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About maddy232

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    BC, Canada

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  1. I'm so exhausted with this whole "waiting for help" thing. I can't believe I could possibly be waiting up to 4 weeks to just find out the date of the psychiatrist appointment. I'm extremely angry right now and have been intermittently breaking down. It feels like nobody takes me seriously about anything or nobody cares about me and i'm beyond frustrated.
  2. Well my mom went to an appointment with our GP regarding me today and he referred me to a psychiatrist. I will find out the appointment date in 1-4 weeks(the appointment itself could be months away and i'm not sure how I will attend because of my anxiety). Apparently the psychiatrist can properly assess me and refer me to the psych ward, but only if deemed necessary in their opinion and if they are willing. I don't understand how the emergency department doesn't consider me an imminent threat when I show up with stated suicide plans. The only time I go there is if I feel unsafe.
  3. I haven't left my home in months and I can't reliably attend appointments because my anxiety is too out of control. I know people who have gone into hospital for months at a time and they weren't even in a crisis, they just went for stabilization and treatment because they needed something more intensive than outpatient. That's what i'm trying to get. There are too many problems to solve just by seeing a psychiatrist once a month(which in my experience, has been the most you get where I live) I also feel that I have been a danger to myself recently, which makes it all the more reason to go in.
  4. I don't understand ANY of this and i'm fed up. I haven't left home in months, the clinician who has been occasionally coming to my home has said she doesn't believe in hospitalization for anything other than emergencies and can't personally do anything to get me into hospital anyway. I am feeling completely hopeless. I have a long history with the local hospital(only hospital in our city) and i've been repeatedly denied admission. I'm only 18 and i've been dealing with this joke of a mental health system for over 3 years. Along with anxiety and major depressive disorder, I was also diagnosed w
  5. thoughts of suicide, sent home, not the first time this has happened. told to distract myself and get some friends. doctor says hospitalization would be pointless, even though I can barely function in life and am suicidal. says the staff in the ED have no access to psych wards or psychiatrists. diagnosis of borderline personality disorder "traits" ruining my chances of getting help, I believe.
  6. I don't see a reason to tell my treatment team, they take everything I say as a joke. I can't imagine what they'll think of this. I don't know when I see my pdoc again, but maybe i'll let my counsellor know next time I see her.
  7. I have been hospitalized 5 times. I am under 18, we have no adolescent psych ward/facility in my city, and for whatever reason doctors won't transfer me to an out of town facility, so i've been wrongly held in the childrens unit all 5 times, and did not even get any sort of help while there. There have many times when I miss the safety of the hospital though.
  8. So for the past 3 days or so i've been feeling like I must be jesus. Alot of weird coincidences have been happening, and ever since I was little I could think about something and it would happen that instance. I can hear people praying to me, even in different languages. The thing is, i'm not delusional. A counsellor once told me people who have delusions don't recognize the absurdity of the thoughts. I recognize this could be classified as a "delusion" to many doctors and such though. Oh well, just thought i'd share.
  9. Ok I will bring this up to my pdoc when I see him next. He's away for about 2 weeks I believe though.
  10. Its constant! Every single freaking day! I'm ALWAYS terrified! I can't deal with it anymore! I can't concentrate on anything else The worst one is the one girl who I think sounds like a broadcaster. She has *that* sort of voice. She is there constantly, telling me what I do, what TO do, and what NOT to do. She occasionally throws in insults or threats, but not as often as a man voice who's there too. The man voice is scary, terrifying, homicidal, and I want to kill myself because of him. He's the one who can turn my thoughts dark and once he gets going, he doesn't stop. theres also
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