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AnxiousAmy

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  • Gender
    Woman
  • Interests
    Music, science, dungeons and dragons (read *geek)
  1. Hi My partner M and I are crazy cat ladies too. We did have 5. Bugsy and Buffy passed last year... Bella, Morpheus and Midnight still keep us in mice. Midnight caught a quail the other day and bought it in.... She gave it to Poppy (dog) her closest friend.... We have 2 dogs and about 25 fish tanks too...
  2. Hi! Ahhh.... Yes disappointing parents.... I do that too. I get quite emotional about that sometimes. And not being psychic has quite a few pluses. Knowing what people really think... Sounds like torture... Looking at the facade people present can be hard enough.
  3. When you say 'genious' do you say it in a singsong like high pitched voice? That's how I hear it in my mind. Pleased to meet you. Please don't look into my mind. It ain't all sunshine and roses.
  4. Don't apologise. 8-9 months of up and down with meds is quite full on. It is the changing times that are hardest - waiting till things take effect and even out. I actually have been on the same meds for the last 6 years and apart with problems with sedation, I am *reasonably* stable. I do have ups and downs, I think that is to be expected w my issues. Mostly, psychosis and anxiety.
  5. Taken me 26 years and my cocktail still isn't ideal. Damn psych meds and their horrible side effects... My spelling of meds may be wrong, it is as I remember them. Started with Prothiedin Domotherapin... Fuck that shit is strong. Stopped it after only being able to drool into my cornflakes for a week. Became scared of psychiatrists after that and took a while to see one again... Then SSRI's - have tried quite a few... Citralopam and the optical isomer of it can't remember the name... And peroxitine. SSRI's don't work very well on me... They may as well be crystal meth... I can not sleep and become even more mentally unstable... I had one psychiatrist insist I keep taking the optical isomer of citeralopam and after three days with no sleep I was in a totally crazy psychosis.... Shaking....anxiety.... Felt horrid Largactil or Thorazine or thioridazine..... So fucking strong... Total sedative... Could only sleep and slur... Developed twitches... Had an evil headache from it... Seroquel.... Again so fucking strong sedative wise - slept for over 15 hours a day... Tricyclics... Amytryptaline.... Yuck... Oh my gosh did it give me pimples... Erupted over entire body... MAOI's.... Can't remember the names... These felt like I imagine cocaine would feel.... I felt good... Too fucking good.... I developed an ego and knew more than everyone else and told them so.... Became horrid to be around. Quite a change from my normal reticent self... Clonazipam. Finally something that fucking worked with the least horrid side effects.... Was only given limited doses.... Lithium.... Sooooo.... Deeeaaaad in the head. Yuck. Epilim.... Holy fucking shit that shit is strong... Felt like a drill bit burrowing into my head crushing whatever is there.,... Haloperodol.... Goodbye three weeks... I have no idea what happened... Diazepam.... Goodby stress hello sleep... Tramadol.... Some time after being treated for psych symptoms I discovered I had a brain tumour. Finally doctor would believe me when I said I had electric shocks going down one side of my body.... 300mg/day.... Felt like heaven compared to the psych shit. Relieved a lot of my anxiety.... After radiotherapy stopped that as it no longer hurt.... Then more regular dose of clonazipam.... Cause it fucking works for me! Well for two years until I started getting evil headaches on it... Then switched to lorazipam 6 years ago. Consistent dose of 30x1mg tablets per 3 months for the last six years... Olanzapine.... Was put on this as part of a compulsory treatment order... Hated it... Still do... Was on 20mg per night but. So. Much. Sleeping... Lowered to 10 mg and more recently 5mg.... Really really hard to get off as I can't sleep without it... Also when I try stopping psychosis can creep back.... Still 5mg's is an improvement. Oh, and olanzapine made me put on 30kgs. And a number of different sleeping tablets, herbal remedies (St. John's wort dose similar things to me as SSRI's).... Oh... And beta blockers... Propranolol ... Didn't do much. And another one which I can't remember the name of... Didn't 't do much likewise.... And now I am on bupropion to help with smoking cessation and give me a lift... Has helped with ciggies... And lowering my dose of olanzapine... Don't notice much of a mood lift and do get quite a few dizzy spells/spinning out moments now... That's all I can remember as of this moment, may have missed some.... I like lorazipam the most as it works on my anxiety with the least side effects. Often it energises me . And olanzapine does suck but it does keep psychosis at bay... Wish I could get an antipsychotic with less sedative effects....
  6. What about Japanese coffee in a can? I love that stuff, it's like a science experiment of added coffee flavour and extra caffeine.
  7. My anxiety is quite different from what a lot of you have said. I do sometimes get a racing heart. Mostly though my thoughts go to painful places. I relive bad/scary/embarrassing or shameful memories and they shut everything else out. Sometimes I end up curled up on the floor in the foetal position repeating one word (ie. No no no no no....) for ages. Quite often I spurt out repetitive words. I think what I am trying to do is distract my mind from what I was thinking about. It is really embarrassing when it happens in public and other people see.... I did also used to make weird whistle noises/patterns. I feel what I can only describe as mental pain/anguish. I hate it. Sometimes I wake from sleep after feeling these things in nightmares shouting.
  8. For me, the only thing that really works is lorazipam (Ativan). I go through around 30 1mg tablets in three months. Sometimes I have none for weeks on end. Sometimes, if I have something stressful happening I can take them every day for a week. I really find it hard to cut back after that week. Get grumpy and terse, and a bit light headed. I do my best to take it only for anxiety. I have been on the same dose for ~6 years, before that, clonazipam - but that started giving me an evil headache. I don't notice any major side effects from a 1mg tablet. Gives me a bit more energy sometimes and defiantly makes me able to be relaxed and happier. At night it can make me a bit sleepy. I would rather not take it. Just like I would rather not take olanzapine. I do however need to. (3 suicide attempts in my past, and crazy delusions if I go off olanzapine.... I have crossed over into different worlds without the psych meds. Most are not that pleasant).
  9. It can go both ways for me. Generally in the day time if I have anxieties bothering me I find I gain more energy from the lift in my mood. At night time, when I take my olanzapine too, it can make me tired. I take a 1mg dose prn.
  10. Yeah, olanzapine does suck some. I put on 30 kg's since I started via a compulsory treatment order. It is not nice to feel railroaded into something and have your personal choices taken away. It upset me mostly as I had been asking for help and didn't feel I needed a compulsory order. So, oh yes can I relate. At the same time. Olanzapine does stop psychosis for me. I sleep for 12-14 hours a day which sucks. I am not psychotic though and that is good. But at what cost. Also, olanzapine has a reasonably short half life, so ongoing effects, well I don't know about months. It can be hard to stop and even induce psychosis by stopping sometimes weirdly.... And then there's the freakin insomnia.... Yuk. I am trying to stop atm after being on for 6 years. Has been hard going. I am very pleased to have been stable on half the dose which I will take as a win. Olanzapine started bad.... Probably took a couple of years for me to acclimate and be able to work (though only part time due to the excessive time spent sleeping and feeling numb. Sounds like you had a horrid experience. Antipsychotics do work. Unfortunately they have side effects. Olanzapine is way better for me than Thorazine or seroquel which I was on years ago....
  11. Thanks guys. I have formulated my first post and put it in the poly drug cocktail section Stale donuts are the best kind, and coffee ain't coffee unless it's bad. I even use whitener over milk
  12. Hi I feel like downloading and asking some advice. Currently I take Olanzapine, Bupropion and lorazipam (prn) for my psych issues. Over the last year my psychiatrist and GP have been suggesting I come off Olanzapine. I was originally put on it as a compulsory treatment order. Have taken 10mg every night for the last 6 or so years. I tried a couple of times to lower my dose and it just made me feel terrible. Sleepless insomnia from the infinite planes of the abyss.... Massive anxiety fluctuations and psychosis creeping in in it's slow, almost sneaky way altering my thoughts, lifting a veil and making me way to honest with people about what I am thinking..... Constraint is important to me. I like to fly under the radar.... Anywho. I spoke to my GP about my difficulties with it and he suggested two things that may help. Stopping smoking (which I needed to do for an upcoming surgery) and taking Bupropion to help with nicotine withdrawal - and also it might help me get off Olanzapine a bit more painlessly. Something about nicotinic receptors.... To my surprise this worked amazingly well. This was about 4 months ago. Over the course of a month I weened myself off Olanzapine and was doing really well. Sleeping fine - and for 8 hours not 12-13 which is amazing.... And weight literally started dripping off me which was nice too (that olanzapine did make me fat - put on 30kgs). I went and got my surgery - to my vocal folds which seemed to go well, and I was feeling amazing. Turns out Olanzapine is a bloody strong sedative.... Who would've thought .... Then .... About 6 weeks latter I had some stress enter my life. The vocal surgery had failed and needs to be repeated. Really bloody annoying as it means I am aphonic for another three months (read, no voice). When it went bad it was also painful. Had an acute admission into surgery etc and a couple of days spent vomiting out my lungs.... It hit me quite hard mentally. I cried for a week and upped my dose of lorazipam to cope. 1-2mg a day for a week or so. (I get 30 1 mg tablets every three months and they really help me stay sane with the least yucky side effects).... I really felt positive being off olanzapine for 6 weeks, so wanted to stay stopped.... Then some psychosis crept in. Luckily I recognised it, with the help of my partner, so I started taking olanzapine again. I took 5 mg per day - which is half my prior dose, and feel balanced out again after about a month. So, yeah. I want to stop Olanzapine. I would really like to get a higher allowance of lorazipam to help prn. I have stayed on a consistent dose for 6 or so years. Only use it to treat symptoms, and it really works for me. Without many yucky side effects. I have tried maybe 20-25 different psych meds in my life and they have sent me up, down and around in circles. I don't want to be psychotic and the olanzapine has helped with that (at quite a cost). It however does not work on my anxieties unless I take 30-40mg.... Which also makes me sleep for 16-20 hours and feel totally doped up whilst awake.... Basically non-functional. That is what I like about lorazipam. I can function on it. For some reason it often gives me energy (seems converse no?). And the anxieties that plague me lift off my shoulders. I have had a number of traumatic life experiences that I can never manage to compartmentalise effectivley enough. I wonder if anyone could offer me some advice or wisdom? I have done a lot of talk therapy. Doesn't really help me. I need meds to keep stable, and functional (I work in immunology and transfusion medicine. And I want to be able to keep working. I have kinda figured out about myself that benzo's help as they make painful memories I have feel less prescient. I wonder if something like ECT could help me.... I don't know much about it but do wonder about it's efficacy compared to highly sedating antipsychotics..... I would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks for your time reading. I have an appointment w my GP soon, a very understanding man, and thought I might try to come up with a plan and see what he thinks. Thanks. Amy
  13. Hi. I am Amy. I do immunology/transfusion medicine for a job. Am currently looking for a new one as it happens. I also have an anxiety disorder and can have psychosis rear it's head sometimes (I call these my batshit crazy times). I am medicated and keep a reasonably even keel. Thankfully. Anyhow, I came here to ask for some advice from people who can relate to my special brand of crazy and who would like to share their acquired and accumulated wisdom. Hello!
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