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Remnants

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Everything posted by Remnants

  1. Edit because I realised the name was wrong. Either I miss heard or the nurse miss spoke when I asked what she was giving me. This might be such a foreign side effect that no one can relate. I’ve haven’t had the ‘weird taste in mouth’ side effect with topiramate my psychiatrist talked about until I’ve tried imovane in the psych ward. I don’t know if it’s imovane straight or the combo. *Excuse my additional the healthcare system sucks rant* They’ve put down Imovane as a regular med rather than an PRN so I had to argue with the nurse tonight to not have it because of this side effect. It’s really nasty & I’m not comfortable with it. Especially since no one discussed what it actually was, or that it was going to be a regular medication rather than a PRN at our first meeting. I can’t do anything but refuse it til Monday now, coz they refuse to let me see a doctor. The nurse didn’t believe me & told me to eat a biscuit after. I said it lasted most of the following day, she didn’t understand.
  2. It’s definitely understandable that it hurt when she said that. It’s also not fair she would use it in an argument. I’m sorry that happened. Depending on the relationship you have with her, maybe it’s worth discussing how it made you feel, when you feel up to it? Well done on 3 months.
  3. Everything is going to shit right now. I can’t cope with anything & I need to vent. My cat is dying & will probably have to be euthinased next week. I have to go back to uni in just over a week. I don’t know how the hell I’m suppose to cope with that. & we’re hitting the ground running with an intensive unit that’s over in 4 weeks. I’m not sleeping. I’m so freakin tired. I have to take my mum to the dentist. My mum is normally bed ridden so that’s going to be fun.. not. Involving wheelchairs & wheelchair taxi’s, I’m terrified of taxi’s & dentists. So much anxiety. It’s a very strained & stressful relationship on top of the difficult logicistics. I have to pretend everything’s fine first thing in the morning because I have volunteering. I’m starting new meds. If it wasn’t for my cat & wanting to be there for her, I don’t know if I could keep going right now. I know this all probably seems ridiculous & superficial but I was already struggling to function before all this. My anxiety is through the roof trying to do anything. & my depression takes over all other times. I have no supports until Monday & I already feel like a huge burden.
  4. I find the most helpful method for me with abandonment symptoms is 'check the facts'. Reminding myself and even making a list of 'evidence' why the person isn't going to abandon me, why they don't hate me, why it's good what they're doing (even though I still deserve care, it's okay if they're not always around). It's a really good way to build up some self management skills but to begin with you could involve her. Sometimes easier to do before the abandonment feelings come on, so maybe do them while she's home. When you feel cared about, that you can refer back to when you're struggling. In your case it might be things like 'she has always come home before', 'we've been married for 18 years', 'she hasn't given me a reason to think she won't come home', list something/s nice she's done recently that made you feel like she cares.
  5. I’m not good at knowing the exact name for the skill but like problem solving/understanding the emotions and cause, rather than not knowing why I felt awful BPD emotional mess & it snowballing more easily.
  6. Pristiq made me sigh a lot, like the yawning thing. It was weird. I didn't last very long on that. lol.
  7. Where I go to university in Australia we have psychologists, who my friends without mental illness have told me are the most useless excuses for psychologists they've ever met. You can also only see them like 6 times. They gave a speech in my placement unit about managing stress on placement, it was pathetic, it backed up my opinion of them. So, I'd never go to them for my craziness. They are not equipped for anything.
  8. I think there's a difference between pain we can control and pain we can't. There's also the difference in sensation of self harm and pain of a sprain. It's a lot more complex that just being in pain in a way other than through self harm, so you shouldn't want to self harm. It sounds like you're going through a lot, which is understandable. Pain is challenging especially when you can't control it. It might help to try to be kind to yourself and understanding right now, than trying to understand why. Hope your ankle feels better soon.
  9. Thanks I don't know if I would be able to break them down that small, as it's a 15 mg halved already but I can give it a go. I'm keen to be off them a week or so before uni starts back just incase which gives me just under a month.
  10. Check the facts- to go to an appointment yesterday because I was feeling really worthless & like they didn't want me there.
  11. Thanks. Good to know people haven't had bad experiences coming off it.
  12. Could anyone share their experiences of withdrawing from Mirtazapine? I know it might be different for everyone but I want to know somewhat what I might expect. I tend to get really bad withdrawals from antidepressants so I'm kind of scared. At least if I know that it's a rough one I'll be prepared. I'm down to 15 mg right now, next step is halving them to 7.5mg. I initiated this by reducing my dose myself. I saw my GP who supported I came off entirely (gradually). I'm not seeing my psychiatrist for another month, so we're just not telling her that this is happening. She won't take me off my meds that I've been on since before I met her, despite the fact that they don't help and my doctors concern about the appetite side of this medication. I've been on it for like 3 years up & down doses, it use to help for sleep. The psychiatrist is through my case managers office so there's not much I can do about that, she's at least pleasant which, is a first for me with Psychiatrists. I've only met awful, horrible, nasty ones before her.
  13. The only Tdoc I didn't like, who left because she was pregnant, said something to the effect of; "I know you may wish you were my baby". Like ahhh... no. What Freudian BS is that? Where do I even begin? Also, the Pdoc who made the decision to let me out of the high dependency unit of the psych ward onto the open door ward (and didn't choose to close the doors) after my first case manage and Tdoc told me they were discharging me to a different service, knowing full well I was suicidal AF, admitted after trying to suicide. He didn't think I was serious. So, I left to try the same thing. Was picked up beside the train line by the police trying to do the same thing and returned to the psych ward at which point they decided to close the doors. He was the Pdoc for all my admissions there over that year and a half, he was an ass. Such a high BPD stigma. Oh, same ass that took me off 225mg of Zoloft I think it was & sent me home 2 days later. Was back a week later.
  14. My go to for this is 'evidence'/'check the facts'; Why do you think they're going to leave you? Is there another interpretation of the situation? Am I 'mind reading'? What is the alternative evidence for the situation? eg. they might be busy, they might be stressed and distancing themselves; try to find alternatives to what you're interpreting as the cues to say they're going to leave. And remember; if you leave first, it completely rules out the chance of the relationship continuing. If this doesn't help it might be worth trying some emotion regulation or distress tolerance until you feel like you're in a better headspace to make an informed decision or can work through /'check the facts'. Sometimes I'm too upset to do it or to find alternative answers to what my mind is telling me.
  15. Thanks for your reply. I'm sorry you experience similar stuff. At least PMDD is becoming more recognised, hopefully it keeps being more understood. Whatever is going on with me seems to not exist at least in the medical world because its not happening before my period. Years ago someone suggested I had my hormone levels looked at but there was only one specialist and it wasn't covered by the health care system so I just couldn't afford it. I know it's not the basic stuff like my thyroid. I ended up starting back on the HBC yesterday, fingers crossed it helps. My doctor was really lovely and positive about it.
  16. I am on Topiramate/Topamax and I believe that I have less of an appetite on the medication. For me this means I both; don't feel like eating as often- I might only eat one or two small meals in a day and I get full sooner. Especially on 100mg vs 50. I don't believe this has been enough to change my weight but I haven't been actively trying to. I think that's the key though, no medication is going to be a magic bullet, you still have to do a lot more. But I definitely can see how this could help be a tiny stepping stone to start that journey. I know it's really challenging so anything that can make that a little easier. Good luck.
  17. I've tried a bunch, with almost no success. I know how horrible it is and to deal with the withdrawals all the time. Mirtazapine is the only thing that worked for me, for a little while and is kind of in it's own class of antidepressant medication. It's good for sleep too, I've not slept well my entire life. Might be worth a try.
  18. I realised several months ago, with the help of a period tracker on my phone, that I was becoming extremely suicidal when the app told me I was 'ovulating'. To the extent that on more than one occasion it was at the follow through level. This isn't really something that's documented anywhere. It seems from googling that maybe other people experience it but it's definitely not recognised like PMDD. Either my case manager or psych suggested maybe because it isn't followed up by a period, that unless you use a tracking system like an app it would be hard to know. This is following having been on birth control for many years because I had noticed some sort of pattern when I was younger. I wanted to know if anyone else had experienced this? Especially people with MH issues. The doctor hadn't heard of anything like it but didn't dismiss it. I guess it's hard when something correlates really obviously like this but there's no proven reason, it helps to know you're not alone. Regardless, I have finally found an amazing GP who was willing to discuss thing with me and I'm going to go back on the birth control I was on previously to see if it helps because this is ridiculous. I haven't been this suicidal since before I was on it. For anyone interested that's the Implanon; I know it gets a bad rep for making mental health worse but it's not always the case.
  19. Thanks everyone. I appreciate your replies. I think maybe a vibrating alarm might be best because if I'm taking them at a time that suits me sleeping in when I'm not going out, I'll either be in class or at volunteering when I take them other days. My other current med is a night time take & it's so much easier to remember. I'll probably get a small pill box to put a few in to take with me. Or even just cut out a few from the foil sheet.
  20. Thanks everyone I felt better starting it knowing it was common place.
  21. It sounds like a really chanllenging night. Especially after your diagnosis to be able to identify these things. Being able to identify is a really good first step toward improving stuff. Recovering from any mental illness is really hard but bpd especially because there isn't really any medication or quick therapies & we feel things so intensely. It's good you've had this diagnosis & I'm hoping that means you have the supports in place to start working on things. It's hard but it is possible to get a handle on things. To be able minimise the effects of the symptoms & reduce their frequency. Good luck & take gentle care of yourself through this.
  22. I have a friend who ended up having to get a lot of stuff done to a self harm wound to clean it out & get it to heal properly, so please try your best to take the advice given about cleaning, covering & leaving it alone. Also keeping your doctor involved through this. I don't know where you live but they could also get the clinic nurse to dress it. It will heal a lot quicker if you leave it too, I know it's hard to leave, believe me but the alternative is much worse. Take care of yourself. Some people find taking care of SH wounds somewhat therputic, maybe you can look at it like that?
  23. How do you remember to take your meds? How do you go taking them at the same time everyday? Especially if you have a varied schedule. I go to uni, so Monday/Friday I'm up early & some other days, but when I don't have early classes or anything on I like to sleep in. I just started on an AD that seems to have a short half life & I've been really sensitive to withdrawals in the past so I feel like I need to figure out how to take this everyday at the same time. I'm thinking maybe keep it in my bag & take it around 10 then I know I'll be up. Even if it means taking it in class, I always have water on me. It's just remembering if I'm out or doing something where I'm more engaged & won't necessarily check my phone.
  24. Thanks for sharing your experience, I'd really like to know how you go. I just started this too but take mirtazapine too which is sedating. My doctor said that this med is suppose to be 'weight neutral' meaning that you don't go up or down which may be what your doctor was going for, like at least its not going to cause weight gain.
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