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katie.goodair

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About katie.goodair

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  1. If you have done much reading around the subject, you will have found out that Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) is the preferred choice of therapy for BPD. While I would always recommend having therapy with a professional, I am currently without a therapist too (thank you NHS) and did some digging on the Internet. I found this workbook for DBT, which walks you through how to start applying the theories behind the therapy, and includes worksheets to fill in etc. https://docs.google.com/file/d/1cyanUui4ZlpL0suxvBoGhgsBQwM5aAsHXKl4U2vdQ7eRPMqcwe-jPuTxqgl2/edit?pli=1# If you have done much therapy then you will recognise many of the formats of the sheets here. However there may be new things that help you and you can work through on your own. http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/freedownloads2.htm Hope this was the type of thing you were after!
  2. I can't quite believe what I've just read. You clearly have some sort of mental disorder to be posting here, indeed reading your sig you have quite complex and misunderstood disorders, and yet you are so quick to judge other people on theirs. This judgmental-ness is the reason the majority of people with mental disorders do not get help, and why suicide numbers are increasing year on year. I have BPD (although haven't officially been re diagnosed yet) and am far more likely to be found curled up in the library avoiding conversation than being aggressive and forwards with someone outside a nightclub. Clearly you have no idea what being BPD means in reality. You can be BPD without having trauma and self harm in your background, and you can self harm without being BPD. I agree that you should not date this girl, for she deserves someone better than someone who is going to go around labelling everyone they meet with something that they find derogatory. I really hope you learn a lesson from this.
  3. I guess technically I don't tell people, but I don't cover my scars, so people can usually tell that I do/have in the past. I find being open with everyone a lot easier than trying to remember who I've told and who I haven't. If I do mention it I tend to be very casual, probably too casual, about it - although lots of people know I have MI and self harm, very very few are privy to deep conversations about it.
  4. Does it bother you that people don't recognise your struggles? It seems to and I guess I'm just wondering why. Those closest to you seem to understand that it is indeed self harm, and that it is a problem for you, and most people strive to keep self harm secret. I think if you have support from those closest to you then does that not feel like enough support for you? I don't know I'm just trying to understand a little bit - you seem to have the opposite problem to a lot of people here who, Internet aside, would like to keep self harm a secret.
  5. I don't have any useful advice for you, I'm afraid. But I just want you to know you're not alone. I completely understand and empathise with what you're saying. I've changed everything in my life in the past two years - my career, my friends, my living situation, really everything. But yet I'm still depressed and still haven't got better. Okay I'm functional, but I'm not good. And I've come to the realisation that it's because I simply am not ready to get better. Getting better scares the shit out of me. I don't know why, I don't know how to change it, but that's the truth. It scares me. I've changed everything, and so I must have changed too, but I don't know what this new, not-depressed Katie looks like. I only know the old Katie, and the depressed Katie. Anyways I don't want to hijack your post so I'll stop rambling, but I hope you get some therapy soon and that it helps
  6. I'm not entirely sure what you want from us.. You have poo-pooed any advice given to you, and yet would like help. Here's what I will say though: you seem to be belittling your own condition. Situational depression, or adjustment disorder, is just as valid as clinical depression. It simply means there's a cause to your depression. And it means it can get better - hooray! Little changes could make a big difference to how you're feeling. Get into a routine, get out and meet people. Go to the park the same time every day - you might run into other people there at the same time every day. Getting better doesn't just happen. You need to work at it.
  7. Have you thought that maybe the new pills could be making you a little hypomanic? It is possible for them to do this and you sound like how I've felt during episodes. My diagnosis is currently dysthymia and bipolar rapid cycling, but we're also looking at it being and/or BPD. But for me the BPD is more about like how I react to things and my emotional reactions, and I can explain my reactions and why I am feeling like that, whereas the bipolar side is more "I feel like I'm going crazy and I have no idea why". I get all these symptoms for no reason. Whereas my BPD always has a reason. There's a reason I hate that person now when I loved them ten minutes ago. Even if it's illogical, there's a reason. I don't know if this makes any sense but it was just my immediate reaction to your post. I don't think you have bipolar in case that's not clear, I just think maybe these new pills are making you a little hypomanic. Also I'm British too and both my pdocs that have mentioned BPD have called it EUPD - because we diagnose according to ICD-11 where is is called EUPD, whereas in the U.S. They diagnose according to the DSM-V, where it is called BPD. I think people just call it BPD as that is much more well known.
  8. I agree that it depends on if your depression recurs, but I think it's absolutely possible for people to come off antidepressants. Not everyone, but definitely some people. I think it also depends on your pdocs point of view. My old pdoc had me prepared to be on meds for life, yet when presenting with the same symptoms to my new pdoc, he wants me off meds within a year. Which when I'm currently suicidal and on meds, doesn't even seem possible, but that's besides the point. I haven't changed in that six months between changing psychiatrist, neither had my symptoms (except my depression got worse), but I got two different diagnoses and two different prognoses. That's why it's so important to find a psychiatrist that works with you. (Not like my current one, but now being on the NHS I have little chance of changing)
  9. If how "good" your life is determined mental illness I should be one of the happiest people on the planet. It doesn't work that way. We can see that you're really struggling, and there's no reason to feel guilty for that. All these negative feelings towards your husband could well be the MI talking, I really hope that some therapy and change in meds helps you work these feelings out.
  10. I find the only way I can get up is by having something to get up for that I cannot miss. Ie a job, or at the moment I'm volunteering and know that if I miss a day without notice I won't be allowed back, and I need to do a certain amount to pass my uni course. When I have uni I find that I miss a lot of it, luckily my course manager is understanding, but it still isn't good. If I was signed off sick, which my doctor did offer, I think I would just mope about. Different things work for different people, but motivation is something which anyone who has suffered with depression knows can be a struggle. I hope you find something that works for you
  11. As my pdoc most helpfully put in my care plan for this month "stop worrying about future". Oh gee thanks, I didn't think of that!
  12. I had a month long stay in 2013, followed by six months of day patient care (going in every weekday for therapy/ward round etc). I was lucky enough to have private insurance then and the hospital was amazing. My pdoc was amazing. The other patients were amazing. I had four different types of therapy per day plus yoga/art therapy/music therapy. The experience was incredibly validating and I wouldn't hesitate to go back if I needed it, if I could. Now, I'm on the NHS, and not so lucky.
  13. I know what you mean. My mood starting fluctuating when I was about 12. I'm now nearly 22. I barely remember how I was before then, let alone the fact you change so much during those years. I sometimes think of myself as quick tempered, moody, selfish and harsh. But I can also be kind and gentle and selfless. I don't know what is me and what is illness. I might never know, especially as I'm on the brink of being diagnosed with a personality disorder. I think you just have to try and accept who you are right now. You can't change who you were in the past, you don't know who you'll be in the future, but right now, this is who you are. What that doesn't mean though is that "I am ill" is your personality. I'll give an example, I'll go: at the moment, I am a hard worker. While I may not be able to do as much as everyone else, I try my hardest. That makes me a hard worker. I am sad. I am kind. I am reasonable. I like animals I love my dog I like the sunny weather This is all me. Right now. In a year hopefully some of it will be different, and maybe I would have more to add to the list. But for now, that's me.
  14. I'm afraid I haven't much advice to give, but wanted you to know I empathise with how you're feeling. My pdoc who I've met three times wants to change my diagnosis from bipolar to BPD, and in doing so wants me to come off all meds. Given I am still a mess with the medication I'm on, I don't want to think about what I'd be like without meds. Like you said, it's terrifying. I wish I had answers but I don't, but know that you are not alone in this.
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