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Everything posted by dragonfly23

  1. Tank tops breezy summer days diet Dr Pepper
  2. I guess I feel pretty good. Very hyper, over animated. But I am trying to get some structure back. Sometimes that helps. Eating was not good. Need to work on it. Somehow I forget.
  3. She took her life.  Her pain was that strong.   Wtf   I get it.  But wtf. 

    1. jarn


      You okay?  I'm sorry

    2. dragonfly23


      I don’t know if I am okay.   I don’t know what do.  This keeps happening.  😢

    3. Blahblah


      I'm sorry, I hope you are OK 😢

  4. Manic Thought it was over , apparently not. No rest for the wicked 😜
  5. It’s been a hard day at work, but it’s almost over when I get home I will paint my hard work in the yard paid off. It looks stunning 😀😀😀✋
  6. I feel overwhelmed . Work sucks. People need to leave me alone. How am I suppose to catch up if people keep yapping at me.
  7. Back to work tomorrow.  Omg the lack of structure while manic has been very expensive. 

  8. A cool summer morning A great break from the heat I slept well the feeling of contentment
  9. Excited. Going to the Ren Faire. Gotta get my steam punk stuff out!
  10. Oliver cats sunshine
  11. I think my mania is winding down. The crying has started. Seriously. fuck this. but who knows I could wake with a second wind
  12. Hopelessly sad. I am so tired of the merry go round. So tired of my brain betraying me over and over. I really am such a fool. I don’t get to be happy. Only manic. Manic feels like amazing happy. But it’s not. It’s false. It’s fake. It’s over.
  13. I slept. Finally ................maybe finally this episode is winding down.
  14. I am exhausted. Physically. But my mind won’t let me rest. Won’t let me sleep. maybe tonight I will sleep. I can’t move I am so tired.
  15. Hypo? I think not. But one other disagrees. I think he is just a lazy ass. Lots to do and it got done as well as a ton of other stuff. 😀😀😀
  16. I feel pretty good. For the moment. I will take it. My moods have been labile lately. Learned that word (labile) from an old Tdoc. Pretty slick word. Word.
  17. Manic....sometimes just hypo. Sometimes normal , sometimes depressed. I guess mixed. I see my pdoc a week from Wednesday. He knows I am not stable atm. When I went in last I was horribly dissociated. Hoping some med adjustments help. I have a prn. I really hate talking it. I think it makes things worse,
  18. I don’t feel aligned inside. Time either goes super fast and I don’t understand why, or it goes so slow I get confused cus I did so much. When I look at the clock time just doesn’t seem like it’s correct. I know this makes no sense,
  19. I am not correctly aligned with time 

  20. Yes I have had periods of stability. Some times for years. I had a good period in my thirties that lasted years. My MI has gotten much much worse as I got older. Symptoms are more severe and last longer. I am on a lot more meds. i do still get periods of stability however. Denial should be my middle name. My x Tdoc called it mood permanence. Also I minimize things once they are in the past. . “ No big deal, shit happens “ “ It’s a mistake, I was just not communicating well or I was misunderstood.” “ I was just having fun” “ I was just really down, I wasn’t gonna hurt myself” ”these meds have made me worse, given me symptoms I never had, I am sure I am fine underneath them “ ” I feel fine don’t need these heavy duty head meds, they are gonna ruin my liver and all kinds of bad things” ” they just want to trap people on pills, then we are stuck and can’t get off. I was never that bad in the first place, i function” The main ones are “ I am not that sick, I function” and “ I am fine underneath these meds , I can feel it.” But I do function well, stopped drinking and using, am better at recognizing some of my behaviors,. I stay very structured. Like very very. I have more skills now to help me. I have more insight. But struggle with mood denial. Hell sometimes I swear I am not even bipolar and it’s been some weird mistake.
  21. I have seen the same pdoc for years. Before seeing him I was diagnosed MDD by various doctors. Most likely cus I only presented when depressed. When I started with my current pdoc I was diagnosed Bipolar NOS. Guess I didn’t fit the box and I had addiction issues at the time. I was told that was part of an NOS DX. Current diagnosis is bipolar 1 due to long manic episode. He has talked bipolar 2 and even unipolar. He does not like boxes.and rather keep the DX fluid based on symptoms. I hope you have found some relief. I take seroquel and Lamictal as well. And a few other things.
  22. I struggle with awareness of hypo or manic episodes. So I look for my markers. Markers I have worked on with my Tdoc. While I know that I see all the markers I seem to want to prove to myself I am fine. It’s not like I am constantly hypo or manic. I have quiet times inside of the episode. Hours usually, maybe a day. Even a depressed or agitated day. These quiet times let me deny anything is wrong. Do you experience the same?
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