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The Dead Guy

Member
  • Posts

    338
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Profile Information

  • Gender
    Non Binary
  • Location
    On the bus stop bench, waiting for Godot.
  • Interests
    I'm into movies, gaming, writing, reading, food, the occult, music.

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  1. I seem to have a pattern going with antidepressants. They either don't work at all, or they work for a little while and then stop. I've been on my current one for about a year now, and it worked the best of all of the ones I'd tried, but now I'm feeling depressed and exhausted again. I've been good about taking it every day at about the same time. I've only missed a couple doses, because of shit like stomach flu. I quit drinking, and I don't use drugs (that aren't prescribed). I exercise every day. I'm doing my best to eat, and to have the healthiest food I can. I take a vitamin. This is usually the time of year when I feel the best, and it's bumming me out that I can't seem to scrape my brain off the pavement. Does anyone else have this problem? Is it something I'm doing wrong, or am I just shit unlucky? I don't see my doctor again until October, and if there's something I can try that might help in the meantime, I'd do it.
  2. I'm in a depression right now, I think. Most days I feel like crap. But it feels different this time. I'm able to get out of bed and do things around the house, even though I have to force myself for every step. Then I have short periods, sometimes a day, sometimes two or three days, where I feel fine. Sometimes I even feel giddy or high. Then I crash again, sometimes hard. I've been suicidal a couple times with this. Usually my depressions are straightforward and more or less solid. Lately, I just start thinking maybe my medications are working and it's getting better, and then I crash again. The crashes last anywhere from 4-10 days. Then I feel okay again for a few days. It's been going on for several weeks now. I don't know what could be causing it. Is this a common thing for people with depression? I've never had it before like this.
  3. Thanks Mim. I've read one of Scott Cunningham's books on candle magick, I think, but I hadn't heard of Ray Buckland. Crowley is a given. Stickler, thanks for kicking in, mushy brain and all. Meditation is a good idea. It would be a good skill to work on anyway, for general mental health reasons.
  4. Keep in mind that I'm no expert, just a dude who's read a little and experienced more. I'm also depersonalized myself right now, as usual, so I might make errors and I won't swear that this will be that well written. Dissociation is a spectrum. It can mean that a person has a fragmented identity (I think that's one form of DDNOS), or that they have more than one personality (that would be DID, which is on the more severe end of the spectrum). But it can also mean that a person has trouble being "in themselves," mentally/emotionally. That can lead to feeling like you're watching yourself doing things, or feeling like your body doesn't belong to you or is different than usual. As far as I understand it, depersonalization is where you feel like your body doesn't belong to you, or is wrong or weird. Derealization is where you feel like the things around you are wrong. When I feel derealized, most of the time that feels to me like the world around me is a flat painted backdrop sheet that I could rip down if I could get a grip on it, but I can never get a grip. There are a lot of different ideas on grounding techniques that you can find online. I've seen people suggest strong smelling things, or putting your hands into fresh dirt. Keep trying different things til you find some you like. Does this happen a lot? Or was this the first time?
  5. Feel good: I have energy, I feel focused, I'm not miserable.
  6. I hope this is okay to ask here. I identify philosophically with Satanism, but I don't typically practice any form of magick, though I acknowledge that it works for others. I guess you could put me in the camp with the LaVeyans; I follow the Satanic Rules of the Earth, and try to live my life by them, though I'm very much solitary in my practice. Recently, though, I was touched by a powerful benevolent spirit of some kind. For the last week, my depression has done a complete flip. I feel energized, focused, with moments of brief euphoria even, with the strong, persistent feeling that someone is looking kindly upon me. I was given the idea to create a talisman. It literally felt like the complete idea was given to me, though I had some say in its construction. I cast my Tarot, and the spread I got suggested that this being has been trying to contact me for a long time, and that she wants me to educate myself in practice and get to know her better. I should say that I have no history of bipolar disorder, and there have been no recent medication changes or anything like that. I also have no history of psychosis, and there hasn't been anything in my life recently that might account for any psychosis. Besides, I'm having no issues of any kind right now; my sleep is good, my attitude has improved, I'm actually finding myself able to appreciate small pleasures. My eating still sucks, but that's been ongoing for awhile now. I have two questions. First, has anyone else ever experienced something like this? If so, what did you do, if you don't mind my asking? Second, I need some recommendations on books or writings for novices in pagan practice. I feel willing to go along with this spirit, but that means educating myself a little more in the basics of practicing. I'm good at casting Tarot, and I know a little candle magick, but that's it. I'd be grateful for any recommendations. Thanks.
  7. My favorite "for pleasure" app is Google Skymap.
  8. No. I should be going to therapy, but my therapist is gone this week. Do you collect anything?
  9. False. The person below me likes chewing gum.
  10. Logging in here to find some kind supportive blog replies.
  11. Numb, but loose. Kind of shaky. Tired even though I slept well.
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