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wnek2

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About wnek2

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    Eatin Crisps & Lovin Life

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  1. Seroquel has been a godsend for me. I take 400 mg at bedtime and it conks me right out. Really keeps a lid on things (I tend toward mania rather than depression). The only real side effect I have is mild grogginess when I wake up. But it's well worth the tradeoff.
  2. Hi everyone! Well, I survived Xmas! Now there's only one more thing and that's having a visit with a friend of mine who lives out of town. She's really a good person, but she's very finicky about everything so I learned a long time ago that when we get together (which is only a few times a year) we are going to do what SHE wants to do. Sometimes it's okay with me, sometimes I'd rather have my eyeballs poked with hot skewers--the latter is the case tomorrow as we are going to see a movie (Joy) that for me holds all the interest of watching someone else get their toenails trimmed. I wish it was culturally acceptable to use a smart phone or tablet while at a movie. At least then I could read something interesting while she was watching the movie. I'd try to listen to a podcast but she'd get mad that I had the earbuds in (and thus was not paying attention to the movie) and I'd have trouble listening because movies are so loud it would probably override the volume of the podcast. I guess I'll have to try daydreaming or sleeping, not sure if I can get away with either one.
  3. Thanks for the support. I've been oscillating between feeling like a failure, to thanking Heaven I don't have to set foot in that craphole again. The only positive thing that's come of it, is that I've made some decisions about what kind of job I want to get. I've been working for small companies for a long time now, and I'm ready to do the big corporation thing again for a while. Being somewhere where there are policies and procedures and organization sounds really appealing. I also know I do not want to work days anymore. Which makes things simpler, because companies are always looking for people who actually want to work second shift and will stay there. I'm not going to get into high gear till after the New Year, because nobody's going to be actively hiring till then. So I'll at least have time to get my Xmas stuff done, which will make for an easier holiday.
  4. Well, there's one more reason to be miserable at Xmas now. I've been unable to work since late August, when I had back surgery. After a lot of soul-searching, I resigned from my job. It was my second surgery, and I did a lot of heavy physical labor, and I wasn't aiming to have surgery #3. Then I found what sounded like the perfect job. I was so excited, I couldn't wait to start. Then I started. It was terrible. The guy who was supposed to train me showed me how to turn on the machines and then left. If I had a question I had to go track him down, and when I did, he acted really irritated that he had to explain something to me. There were no procedures for anything. Their paperwork was a mess and didn't make any sense. We were supposed to get paid breaks, but nobody took them. When I went on break they turned away as I walked by. So since no one was helping me learn my job, I made two errors. Two errors in nine days, neither of which hurt anything or cost the company any money. But still, on Friday, the owner pulled me aside after lunch and fired me. I was so stunned I had to hold back tears. I've never even come close to being fired in my entire life. And here, with no warning, no discussion, no nothing, he just fired me. Then he sat there and blabbed on and on about how I had to look at it from his perspective and how I would feel if I were in his shoes. I couldn't believe I was hearing it. I wanted to scream, "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK HOW YOU FEEL! YOU JUST FIRED ME YOU COCKSUCKER! JUST LET ME OUT OF HERE!" Finally I just said, "I don't want to talk about this. Let's just sign the papers and be done with it." What I wish I would have done is said, "You can't fire me, because I quit!" and ran like hell for the door. But I was just so shocked I couldn't even think straight. So now it's Xmas and everyone's all holly jolly and shit, and I feel horrible. Despite the fact that I only worked there nine days, it feels like a really big blow to my self-confidence. Xmas just gets worse and worse every year. I wish I could just disappear from the face of the planet from about October 15 through January 15. I don't belong on the planet anyway. Oh well, I hope everyone else is having a good holiday and that I didn't suck the joy out of your lives.
  5. Maybe it's the meds you're on? I don't know about all of them, but some meds can do a real number on your sex drive. Are you coming down from a manic episode? Being manic kicks a lot of people into libido overdrive. If so, you might feel undersexed in comparison.
  6. I keep hearing the same phrase over and over in my head: "Awaking the Sleeping Giant." I keep thinking about WWI and II where we were dozing off while the rest of the world was getting crushed, in our cocoon between the oceans. Only when it all came to our doorsteps did we shake the dust off, get up, and do what had to be done. I don't want to think about this war. I don't want to think about young, brave people from all over the world being killed. But even less do I want to think that terrorists should be able to overrun the world while we sat on our butts and did nothing. Time to wake up. You can't bring flowers to a gunfight. This is going to happen whether we want it to or not. Appeasement doesn't work; we've seen that happen twice;* it's not a choice anymore, it's a mandate. It doesn't matter anymore who started it, it's time to finish it. *The French have seen it three times--it didn't work out too well for Louis XVI either.
  7. The Middle East has been unstable and war-ravaged at least since Biblical times. None of this is anything new. And if you want to go further back, you might want to revisit what happened under Jimmy Carter. The Shah got kicked out of Iran, his followers took 52 Americans hostage and held them for 444 days while everyone waited for Carter to do something. The problem is not Republicans or Democrats. The problem is inherent in that area and will never go away. IMO, the best thing we could do is utilize our resources and become energy self-sufficient, lock the Middle East, throw away the key, and let them beat each other into a pulp while we do something positive for our own country.
  8. Well, as far as I understand it, with Lamictal there's not a "magic number" like there is with Lithium and that your dose is pretty much based on how you feel. I know there are people on the boards who are on all different doses. So if your dose is working for you, that's what counts. But you can still have a conversation about this with your pdoc to find out where he is coming from so you guys can work together on this.
  9. I had a severe episode of mixed mania. It was the first full-blown episode I had so I didn't know what was going on, and I didn't seek treatment until it got to the point where I couldn't function. I got started on Lamictal and within a short time I could feel it was working, but it wasn't enough by itself so when I started seeing my pdoc he helped me find the right cocktail. For months afterward I still felt like my brain was smoldering. I had trouble paying attention and focusing. Gradually that subsided as well. I think the symptom that held on longest was anhedonia. I had this odd feeling some people call "being at sixes and sevens," sort of like just not knowing what to do with myself. I was back to work so that helped, but at home I didn't have the feeling of, "Okay, I feel like working on my sewing," or "I'm in the mood for a little snack," things like that. I was just sort of mechanical for a while. I would say it took a little over a year till I gradually regained my enthusiasm for life and the ability to take pleasure in the little things, like looking at a beautiful sky or reading a good book on a rainy day. But it did come back, gradually. Of course everyone is an individual, so no one can say, "In X amount of time you will be feeling back to normal." It's a function of your meds helping your brain to recover, and that takes a different amount of time for everyone. But one day I realized I was looking forward to things again, and looking back I could see how far I had come. If I could give you one piece of advice, you might consider talking with a therapist and/or going to a support group to help you get your bearings on your journey back. Hope this helps!
  10. I like IR because it conks me out at bedtime and I sleep, but the stupids wear off by mid-morning and by the time I have to go to work I'm running on full steam intellectually. XR didn't put me to sleep and made me stupid 24/7.
  11. That is a tough question, because everyone's experience is different. BPI is classed as having episodes of flat-out mania alternating with flat-out depression. But reality is somewhat more gray. Your progression might initially start as hypomanic episodes that self-resolve but then get worse and closer together until you hit true mania. But in that case you probably will have been diagnosed as BPII or NOS and only get your final diagnosis once you experience true mania. And of course you will go through hypomania as you escalate toward true mania. Then you have the question of, Who decides, and how do they decide, whether you've hit true mania? Does anybody on the board know how this decision gets made?
  12. I had racing thoughts that I could not organize or control. Extreme sensitivity to any sound or vibration--I could not bear even to hear a clock chime or feel someone walk across the floor. Sometimes I felt disembodied or disconnected. I could not fall asleep, could not eat, could not pull myself together. It was terrible, all the more so because I did not know what was happening. I wanted to go to the hospital, but my so-called "doctor" at the time would not admit me, saying it would be a horrible experience because they would take away my possessions. I was so naive and so incapable that I felt I had to trust her and do what she said. Finally after about four months it got so unbearable I was ready to commit suicide. I won't dwell on that except to say that I didn't actually attempt it but finally got it together enough to insist on going to the ER. From there I went on the unit--which actually turned out to be a great experience. I was there for 9 days, then spent a month in IOP, then went to a support group once a week, and that's where I got the name of my pdoc. From there it was the normal slow process of finding the right meds and making the life changes I needed to.
  13. So I got sucked into the Xmas black hole yesterday. I was in Kmart to get a birthday present for my stepmom and saw a Minions throw blanket. So I'm a minions fan and I thought...hey, I could buy this for her to give me for Xmas. Because (a)I knew she wouldn't have any idea what the minions are and it would be easier to just buy it myself and (b)she has COPD so why make her go get it when I was right there? So I called her and she said, "Sure, go ahead and I'll pay you back for it." So then I was in Wal Mart and they had Despicable Me 1 and 2 on sale and I thought that would be the perfect thing for my aunt (stepmom's sister) to give hubby and me. So I called my stepmom again and she said, "That'd be great, I'll write you a check for the whole bunch of them." So in one shopping trip I did their shopping but still haven't started mine! And to make things even more surreal, when I was in Kmart, they already had winter clothes on clearance and were putting out spring things! WTF, it hasn't even gotten cold yet! It was never like this on my home planet....
  14. AFAIK, 300 mg of Lamictal is considered a "normal" or "average" dose, with some people taking substantially more. So you are still only 1/3 of the way there. Don't give up, you've still got some titrating to do, and then some time for your system to really respond. IME, anhedonia takes longer to kick than depression does. It did for me, anyway.
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