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About Ceicbot

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  • Interests
    Watching the show Shameless, Glee, Supernatural and Horror movies.
    Also Youtube
    and Tumblr

    But only on good days...

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  1. Its raining which usually means im happier. Usually..

  2. i hate being in this state. Its like im aware of how sick i am but since its in me i cant change it. i feel like im in an aquairium. i can see out but i dont see a way out

  3. i was literally feeling great today...its like they want me sick..why would they she say that? ugggh im so irritated

  4. Omg yess!!! i cut to stop the crying when i feel it coming like a freaking train. Its like im afraid if i start crying uncontrollably i wont ever stop. I mean i cry like maybe after anyway but with cutting i feel like i have more of a control on it? Iduno..but i absolutely get that. Sometimes ill get my feelings hurt and it'll be minor but i still get the urge just to be in control of how im feeling. Like in a weird, you're not allowed to hurt my feelings, only im allowed to hurt myself. iduno..its weird and way crazy...>.< sorry yesssss i am the same way! absolutely this
  5. Anxiety makes my stomach gurgle like literally, im not hungry or anything and i can hear my stomach gurgling. its so embarrassing

  6. Drowning..and i'm trying to stay afloat

  7. Yess, I absolutely can relate to this wholeheartedly >.< its so hard. Im the same way ive stopped for a long period of time then it just happens and im back to being unable to control it except i feel like i set boundaries every time. This time since i have ballet i cant let myself cut anywhere that it could be brought to attention so thats limited my cutting by a lot maybe that can help cut it down set like a limit say okay no more than 5 here and stuff like that maybe bit by bit could help. I totally relate
  8. isolating myself should be my career, im great at it "/

    1. crtclms


      If only it were an Olympic sport. We'd have a really good team on CBs.

  9. yay, im glad there are responses i was afraid there wouldnt be any. @MndCDB, yeah you're definitely right about that. I do SH when im emotional. I think i do it to gain a control or handle on it. When im in that state i just keep falling and falling and you're super right i have to be extra careful cuz i feel it sometimes getting too carried away.."/ @0000000 I think i feel guilty because once the emotional part has passed i just have these wounds on the body part and since the moment has passed im able to really think and go did i need to do that. But when im in that state im spiraling so hard i just grasp onto anything. So the guilt comes from, now i have to hide these and it lets others know that i engage in that which is very looked down upon and considered "emo" and im not even in high school anymore im 24 @iaawal Yess exactly! thats how i am too. I tried wearing gloves today but since their new they were just irritated and stung >.< (theyre on both of my forearms.."/, so even typing is a little irritating cuz the keyboard brushes against them but i just regret it but last night i didnt--i couldnt @wooster thats intense to be able to SH while calm >.<
  10. Is there such thing as a mild form of Trichotillomania? I think i have that

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Ceicbot


      oh wow really? what is BFRB?

    3. cosima


      "body focused repetitive behaviors." includes trich, dermatillomania, dermatophagia, etc.

    4. Ceicbot


      oh yeah that def sounds accurate

  11. Iduno, i was just thinking about how last night i SH..and how now i have to deal with the consequences. I think i always forget this part. its like in the moment its all so real and hard to bear and i forget that now i have to wait till this heals and stops being so sore. So i was looking for posts about that, talking about how people feel the day after they engage in SH. So i guess we can do that here. Just like does mood stabilize after, is it guilt everytime a pang of soreness rings through? I guess for me it does, i feel dumb for letting it get the better of me and then having to hide them while they heal. I always choose terrible spots so it makes doing anything kinda painful as well, like typing. *sigh* iduno
  12. Yup, Nonmilitary PTSDer here, i was kinda shocked when my therapist told me i had PTSD i def thought but i havent been in a war and come to find dont need to be >.< would love to share and just relate with others
  13. omg i relate so much to you! i also have PTSD not due to combat or child abuse but multiple traumas. It did start when i was a kid but continued in giant leaps up into my 20s (im 24 now) so yeah i dont feel like i fit in with the child abuse stuff >.<
  14. i was clean for awhile then..iduno like an avalanche it all just came back...and it feels here to stay
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