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Everything posted by Remnants

  1. I feel like this is something my grandmother would do. She's very manipulative & gets people to do stuff with or for her that they probably don't want to do/understand the full extent of all the time. I don't think she understands how the other person must feel though. She's very self centred & doesn't consider others feelings. She also isn't appreciative of what anyone does for her. No one should do this to another person. I'm reallly sorry this happened to you. If it helps, maybe keep a safe distance from her until you start to feel better at least. Don't be afraid to walk away or say no if she asks you to do anything else for her. Maybe if you ever feel up to it confront her & make sure she knows it was inappropriate so maybe she doesn't do it to anyone else. Take time to take care of yourself. I hope you're feeling less triggered soon.
  2. Yeah, that's her. She's not pretentious like some people get when they become a professional who does/has had mental illness.
  3. I'm so sorry you're needing to leave school. That really sucks. But I can also understand why you'd need to. Study is so hard even without the added difficulties of mental illness. I really want to encourage you that it doesn't have to be your whole life, you can come back to it when things are going better. I & friends have studied while managing a mental illness, some friends even with similar stuff to you. It is possible to achieve whatever you want. For now, take the time you need for yourself & if you choose to do something else later, don't let anyone stop you. If you choose not to return that's okay too. Take care of yourself first & formost. I'd also highly recommend watching a Ted talk called "voices in my head" if you're needing some hope. She is so amazing & intellegent & inspiring.
  4. I volunteer with a mental health service as well (as have my own issues) & a client told me the other week she got her tattoos mainly for this reason. It seems to help her a lot, that tats have been around a while & theyre not damaged. It's a great idea, good luck.
  5. I don't know if this is the right place given idk what this issue stems from in my diagnoses but I guess it's bpd coz it's always bpd. I'm feel very trapped tonight. & just in general lately. I've been in therapy for about 7 years & I'm only 24. I've done every last thing asked of me. I've put in 100% almost all the time whether that was not to kill myself or actually work on stuff. I've tried so many different therapies & even tried to do it by myself for a while since finding help. I've tried meds, I've tried no meds. I've tried residential treatment. I've tried positive coping strategies & negative ones. I've tried my best to keep some resemblance of a 'normal' life, I'm at uni, I work occasionally. I try. But nothing is good enough. Nothing lessens this pain. Nothing keeps the bad away. Everything is just a bandaid. It doesn't change anything. There's a flaw in my personality, my being & there's nothing that will get it out. I thought things were getting better, finally & now. Nope. I feel like I've fallen so far back. I don't know what to do. Maybe life isn't for everyone.
  6. Yeah, the sudden intense mood swings are some of the most challenging lingering symptoms of my bpd. I don't think my antidepressants help that at all. I think some dbt/act/mindfulness skills can make them easier. By not kinda being drawn into them & being afraid of how bad things can get with them they don't snowball as badly. But at the same time I have to be doing okay overall for that to be more effective. I also find if all else fails a weighted blanket helps me.
  7. That sounds like a good option if you feel better having more control over the situation. I know it can be really challenging to disclose some stuff like this.
  8. I don't know if this is the same thing as what you're describing but when I see pictures of self harm. it makes me not need to do it to myself. Its like the same kind of response inside me as when I have self harmed before. I'm not sure how asmr applies or if it does, I've only seen the videos of people playing with stuff that makes a cool/relaxing sound or whatever. They may have a similar effect on you, but I don't know enough to give you answer. As long as what you're doing is safe for you and helpful, and not harming someone else (obviously they're choosing to do that, you're not involved) I'd say don't be too worried. People think and do a lot of things that may or may not be different and we never know because we don't talk about it.
  9. I don't know what it is but would suggest to explain it just as you have here. I think you explained yourself well and they will know the right questions to explore it more. Even if you struggle to bring it up or say it, you could right down or copy paste what you have here. I definitely think it'd be good to talk to them about it from what you've explained. They should take you seriously, and if they don't they're not really doing their job. It sounds like you've been working with them for a while as well which will help in them being able to believe you, understand and how you two can work with it moving forward. Good luck, take care.
  10. I think like wooster said, if you like their aesthetic then its definitely worth getting one & seeing if you notice any difference. Irrelevantly, but still to do with the salt lamp I had a correlation between getting one a few years ago that I keep by my bed & not experiencing hayfever. Probably unrelated but they just seem to coincide. I think its worth trying different things like this as long as you don't put too much stock in them. Salt lamps are beautiful and create a really nice ambience that can be soothing, IMO.
  11. I sew, these I've made over the summer break (its summer holidays from uni in australia)/I made the backpack a while back but I didn't have a nice photo of any of the other dresses.
  12. This is my muffin, she's 15. She was 'helping' me cut out fabric. I really want a dog but finding a rescue that is cat friendly is a challenge.
  13. I'm sorry your sister did stuff to made you feel used & manipulated. That's a really shitty situation. do you have or want some strategies for when you feel this intense anger or just to vent to us? Either is fine. I just want to make sure you get what you need rather than me typing stupid stuff here.
  14. I can so relate to what you're saying. I don't know why anyone who this applies to would even attempt. Not to minimise anyones experience but its not something you generally do the first time you think of it. My occasional 'optimistic' thought is you're alive for what, maybe 70 years maybe more, maybe less. You have eternity to be dead and I know it really effing sucks now but you might as well see if things get better? There must be some reason so many people want to be alive and even fight to stay alive. We've survived 100% of our rubbish. We deserve to see what its like on the other side, when things are better. I know realistically it may never come and its been a waste of time & effort. But so many people have gotten better. Maybe luckily for them it took a lot less time. But surely we deserve to see that after all we've been through.
  15. Maintaining friendships can be really challenging while dealing with mental health issues & you've done a great job trying. I feel like I'd interpret the situation the same as you have, regardless of whether is right or not. Maybe if you see the friend again you can suggest to see a movie straight away, I feel like movies can be an easy way to catch up with people you don't know what to talk about with. It's definitely a strategy I use at times, particularly with people I'm not as close to. But friendship is a two way street. If he isn't giving anything to try to maintain the friendship too then don't blame yourself if it deteriorates. I've lost friendships because they would blame me for not maintaining the friendship while they did nothing themselves & that's not fair. Keep trying & hopefully he or other friendships will be more understanding/accomodating.
  16. They're scaled questions 1-5 of how much certain statements apply to you. Basically the questions are for an overview of your schema's. They're like the thoughts that trip you up in life, like; 'I'm worthless' or 'I'm alone in the world' or 'people are out to get me'. It does sound interesting & it seems good they are supposedly drawing on the best bits of other therapies. We'll see.
  17. Yes. I second that. It's intense but so good. For someone with bpd to find hope & to know how much someone gets it or for someone wanting to understand the illness. I've recommended it to my mum (who is actually a lot like Kiera's) & support worker
  18. Other people despite often the best intentions tell us stuff like this without knowing the added pressure or that we just physically can't do more at that point in time. It doesn't matter what we think or what others think. You need to do what you enjoy, can manage & improves your life for you. Some people feel better when they start going out more, for some people it's too overwhelming. You need to find what's right for you. I know people who go out a lot more than that & I know people who go out less. There's not an answer I can give to that question because it's a lot bigger than that.
  19. I guess that's kinda where I was at too. Idk if I said & I CBC going back to see what I wrote but when my psych came to me with this as an option I had said "I've done dbt & act & it just feels like bandaid, there's deep shit going on that I can't get over". That's when she spoke to her supervisor & found this. So if you want to do it, push for it. She shouldn't deny you just because you have a lot of the schemas or it'll be hard coz it'll be blood hard no matter which way you go. if you're interested my psych told me about a book that explained schema really well & is kinda like an intro to & a self help book for schema. Not because you should be helping yourself but just in case you want to learn more about it. It looks & sounds wanky af but it is actually good; "reinventing your life" by Jeffrey Young & Janet Klosko
  20. The best way I've understood it is if you get energy from being around people. Not just being bubbly & outgoing that stereotypical comes along with it. You feel better when you're around people, even new people, you would choose to go to a party every night with friends than stay at home & watch tv or do something you enjoy alone. When you leave parties you don't feel emotionally drained. Whereas introverted people get energy from being alone. They might still enjoy being around a close group of friends & spending time with people but then they need some time by themselves to reenergise. Doing activities at home, ect. Generally shy people are introverted by you don't have to be shy to be introverted. Most importantly, it isn't something you can choose to be. You are naturally one way or the other (but on a continuum, you can be a bit of both, or lots one way or the other). If you try to force yourself to be extroverted & you're not naturally it can deplete your energy quiet easily & maybe make things harder for you. The types are more about learning how you are & how best to take care of yourself, especially when you're having a hard time. If you will feel better from going out with people or you'd feel better from staying home for the night. Ect. The amount of sleep you need really doesn't come into it.
  21. I'm sorry that he crossed that line with you & it's left you feeling unable to trust your therapist. I don't know what to say other than I thank you for sharing. I can't imagine how hard all of this has made things for you. These people are the one person who we should be able to trust & he had an obligation to not let it go any further which he didn't uphold.
  22. I think it depends on the therapist & what they think you're ready for & sometimes it comes down to saying 'this isn't working, I need something else'. They likely are using some therapeutic strategy that they haven't verbalised to you. Like cbt or dbt in the way she explores how you're coping & trying to reframe your thinking. For a long time this was all the therapy I did because I couldn't handle anything deeper than trying to manage week to week. But if you feel like it's not helping or you need something more from it you're well in your right to say that. I've been in therapy for a long time & I've only had good responses to saying this. How are they to know if you don't say it? I 100% hate confrontation but this is worth it. I also find if I know what we're doing I can hold a bit more hope for the process. If you're just leaving not know what you're doing & feeling worse then it's much harder to hold that hope for the process. If she isn't well receiving of that information than maybe she isn't the right person for you. I know I had this chat recently & my psych came back with an option as well as the invertation to see another psych at the clinic or go somewhere else, it wasn't like I was stuck with what she had chose & respected the fact that maybe I didn't want to see her or didn't like the option she came up with. Again, a good psych should be okay with all this. It's their job to find something that will work for you & if they can't provide that, they should be kind about giving you the option of finding someone who can. With more in depth therapies especially, you may feel shit each time you leave for a while. But that's because it makes you think & feel in ways that you try to avoid or confronting why you feel bad. That's okay but if it's too hard you should stop & reighn it back. Therapy isn't easy but it isn't suppose to be torturous. Also, I'd like to add. Almost every time a psych says to me when we first meet & they ask how I am, I will say 'fine' or 'okay'. Not because I mean I'm fine but it's awkward to dive right into that, if I was fine I wouldn't be here. It's okay if the first thing you say isn't 'I feel like crap & I'm struggling to stay alive' or whatever, she might feel like she's built up the relationship where she can indicate to you to go deeper. There is no right or wrong way to do therapy. It's just finding a way that works for you & in the long run makes you feel better.
  23. Yeah, I definitely relate to that. The management strategies are definitely just to try and help you get to starting counselling & reviewing meds. They're bandaids. Don't feel bad about having soft toys, I have them too. We do what we need to do to get by. It takes time which is frustrating but I really want to encourage you & let you know that therapy & stuff when other people get organised for you can help. There is hope. Even if you can't see it right now. I have hope for you. Wait feels unbareable right now. I know when my next psych appointment is & it still feels so hard to get to it. Please try remember you're not alone in this. & im really sorry if I'm completely useless to you right now.
  24. Well done on 4 months. I've felt the reasons why I've wanted to self harm change over time & this being one of them. It's almost like our brain wants to trick us back into doing it by finding another reason to do it. I also feel like that reason is one of the most dangerous. It's the thing that keeps needing us to go deeper to get the same result. So it's worth trying to avoid. Someone once told me that the urge to self harm deminishes as we go longer & longer without & our neural pathways connecting the emotion to wanting to do it deminish every time we choose another option. Thinking of them like garden paths that aren't travelled or maintained. Maybe the pathway to the pleasure memory is the one that's more traveled right now but it'll deminsh too if you want & choose to not self harm. Good luck with this, it takes a long time sometime to get those pathways to over grow, but it's worth it coz you make much better pathways.
  25. It sucks so much hurting & not having a way of just fixing it no matter how hard we try. Especially when our options are so far away like the time til you can see the doc again or waiting for the therapist to contact. I hope the therapist gets back to you soon. Is it someone you want to see in particular or could you maybe try somewhere else? I know I got into see my therapist quickly because she was new/the clinic was new. I obviously don't know the details but hoping for your sake she does get back to you & have space. Have you tried any sensory tools? Please feel free to ignore this if you don't want coping strategies or have tried them, I k ow it can be frustrating when people try to offer solutions when you feel that crappy. But I find sensory tools the only real things that help when I'm that low. Particularly weighted items. Trying to pile some heavy blankets on your lap or over you in bed can be soothing. Similarly thungs that work on different sensors may help you. Like a cold or hot compress on your face. Running you hand through something tactile like a soft blanket, sand or beads. Something that smells good like a candle. Having a sound on in the background like running water, there's phone apps that can do that. Again. I'm really sorry if this is completely unhelpful. please feel free to msg me if you need to vent about how you're feeling while you wait to find someone to help.
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