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About MattMVS7

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  1. I have learned that positive emotions are how we experience the joy, beauty, love, and good values of this life and universe. When I feel a positive emotion, that is like me getting a surge of sheer joy and beauty from the universe itself. Nothing compares to this. Values founded upon intellect, morals, higher obligations and responsibilities, and character strength/development are nothing in comparison. They do not bring our lives any real value at all since they do not allow us to experience any good and beautiful values in our lives. These intellectual and moral values are founded upon words. That is, the words we think and the actions we perform. But positive emotions are good and beautiful values that go beyond words. Positive emotions are like a holy and sacred life force to our lives while words themselves cannot be this life force which means intellectual and moral values would have to be completely empty and do not bring our lives any real value. Lastly, negative emotions such as feelings of despair and grief would have to be the inner darkness since they are the opposite of positive emotions which would be like the inner light to our lives and conscious being. Therefore, having a depressive illness can only take away the inner light in your life and render your life of little to no good value and beauty depending upon how much your positive emotions are sapped out of you. If you have only a small degree of positive emotions, then your life can only hold a slim amount of good value and beauty. But if you have a large degree of positive emotions in your life, then your life has a bigger amount of good value and beauty.
  2. I have a therapist and am taking medication. The medication isn't working for the worry because this is an unresolved situation. As long as this situation remains unresolved; that is, as long as I am not fine with this situation, then I will continue to remain worried. My therapist has advised me to try and interrupt the worry by deep breathing and doing my hobbies. But this isn't working either. Please read my previous post I have just made because I do not understand how it is possible for me to not be worried and troubled when I am not fine and not comfortable with this situation.
  3. I am coming back to this topic once more because I have a very important question. That is, if you are not fine and not at peace at all with a certain situation and it is the most horrible situation, then how are you supposed to not be worried, in pain, and troubled about it? I am not fine with the situation of experiencing those horrific altered mental states and depressive feelings that I had in my nightmares during a near death experience. If I were to experience that fully conscious during an nde, that would be an experience far beyond horrible. So that is why I can never be fine with the possibility of that happening. Therefore, since I am not fine with such a horrible possibility, then how am I supposed to not be troubled, in pain, and not worried about that situation? The way I see it, the only way to not be troubled, in pain, and worried about any given situation would be for you to be in the mindset of being just fine and coping with that situation. After all, that is how our brains adapt to situations. When a harsh or horrible situation comes into our lives, then our brain will adapt to that situation in which we will be fine and comfortable with such situations. Once we are fine, that also gets rid of the pain, the worry, and the tribulation. But as long as it is a situation where you are not adapting to it (not fine and comfortable with it), then I don't see how there can be any hope for me. I just don't see how this obsessive worry and tribulation can disappear or even ease up as long as I remain not at peace and not fine with this situation.
  4. Yes, I've already been told this. But where I am getting at is that I am in a dangerous situation here since I cannot have a bowel movement due to this obsessive worry. If I don't have a bowel movement within a certain time and it all builds up in my system, I will die.
  5. This obsessive thought has disabled my functioning in life. It has turned off the functions of my brain that allow me to be fully functional in life. It has also turned off a certain faculty. It has turned off my ability to push in order to get a bowel movement out. I try to push to get it out, but I am barely able to push at all. My mind would have to be fully comfortable, relaxed, and not worried about anything at all in order to get the bowel movement out. I am not constipated at all. The bowel is soft. But I am unable to push to get it out. There is no physical issue going on here. This is all a mental issue here that is preventing me from having a bowel movement. Even the urge to have a bowel movement is turned off. I think this is a dangerous situation because there is not a single moment that my mind can be relaxed and not worried in order for me to pass the bowel movement. There is a certain area of my brain that needs to be active. It needs to be turned on in order to give me my ability to push. I can try to push all I want, but it is not going to work since that area of the brain is turned off. I can only push to a very small degree and I cannot push any further than that. If I wasn't worried at all, then that area of my brain would turn back on and I would be able to fully push in order to get the bowel movement out. But there is not a single moment where I am not worried about this thought at all. It is a constant 24/7 worry and there is no way for me to let that thought go in any given moment. If I had the choice to either experience the worst possible physical pain such as having my torso ripped apart or to instead experience those horrible altered mental states from my depressive nightmares fully conscious during a near death experience, I think I just might choose to have my torso ripped. Especially if the near death experience is a more intense experience than my worst nightmares. Those horrible altered mental states are not the experience of me screaming in pain and agony. It is a completely different experience than that. It is an experience far worse than that. I would not describe this experience as pain. There is no way to describe this experience. It is the most horrible experience. So to try and help me not be worried about this thought would be no different than trying to make me not worried about the possibility that I could have my torso ripped apart (if there was the likely possibility that could happen to me). There is no way I can be at peace with such a notion and nor is there any way I can not worry about such a thing.
  6. I have a friend who suffers from horrible flashbacks and I have a question regarding flashbacks. We know the types of experiences flashbacks can bring back such as certain smells, sounds, and emotions. But are there certain types of experiences that cannot be brought back during a flashback such as feeling hungry, tired, thirsty, etc.? The most important question I have here is, would that also include the completely altered and strange horrible mental states we experience in our dreams and nightmares? These types of altered mental states during dreams and nightmares cannot be described. They are entirely new experiences unlike any other. They are not experiences like touch, smell, feelings, etc. They are completely altered mental states. So can those altered mental states be brought back and experienced during your waking life during a flashback or not?
  7. My mind is also desperately trying to hold onto this worry. It does not ever want to let it go since it is something so horrible. I do not feel comfortable at all letting this go. Even though I want this worry to be gone since that would give me my life back and would allow me to function and do my hobbies, at the same time, my mind does not want to let it go.
  8. As for the near death experiences, the number of them could be much higher and that would even go for the hellish ones. This would be because many people do not feel comfortable talking about them. So who knows the actual percentage of ndes. Even if it was a very low percentage, that would still make me worried. I just simply cannot let this go which is why I will try talking with my therapist to see what we can do about this.
  9. But then again, there are a small percentage of people in the United States who suffer from depression and I so happen to be one of those people. Here is what it says: "Affects more than 15 million American adults, or about 6.7 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year. Persistent depressive disorder, or PDD, (formerly called dysthymia) is a form of depression that usually continues for at least two years." So that is like saying I am 93.3% likely to not have depression. But I have it.
  10. I even talked with my therapist before and he even said he had an nde. This shows how common they are: http://www.theepochtimes.com/n3/757401-how-common-are-near-death-experiences-ndes-by-the-numbers/
  11. I think the probability of me having a near death experience is higher than what you are making it out to be.
  12. The only way my life can be better again is if I were to accept the possibility that I could have that experience I mentioned before. But there is no way I can possibly accept that since that experience was so indescribably horrible. As long as I don't accept that, then my life won't get better. But there is no way for me to be fine with and accept this. If it were an experience that wasn't all that bad, then I would be not worried, would have my life back, and would find myself accepting such an experience if it were to happen.
  13. I am starting to try meds now and will go into therapy soon. I will present what I have written to my therapist and see what he has to say. As for suicide, if I am put out as quick as possible, that will prevent any near death experience from happening. If my brain shuts down as soon as possible, that will prevent any near death experience from happening. But I hope you are right and I do really hope there is something that will bring my life back.
  14. I am not functioning in doing any of my hobbies or anything due to this worry. It has also lead me in becoming suicidal since it is something impossible for me to let go and as long as I cannot be at peace with it and let it go, then my life will continue to remain this way. As long as my life is like this, then that means there is no hope and that will lead me to commit suicide.
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