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About mysticfox

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  1. Thanks everyone. I appreciate all the help and advice. I'm gonna try really hard to seek out help. I'm gonna try and find another therapist. I've about reached the end. I don't think smoking till I can't think or till I fall asleep is gonna solve this. I locked myself in my own closet last night because I was afraid of my own self. I'll be the death of my own self and I won't mean to. Thanks agian for all he help and giving me some hope. Hopefully it works out for me.
  2. I get it from someone that has a cannabis card so I always know what it is. I just can't imagine my life without it right now. Without it I can't sleep. I wake up every little bit and sometimes I wake up nausea and really off edge. I get really jittery and I can't sit still. I can stay up for days and have as much as energy as someone with a full nights rest. It calms me down and stops my mind from racing. I'm either off the walls or I'm so depressed I can't get out of bed. Sometimes I feel like I'm 2 different people and I never know which one Ima wake up with. Sometimes I feel like I was misdiagnosed. I'm never just okay. I really wanna get my life together and I can't do it alone. I need to find a better way though. I appreciate all the help. I like to feel like I'm not alone in this so thanks.
  3. You're right, I havent tried everything out there but it just feels like it. I feel like I've been drowning for years and all I wanted was to relate to someone. I wanna feel like it's gonna be okay because I don't think it will sometimes. I want someone out there to care enough to listen. I feel hopeless and even more hopeless without weed. I know it's not okay but I'm tired of feeling like any moment I'm gonna lose it all. I just want someone who went through this to tell me what they did. To tell me there actually really happy because I don't think I ever will be. You know they say you can't help someone until they want help. I don't want it anymore. I'm tired of crying for help and ending up somewhere like here because there isnt anywhere else to go. I feel like a danger to myself most of the time and I have no one to go to. Thanks for all the help.
  4. I have tried. I've been trying for years. I can't find a medicine that works for me and a psychiatrist who will actually listens instead of insisting they know it all. I've been at this since I can remember. I've even spent time in a hospital before. I'm at a dead end. So many people say I just have't found the "right" one but I've seen so many. Weed has a less chance of causing someting bad to happen then if I do nothing and my anxiety ends me.
  5. The whole blood sugar things makes sense. A few times it has happened is when I just woke up and started to smoke. Also I'm currently not seeing anyone at the moment. My therapist moved away and I could never find a psychiatrist who would work with me long enough to find the right medication so I kinda got to that give up stage and got depressed and that's when I stared smoking. I've dealt with this whole anxiety thing since I was in elemetary school. I dropped out of highschool because of it and isolated myself for over 4 years. Weed finally gives me relief and those suicidal thoughts I always dealt with are gone. I feel good for once. Am I going at this the wrong way?
  6. Hey all. So a few months back I made a post about how I can't find the right medication to help me control my really bad moods. I have really bad mood swings and a hard time controlling myself. Along with social anxiety/phobia and having a real hard time sitting still. I was diagnosed with bipolar around the time I was 16 and I'm now 20. I struggle with this everday and i never could find a medication to ease it. I started smoking weed about a month ago and it has helped me with everything. I'm more calm, I can talk to people more now without getting that awkward tense feeling, I can concentrate on things and it just has helped me be happy and feel better for the most part. But my question is, is smoking weed a bad idea while having bipolar? I've been having these weird panic attack like problems. it's happened about 3 times since I've been smoking weed. I start feeling nausea and dizzy and I get this faint feeing. My heart starts beating fast and I feel everything around me isn't real. I get this ringing in my ears and I feel like I'm passing out. It's really bad and I don't know if it's the weed or what. I would assume it is because it didn't start till I started smoking. I would say just stop but I've become really reliant on it and without weed my condition is worse. I feel more depression and irritated on the days I can't get it. Anyone else deal with this or going through it and what did you do? Is smoking weed bad for someone like me? It has helped me with so much and also helped with the migraines I use to get really bad. Thanks for any advice.
  7. I was put on Topamax a while ago and it seems to help a little but somedays they get so bad I feel like the rooms spinning and I have to sleep it off. I don't know if I need a higher dose of that or I need something else. But like I said previously I have episodes of where I hit myself and I get really bad headaches and migraines after that. I see my doctor Thursday because I called. I've been having them really bad and I've had forgetfulness. Also been having trouble using my left arm so I really hope I didn't cause damage to my head. I was able to get sleep finally. Seems like during the day I tend to sleep better. It was broken sleep but it was better then none at all. Three days without sleep was really was bad. I do appreciate all the help and suggestions and what not. Really helps.
  8. The clinic I've been going to has all my records and files of the years I've been going there. They even have my doctor files and when I was hospilized, but like I said they have a new psychiatrist every so often and when I go there to explain my condition. It's like they nod there head, write a few things down and put me on something new and I'm out. I even tried to talk to them more but it's like they don't really care. I've never had a psychiatrist who would really try with me and I'm really suffering. At the moment they don't even have one over there, they have a nurse practitioner aking the place of one. I've even been out of town to try and find one but I've had no luck and with me not driving and having to reply on my mother who has had ever medical problem there is. It's been really hard. I can try out the idea of a mood stabilizer but you know psychiatrist never like when you do things like that (Or at least ones I've seen). They look at me like I spend to much time on the internet. When really im desperate and I need help.
  9. I've taken some Nightquil and some PM pain relievers because I've had such bad headaches and migraines. I'm on Topamax, I've been on that for a long time now but my doctor put me on that because I had these killer migraines. I also have taken melatonin and it never did help me either. I keep so upset I get so hot laying in bed and that keeps me awake more. I've always seem to keep it together just a little but I don't know why but all the sudden I'm just falling apart and I've hit a dead end.
  10. The ones I remember that I've been on are Abilify, Zoloft, Bupropion, Prozac, Celexa, Paxil, there was a couple other ones they mixed together but I can't remember the names. It wasn't to long ago. The psychiatrists I'm currently seeing gave me Effexor and I've been taking it for almost a month. I live in a really small town so the psychiatrists I see end up leaving and then I end up seeing someone else. It's like starting over almost. I've been awake for literally for more then 3 days and a broken heart on top of it doesn't help. I have racing thoughts and I can't seem to fall asleep no matter how tired I feel.
  11. So, I'm new here and I really needed to find someone who could relate to this or someone who could give me some advice at least. I don't where to start this or anything so sorry if this a mile long. I was diagnosed with bi-polar a few years ago. I've seen several psychiatrists and councelors for several years and they all seem to tell me something different. I was even hospilized when I was 16. I use to cut myself all the time and throw these crying fits. I wouldn't go to school so I ended up there for a month. I'm almost 20 now and it only seems to get worse. I've been put on several medications because nothing seems to work for me. I still throw these fits, I can't seem to calm myself down ever. I was in a relationship not to long ago and it ended because of the way I act and the way I am. We would get into fight and even just over the phone and the moment he would walk away and ignore me I would throw these fits. I would scream, cry, throw myself at things. I found myself in a habit of my htting myself in the head and it's scary because I do it so hard I have a migraine the rest of the day or night. It's a wonder I have't given myself pernament damage. I don't know, I find someone rocking back and forth in my chair and walking the floor on a regular day. I have really bad social anxiety so I don't really have any friends. My moods are up in a down like a rollar coaster. I feel happy then mad then sad and it just repeats. I feel really down one day and next day I feel like I can do anything but clearly I have't done anything. I can't even even get a job. I dropped out of school in middle school. This is ruining me and my life it seems. I rock back and forth in my chair and find myself daydreaming. I can never sit still. People see me as this happy person but I get these looks like I'm craxy because of my rocking and pacing. It's like I'm in a battle with myself and I need someone to understand. Does it seem like I was disgnosed wrong? Do I need to be hospilized again to find out what I really need?
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