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About RedMan

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  1. I do restrict myself, but I try to challenge my fears a little bit at a time. Driving is very difficult for me, especially on the freeway. I try to take short trips on the freeway (no more than 5 miles or so) a couple times a week. My goal is to be able to drive 10 miles comfortably. So that's how I do it. Tiny steps. Hope this helps.
  2. I can relate to what you're saying, but sometimes I wonder what "cured" means. There are times when I can go for weeks without having any symptoms. During those times I feel happy and proud of myself for using my CBT skills. I feel accomplished because I'm able to focus. My house is spotless, I work out about five days a week and I don't feel trapped or like I'm in a maze of emotions. Then all of sudden BAM. Sometimes I know what triggers it and sometimes I don't. I believe there is a way out of this suffering. I'm a Buddhist and that is the point of it, after all. I sometimes get impatient because I want it to end right now! One thing is for sure-it won't just evaporate on its own. We'll have to work on our issues and there are many ways to approach that. You can try CBT (which you can learn from books and videos or a therapist), medication (and you may have to change meds a few times until you find the right one), spirituality and exercise. And here's a tip from someone who has suffered soooo much. GET ENOUGH SLEEP. Five or six hours won't cut it. You need 8 hours. I was on gabapentin but I stopped taking it because I thought it was giving me blurry eyes. Turns out the blurriness is caused by allergies, not the meds. So I went back on it and the doctor raised my bedtime dose to 600 mg. Now I get much more rest and I don't wake up filled with fear and rage. But anytime I forget to take my medication I notice it's a very bumpy morning! I've spent a lot of time in Afrika and I speak two Afrikan languages. I'm familiar with my own culture as well as a couple of others. There can sometimes be a rigid mindset among the people and a reluctance to discuss issues such as the ones we talk about on this board. Fortunately a willingness to recover can make up for the lack of support. Whenever I have a setback I sing this song to myself: The itsy bitsy spider ran up the waterspout Down came the rain and washed the spider out Out came the sun and dried up the rain And the itsy bitsy spider ran up the spout again. Hope this helps. Sorry so long-winded.
  3. Not looking forward to this at all, but I know I can do it. I had hoped to never see or hear from this person again. But the only way I can get my life back is to go to court and face it. I was wrongfully accused of assault and sexual assault by an ex girlfriend years ago. I ended up spending a few months in the county jail despite the fact that there was no evidence AND the so-called victim did not report it until years after the alleged incident. For years I walked around angry and jumpy and always afraid of being accused again. I didn't think there was anything I could do about it until earlier this year. I hired a lawyer and found out that the proceedings by which I was convicted were illegal and the case was overturned. In response, the prosecutor has threatened to pick up the charges again and start over from scratch. I found out last week that the prosecutor's office destroyed my file and all evidence (which was basically just a statement from her), so I doubt there will be a new trial. I have to go to this hearing to tell the court that I understand that since the case was overturned, I can possibly face the same thing again, blah blah. Most states have laws that every time there is a court date the "victim" has the right to attend, and so that is why she will be there. Can you imagine how you would feel if someone fucked up your life like that and then you have to look at them in court??? I have decided to just tough it out. I have my meds and I have myself. This is just the way it has to be. I'm trying not to take this personally. These things happen to lots of people. But I can't let her get away with this bullshit. I have to fight. The only real concern is that I might start fighting myself (get depressed, start skipping meds, become full of rage, etc). That's the part that sucks.
  4. That's actually a good idea. I'm staying at a relative's place and this complex has a gym. It has a pool also but it's not warm enough to swim- which would have been great because swimming can be really exhausting. Gonna try it. Thanks.
  5. ObRobot, When I'm stressed like this I become jumpy and very irritable. But I seem to only be able to tolerate those feelings for a short time and then it's just full blown anger. I am all the way on the other side of the country so even if I had a tdoc they wouldn't do me any good until I go back home.
  6. Dear Friends, I have to go to court on Tuesday and will probably come face to face with a person that traumatized me. Haven't seen this person in over 15 years. I am worried that this will be a trigger. I have spoken to my pdoc and was given some Valium, but I'm wondering if there are any techniques that you can suggest to help me. I particularly need help dealing with the time between now and Tuesday. This is difficult to me and I appreciate anything you guys can teach me. Thanks.
  7. Thanks so much guys. Robot I'm going to try isolation. It's in one or two of my cbt workbooks but I've never tried it. This sucks so much. Finally had 5 weeks without any panic attacks or freak outs....back to the drawing board.
  8. Filled with shame after recent ptsd related outburst. Can't get it out of my head. sometimes I feel like a hamster on a wheel. was doing so well.

    1. Stickler


      Try going for walk or run or bicycle or something?

  9. Had a really bad day yesterday. I am going through some legal issues which as you might guess is stressful. Yesterday my attorney sent me an email. It was a copy of a letter written by the opposition but I thought it was FROM my attorney to the opposition. My head started spinning and I felt so betrayed! I have been doing well with my mindfulness stuff but it all went out the window. I called her up and let loose on her voicemail. She was surprised and when she explained I apologized. But today I'm still full of shame for the way I spoke. The trauma that caused the ptsd involved a betrayal. It's hard for me and I am wondering if I am just bsing myself with all this cbt/dbt stuff. I'm so ashamed I don't even want to talk to her. And I have to because of the case. How do you deal with the shame? And what has been most useful for you in terms of safeguards so that you don't have meltdowns?
  10. Thanks. Never heard of your medication before. Is it prescribed just for the anxiety? I'm wondering if another branch of medicine might help me. ..like neurology maybe? I want to go back to work so so much!
  11. Dear Friends Has anyone here ever found any help in other areas of the medical field besides psychiatry and psychology? Neurology perhaps?
  12. Yes it is. Both situations involve wrestling with my mind all day and night. May work for some people but obviously not all.
  13. Stick I'm going to start a trauma journal this week. But I am going to have the clinic assign me a new doctor first so I can have meds to manage what comes up. Had been avoiding that but you're right.
  14. The extra pill won't help because I take them 6 hours apart. By the time I take the next pill the previous one has worn off.
  15. So I spoke to the doctor and the shithead suggested that I take klonopin three times a day instead of twice. How the fuck is that supposed to help? Same dosage just one extra pill. He e-prescribed another bottle since I threw it out yesterday. I hung up on him. I won't be speaking with him again.
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