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About mywarmbluefleece

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    hiking, teaching, reading when I have an attention span more than 30 seconds

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  1. Hearing Pod passed made all the wind rush out of me. Pod was not only humorous and generous, he was a great friend and a generous one too. I'm sorry Pod. We wish we knew in time.
  2. I've always had schizoaffective-type symptoms for the last 15 years or so, but doctors never officially diagnosed it, despite some chats about it, because I was very high functioning and I worked as a teacher. These past couple years, I have not been as high-functioning.I've been unable to work, and I just am declining. My doctor is ready to put schizoaffective on my chart so I can be eligible for any of the programs associated with that diagnosis. She asked me to think of the ramifications of a diagnosis but there aren't too many places I can think of where you have to declare mental illness and get something taken away or monitored. I anonymously emailed the state board of education to make sure I could renew my license though I don't expect to teach for a while. In real life I have such bad thought disorder I have trouble having conversations. The internet is easier because I can type slow and fix things. Can you think of any other consequences? I don't plan on telling family or friends.
  3. I really don't think it's the paranoia, because I distracted myself and took a Klonopin and still felt like I was going to die. I am not very in touch with my body, but once someone suggested it was an irregular heartbeat, I knew they were right. It happened to me at the hospital, too, and I wasn't even aware.
  4. I was in the hospital about three weeks ago. We got my depression stabilized, but I've been way less numb. This has resulted in crazy anxiety. Ignore my tag below, I just got on 600 mg Neurotin, and have been on 300 mg Luvox and 500 Seroquel since the hospital. Those are fine. When I take my 300 mg nighttime dose of Neurotin, I start feeling like I am going to die if I fall asleep. I was also diagnosed with paranoia, in addition to anxiety and depression so I am not sure if it is making me more paranoid, if it's raising my anxiety, or if something else is occurring. Anyone else out there who has dealt with this?
  5. No, he is not supportive. I played a tape of a discussion we had to my therapist and she said it confirmed that he belittles me and he tries to make me do things that are very difficult for the sake of laughing at me. For example, he tells me I need to paint the ceiling when he's away on a business trip when I have a neck problem that prohibits it. I can't think of a great example, but he gets a kick out of telling me to do impossible things and stressing me out about it.
  6. My therapist has been working with me about acceptance at where I am in terms of my anxiety and depression. They seem like minor diagnoses, but I am very severely affected, and in the program at my mental health place for the seriously and chronically mentally ill. It's no contest but I guess what I am trying to portray is I've tried everything, and my next step is electroshock according to my psychiatrist. As I've been ill for 20 years, I don't expect to magically get better. I've been in a relationship for 6 years. We've been engaged 5, but with really no intent to mary anytime soon. I cannot handle a relationship right now. He is extremely loyal and I don't know how to tell him. My care team thinks he's hindering my progress. Ideas?
  7. I went to the doctor today. I was concerned he would not up my Seroquel even though it needed to be because of anhedonia and vague concerns about Seroquel that he never voices. Fortunately, he upped it. I just wanted something to say in case he blamed Seroquel for my anhedonia, because it's definitely working. So he brought it up to 300-350 and we are going to try Effexor. Thanks for your help.
  8. Been so anxious. Haven't been sleeping.

  9. I have had really bad anhedonia my whole life, to accompany my depression and severe anxiety. I got put on Seroquel when my old psychiatrist thought I was having a mixed state, and was bipolar. Turns out I'm not. The Seroquel has helped me stay much calmer though. My question is, what are the chances it's making my anhedonia worse? I am on 200-250 mg.
  10. I had a little bit of a meltdown this morning, and took a 3 hour nap. I feel a little better now. I also realized I am PMSing, though its not normally even 1/10th of this, it could be complicating this.
  11. I just re-read your first post. I didn't realize that the second time you stopped taking it was because of this very reason. I do know that this is a very common side effect. But if it is getting worse by the day, that is not good. You said the doc put you on Wellbutrin because of no motivation and anhedonia. did the lack of motivation and anhedonia develop after taking Seroquel? There are many other meds to try. Perhaps Wellbutrin and you do not 'meet cute'. Wellbutrin was the very first AD I ever took. And the effect was instantaneous and overwhelming. I couldn't even drive. There were good and bad initial side effects. but eventually the good way out weighed the bad. The anhedonia started at least 10 years ago, because in college was the first time I remember hearing that word. I've had depression and anxiety most of my life. If anything, the Seroquel has helped, because I'm not overwhelmingly terrified constantly- it makes it easier to do things.I took a 3 hour nap and woke up realizing I am also PMSing so that may be a small sliver of the problem.
  12. It's XL. Klonopin and extra Seroquel are not evening out the anxiety/ agitated feeling. I'm really trying to make it to Wednesday but I'm starting to be concerned about my wellbeing.
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