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About MindAway

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  1. I finally quit my retail dead-end job and landed a real office job. However, for the past months I have noticed a burning and VERY itchy skin irritation occurring after I shower, sweat, and especially when I am stressed out. However, my skin does not itch like its burning when I am at work because I find my new work environment to be very peaceful and civilized. The massive burning-itchiness occurs only when I am at home because of bad experiences in the past that still occur in the present. I do not believe it is caused by any soap, showerhead nozzle, water related issues, etc. I have tested those out already. My primary care doctor said I may have delusional itching. However, my psychiatrist said my itchiness might be caused by liver failure. I am on a lot of psychiatric medications for the past ten years. Currently, I take OTC Allegra 180 mg in the morning to help with the burning-skin itching. It doesn't really work well. One of my questions are: Can burning-itching sensations that "jump" from one part of my body to the other after I scratch be part of my psychotic symptom? Meaning, does psychosis make itching last longer? And what can I do to become sane from all of this burning-itching that bothers my life at home?
  2. oh that's just wonderful news... now I am even more paranoid! so i'm going to jail eventually? what if I stop my returning behavior from here on?
  3. For the past three years I would buy (A LOT) of things and return them before the return window date expired. I don't why this habit of mine won't stop, but it feels so great, at the time. But I can't control the habit and the paranoia is steadily increasing with it. I am paranoid that there is a private investigation without me being notified, that is documenting my habits and tracking my every movements. Including online searches of my favorite people. Somebody please help me!
  4. I work hard at my job because of two things: I NEED the income (even though its minimum wage) to support myself (pay crucial bills) and because I'm extremely paranoid I will be fired (due to layoffs or no seniority). I know what it’s like to be unemployed after I graduated from college and for three years of begging parents and relatives for money, and hiding the shame from employed people that I had no job at the time. Today I received a "Recognition Award" at my work in front of a hundred workers. I received some nasty comments from a few co-workers afterwards. One tall guy whom dressed like a street thug approached me with his buddy, frown at me and gave me a stare down. He said, "We now expect you to live up to that expectation… And we’re going to sabotage you!” Later, another co-worker said, “Well, Mr. Ambitious… better get your act together!” Another co-worker said, “Look he has some mistakes in his area; how could he have gotten the award?”. What pisses me off is that these people take their jobs for granted! They act as if they have never been unemployed in their life. When I go to work tomorrow or in the future, what is the best come-back phrase that will shut them up permanently?
  5. Well today at the courtroom I was eating lunch at a table in the cafeteria by myself, and this girl approaches me and asks me if she could sit opposite of the table (since all the tables were occupied. After a few minutes, she initiated conversation. She asked me questions like "If I work there? Are you [enter ethnicity]?" I asked her some questions too, and one of my questions was whether she was working there too or just serving on duty, she replied neither. She showed me a poster of Mario Woods and told me she was there to provide support to him. We then talked about interests, colleges, jobs, favorite 90's tv shows, etc. She said thank you for allowing me to have her sit down on my table. I then asked for her phone number (because I felt a connection- but a complete error on my part!). She looked at her purse and told me she doesn't have a phone, but she wrote down her email address. I have emailed her this afternoon and still no response. I guess she was telling me to just piss off, I'm not cool and young like her. And she lied about not having a phone. I should have said seat was taken. I'm not really pissed off at myself for making a huge mistake, but when I compare myself to people younger than me who have high paying careers, independent housing from parents, wedding plans in a ridiculous mansion, unnecessary vacation plans every year, etc., I feel really low. Here is an example of one I found: https://www.theknot.com/us/alyssa-guijo-and-eric-halili-may-2016
  6. how about if these bosses physically assaulted me at work and no one witnessed it at work, and the only support i got was that i should just "suck it up"?
  7. my main question is why do these bosses like to pick on me so much? why? do they perceive me to be as weak and bosses like weak people to vent their frustrations on? if they look at me in the eye, point their finger at me, yell at me and scream at me, can i do the same to them? after all they need to be reminded their feet are still on the ground like mine.
  8. ive been applying for art jobs too, but will my current position at "macy" even as a stocker, that has no relation to the art industry help with securing the new job?
  9. Since I got a new position last fall in stock at macys, i have been putting over 100% of hardwork in my effort and energy because i am paranoid i will lose this job someday. But the past month, my energy has been draining and I want to quit that fu#$#@# terrible work environment, but I am desperate for money, if any. I have been falling asleep at work in the mornings but I would take coffee to stay awake. I face discrimination there too. For example, I am a good worker. My main boss would say to other bosses, "oh she never says no and always does what is supposed to be done." They would then give me extra assignments (I still have the same pay rate as others no matter what). One time, my main boss was told that the whole department had to clean out the whole stockroom. Everybody else ignored that and left for the day. I happened to walk in right at the moment when my main boss and her boss was there, and they both looked at me in the eye, pointed their finger at me and yelled, asking if I am able to do the work. They said they had a walk through visit the next morning and wanted to impress the higher ups. With me being a dumb person at the time, I said yes, ma'am. I spent 1.5 hours in overtime sweeping, carrying boxes, etc and inhaling dust with no dust mask provided by the way. Also, I strongly believe they are using my personality and work ethic to their OWN advantages. Since I never say no to them, and they believe I love their company so much, and I show so much effort and energy, they keep giving me TOO much work. On top of that, the same workers on my level have little work, same pay, and most importantly: they are not constantly yelled at by the main boss. For example, this week I told my boss I couldn't work overtime. She turned around and frown and said ok. The next day, instead of greeting me with hello, (name), she said mornin' young lady. Also, when she was talking to another associate stock worker who needed a scanner, she yelled at me from across the room to get one for her like I'm some kind of servant. Also i would like to point out, we workers are union. The managers are non-union and report to the president of the company. But out union representative does not like me that much as he said I violated union contract by allowing a vendor specialist to walk out with a cart of clothes from the stockroom. He said only stockers are allowed to do that, I was just following orders from the managers at the time. But he argued over me and yelled and looked at me directly. Also, the floor managers are dissappointed with me especially because my area of clothes that i setup, is dooing poorly in sales compared to last year. Is it my fault that people are not buying clothes at macys? My main manager's other boss said that my area lacked "color", but my line of clothing doesn't have any variety of bright color. This made me wonder why the big boss wasn't picking on the other stocker's area and only mine, which i always keep clean, neat, presentable and fully stocked. I want to quit. But what can I do for now? I went to medical school and don't want to spend the rest of my life working for these disorganized, selfish, corrupt, greedy, business people.
  10. How do i know if I am Bi-Polar Depressive? For the past 2 years (besides the depression and paranoia), I keep buying large amounts of stuff and returning them back to the stores because they were impulse decisions. And how do I convince my therapist and pdoc to take this seriously?
  11. my current hours were reduced since macys is now closing 40 stores and laying off 4800 workers. and my new job duties at macys doesn't require anymore interaction with customers. But even the past month, my mood has gone downhill. i have no interest in pursuing my real career anymore nor do i have any interest in putting any serious effort in my parttime macys job. i just show up at work and pretend to make them happy. i also have no more interest in people, hobbies, shopping, (except eating a lot because of medications side effects), and life. what should i do?
  12. I am currently 25 pounds overweight. Every night, I have cravings. I overeat and eat. Ten years ago, after high school, I used to be very skinny. Now after being on many meds, I am overweight (according to my doctor). Two months ago, I typed on google "How to lose weight fast" and they suggested for me to eat only protein and lots of it. No carbs, sugar or starch, as they said those are the culprits that cause the body to retain body fat. I followed those suggestions for a month, and lost 20 pounds. But I was irritable and extremely CRAVING to eat anything else. Now, I am unable to go back to my protein only diet. I want to go to a gym, but they charge dues, enrollment fees, monthly fees (very high), "last month's fees", etc., and plus I am worried someone will steal my clothes and towel while I am in the shower (I know it sounds weird, but that is one of my deepest fears). How do I accept my body shape, size and weight and be happy with how I look? I am getting sick and tired of seeing skinny people on the media being so glamorized and idolized.
  13. Update: I asked to be transferred to a non-anxiety provoking position and I succeeded. I no longer work as a sales associate. I now work as a stock associate there. I don't have to interact with customers, worry about what to say when the customer demands a huge discount, worry about what to say to the customer if the item is out of stock, panic over counting incorrect coins or bills, or worrying about not opening up enough of the rewards cards per customer. I am free! And the good thing with this transfer is that I got a $1.50 pay increase per hour.
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