about the resurfacing of schizo symptoms at the moment. I'm not thinking nearly as clearly as usual. I would rather not go back on haloperidol, but it seems to be the only thing that fixes the delusions & paranoia. Does anyone else here take a very low dose, like 1.5g or 2g? Or just PRN? Really, I've been putting it off for financial reasons. Going back to the psychiatrist, that is.
  4. It hit me last night after a week of particularly severe depression that I have been getting increasingly paranoid. Like, everyone else's actions are motivated by me or things I do, world revolves around me kind. And I don't want to let it slip into the everyone is out to get me kind. But I would rather not go back on medication because I've been doing okay without it for a long time now, the topic causes huge fights with my mother, and I can't afford the repeat doctors visits required to get the dosage right. Plus I just don't like taking anything in general. Does anyone have any tips about managing paranoia on your own?
  5. Thanks all for the replies. They might be just a random mix of intrusive thoughts. I'm seeing a new psychiatrist next Wednesday so will see what they say.
  6. Can anyone explain internal voices for me? I have my usual internal speech, like my own thinking voice, and then there's theres about five other conversations also going at once - in my same voice - that can be completely unrelated or sometimes nonsensical. I hear it inside my head with the same impression as my normal thinking speech, though sometimes the random words and phrases are louder and sound like I've tuned into a radio station. But it's not like I hear voices or sounds coming from outside my head in any way, so they don't really feel hallucinatory. It makes it very difficult to concentrate sometimes. It's as if I have five trains of thought going at once. I have trouble focusing on any one of them for long, and am often rapid switching between. I also have the worst case of earworms - my brain never stops playing music I remember. I always have music stuck in my head and it never shuts up. The only way to fix it is drown it out with more music. Even music with no lyrics, classical or electronic, gets stuck. If anyone knows how to get rid of music stuck in your head, please let me know! I don't know whether this is all mild psychotic symptoms or ADHD.
  7. Experiencing bad apathy and emptiness in both thoughts and emotions, and it's making me want to blame it on the mess and stop taking them, but the haloperidol has been so good for paranoia I can't risk going off them. Feels like a lose/lose situation
  8. Suffering from extreme boredom at the moment. I'm not at university so don't have that to keep me busy on the weekend (though even during uni I don't do the work because I can't focus.) Today I exercised twice, played the piano, learned some French, did chores and shopping, watched tv, read some, knitted more of my blanket, listened to an audiobook, tried my hand at drawing - yet I still feel like I'm going to die of boredom. The haloperidol has made me feel nothing but contentment about everything which is nice, but I think sometimes it's at least partly the medication that makes everything so dull. It's like I'm rather apathetic towards everything and nothing can hold my interest.
  9. Extra haloperidol has been working wonders. So far as I can tell, the paranoia is gone at present. Saw the psych again today because he had a cancellation (charged me $370 for 40 mins!!) and managed to get around to talking about my struggles with uni. He has put me on a low dose of strattera to start tomorrow, will see how it goes. Apparently here if you have past history of psychosis you can't be prescribed most ADHD drugs without permission from the government, which is probably a safe and sensible thing to do.
  10. Thanks all for the replies. No, I've never been tested for autism spectrum. The psych hasn't really provided an explanation why I get this.
  11. Thank you so much for the support everyone. kind of annoyed - my psych was an hour and a half late, I got a rushed 10 minute appointment and then was charged $275 for it. On the bright side, increased dose of haloperidol so hopefully that will help.
  12. Only two days till I see my psych. I have this persistent delusion that I am a terrible, bad, worthless person because the voices & intrusive thoughts have spent so many years telling me so. I wish it would go away. I know on some level that I'm not as bad as I believe I am, but the moment I think that the counter argument comes screaming back.
  13. Having the worst day I've had in months. Managing to scrape myself through work, less than an hour to go. So much agitation, paranoia, delusions. Some insight, which is a blessing. I have to remember not to make decisions when like this that could be majorly regretted later. Only one week till I see my psych, thank goodness. Pretty sure this dose of haloperidol is too low, if the symptoms have been so persistent
  14. I have found that quite often, possibly more frequently over the last year, I get overwhelmed by an impression of sensory overload. It's like my brain just doesn't want to take on any more information or input in any form and only wants to lie quietly in a dark room, staring at the ceiling and not thinking of anything. Do you experience this? Do you have any thoughts on why it might be occurring, and how to manage it? Thanks in advance for your responses.
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