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About treacleweasel

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    lookin' for a strand to climb, lookin' for a little hope

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  1. Thank you all for the support. It's so good to have a place to talk about this stuff where people believe me and don't accuse me of making a big deal out of nothing. My pdoc was very clear the last time that I saw him that I should be in touch and that he could call in the seroquel prescription if I felt I needed it and that I could see him before my next scheduled appointment if necessary. He's not *super* available (he's only in my city one day a week) but he was a bit concerned so he wanted to be sure that I knew I could ask for help if I needed it. I think I'll send him an email.
  2. Hi all -- Haven't been here in a while because I was doing well, but now not so much, so I'm back.... Background: diagnosed bipolar II about a year and a half ago. Took lamotrigine for about a year and finally went off it because it was making me constantly anxious and agitated and I couldn't stand it anymore. After I went off it (so I was/am unmedicated except for a prn benzo for anxiety), I was doing really well for a while, feeling normal, doubting my diagnosis once again but still seeing my pdoc and tdoc regularly. About 6-8 weeks ago, though, the twitchy, agitated, easily dist
  3. I've always had the most problems while working full-time, which I haven't done a lot. Some years ago I worked retail full-time for about a year before I couldn't stand it anymore and ended up running off to Europe for a couple of months and then moving across the country. After that I took online classes for my master's degree, worked part-time from home, and worked part-time at another job and things went well for a few years. Having a lot of free time and a lot of alone time kept me calm and that time was the most stable I've ever been. I started working full-time again about a yea
  4. Oh wow, I'm going through this same thing. Feeling really happy for no reason a lot of the time, which hasn't happened in a long time. Last weekend I cleaned for five hours straight. Last night I went out and I was crazy social and got five hours of sleep and I feel great today (usually I need about nine hours). Yesterday I was horribly twitchy and couldn't sit still. Having BIG BIG feelings, huge swellings of love and empathy for the world, feeling connected to humanity. But then, it's not happening all the time and not all signs point to hypo -- I'm not super productive, I don't hav
  5. Howdy. Question. I've been at my current dose of meds for 2-3 months now and I've finally started to feel some stability. It's been awesome and I didn't know life could be like this. But there are still days where I get stressed out by general life stuff or things at my job and I feel like I can't deal. I get that overwhelmed, twitchy, can't concentrate, near tears, quick to anger feeling and all I want to do is run away from life and hide in my apartment. The good thing is that these times only last around 3-5 days now instead of weeks or months like they did before, which I'm assumi
  6. I felt very similar feelings to what you're describing for pretty much the entire time I was titrating up on lamotrigine (Lamictal). Extreme irritability, bouts of rage, shaking and twitching hands, feeling like everything was overwhelming all the time. No psychosis, but I definitely felt like I was "going crazy." After several weeks on my current dose, I'm finally starting to stabilize.
  7. People have varying opinions about who to tell, some have had terrible experiences from disclosing, others have found things to be easier after telling select people. You'll have to figure out for yourself what works best for you. If a doctor (of any kind) asks what medications I'm on, I absolutely disclose -- they need to know about the meds but not the diagnosis. As far as my personal life, I told my parents but not my siblings. I told my girlfriend and three of my very close friends who I had been talking to about the difficulties I had leading up to diagnosis. I told my manager at
  8. I had no idea this was a bipolar thing. I thought that I just couldn't deal with the world the way that everyone else seems to be able to. I work full-time in a low-stress job and even just that by itself is so exhausting that it's often hard to do anything else, even enjoyable things. All I want to do is stay home and read and craft and be by myself. And if other things are stressing me out, forget it. I moved recently and it led to meltdowns every day after work for a week.
  9. Lorazepam, solitude, and loud angry rock music in headphones help me. Getting caught up in a crafting project, sewing or making jewelry. Avoiding situations that will make it worse, which means not leaving my apartment unless absolutely necessary, not trying to cook anything elaborate, never rushing to get anything done, etc. My tdoc is also having me do the free short guided meditations on the UCLA MARC website -- they can usually calm me down pretty well, but of course I have to be able to sit still for five minutes in order to do them.
  10. This is *exactly* how I feel right now. I'm also familiar with thinking back on depressed times and thinking there was no way they were that bad and that I was definitely overreacting. Everything here is hitting really close to home.
  11. I thought I was doing so well. Well enough that I was beginning to doubt my diagnosis or think that maybe the meds were starting to work. Then I woke up from yet another nightmare and now I can't feel anything.
  12. I do this all the time. Sometimes it's related to agitation, but I also think I'm just a fidgeter by nature. My gf notices it when it's happening and asks me if I'm okay, but most of the time I'm fine and it just feels nice to fidget. I've also noticed different kinds of fidgeting that I do and some are okay, some are not -- leg shaking is usually fine, but hand wringing or head jerking mean something's wrong. From what I've read, fidgeting doesn't *have* to be related to some kind of problem, but if it's causing you distress, then it could be worth asking a doc about.
  13. What people are saying about mixed episodes sounds very familiar, especially the "claw out of your skin" and "complete meltdown" bits. It is exhausting, and it makes me tense because I never know where my mood is going to take me or when things will get really bad or when they'll get better.
  14. omg if i had a dollar for every time i heard that one... Some people think MJ cures everything. I'd like to know what they'd have to say when I told them that I've been smoking weed almost every day for years (since before diagnosis) but it never made me magically better...
  15. I have a mood tracker on my phone that asks for my mood five times a day, from "couldn't be worse" to "insanely great". It is quite helpful. Usually what I'll see when stable is lots of entries of "okay" or "fine" and when I'm unstable it's mostly "bad" or "very bad" with some "great" in there. It has a graph that makes it easy to see when the bars are mostly mid-range or when they're really up and down. Sometimes it's hard to choose a mood, though, because I might be feeling really good but also really agitated and I don't know if I should go with good or bad.
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