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Starry Night1969

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  • Gender
  • Location
    Monterey, CA
  • Interests
    Reading short stories, K.Vonngut. and some physical stuff like tennis, golf and riding the bicycle.

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  1. Up early? No I never got to sleep, physical pain. Now I'm panic attacking over making it to work Monday and going to school Tuesday. Crashed my bike. The voices were telling me not to ride that my balance wasn't good enough. That's what I get for not listening to them. Sometimes they want to protect me not just attack me.

  2. I don't notice till I'm curled up in the fetal position on the couch and I've missed 2 days of school and 2 days of work. I can't recognize symptoms bein present for 2 days. I put on ear buds and play one song over and over again for 12 hrs and pull the blanket over my head and refrain from moving or breathing irregularly. Then I usually write my mom's phone number on my arm and test my yard. At first I stand in the hallway for 2 minutes. Sweating profusely, hyperventalating, bending over to keep from fainting. And those 2 minutes seem like an hr. All along I'm convinced that the neighbors who are spying on me will take me away. Then after 20 min and regaining my composure I walk a lap around the house and get 5 days of mail. I keep pushing my boundaries till I'm able to walk a half mile and then I call my parents. Sometimes they come over and take me away for an hr. Currently listening to nsync Christmas music, since noon.
  3. My pdoc was helpful for about 2 yrs. That'sy average relationship whether with a pdoc, therapist, counselor or group therapy. Then I become manicaly optimistic about looking up new techniques or seeing a female vs a male therapist. I have a 2nd opinion assessment in 2 weeks but my psych wants me to transfer to county health which sick and is real far away
  4. Had to leave work due to knee injury, Sux because I miss 1 out of 6 days due to mental health. I feel like their going to fire me anyday. Hopefully they'll give me a warning 1st, I really like working even though I just work 2 days a week.

  5. I tell my pdoc and he just seems to change my prozac by 10mg, up or down or take me on or off welbutrin. Depending on my anxiety levels.
  6. Woke up, mania... yeah I can do stuff, not worried about voices. Spent last 3 days in bed, struggling to do one thing a day. Now I wanna do 20 things. Just waiting for sunrise. I'm always like a 6 out of 10. Mood stabilized extremely. I sleep well, usually 5 nights a week without needing ambien. But my schizophrenia keeps me in bed 3-4 days a week, just staying alive. Then I have 1 day of extreme productivity. Was on invega now maxd out on latuda. Always been prozac, frequent changes from 40-60 mg. Ambien like twice a week. Extreme anxiety, Valium 10 mg no help. this has been going on for 4 yrs. Any recommendations?
  7. When I heard the first few drops of rain striking the roof. Tingling.
  8. Yep. I ply music on the TV in the background so that I have something to listen to for the 2 seconds when the song stops and resets. I like beautiful by Christina Aguilera.
  9. I hear very distinctive voices and even though I've never met the neighbors with a common wall, I know exactly what they look like and can see them watching me on 5 monitors. And what really annoys me is they always refer to me as "that guy". I'm listening to music to drown them out. I find ear buds to be sedative.
  10. Just figured out how to see if someone replied. Thanks for all the welcomes a month ago.
  11. I'm grateful for my parents. Today is an inside day and my dad came by just to watch "the price is right. " and he took the 10 page journal entry to read. Good to know someone cares. Also grateful for the virtual support on crazyboards.
  12. I hate anger and irratability. I use grounding techiques and listen to 70s music to relax. Currently listening to all green.
  13. Finished the rough draft of my ssdi, continuing disability review. Hand wrote 10 pages of notes explaining my answers. I just need to edit it and mail it tomorrow by 3pm. Already 2nd guessing everything I wrote and trying to think of the important issues that I missed or didn't fully explain. Wish I had a social worker.

  14. Just overwhelmed. My mood doesn't change. It's been a steady 5.5 for as long as I can recall. I do get irratated over small crimes. Like people talking on the cell phone while driving or the bums tossing McDonald's trash into the bushes. I guess I get irratated alot. Thinking about my coworkers and fellow college students in class. Part of my Schizo gives me black and white thinking and delusions of grandier.
  15. My voices are dependent on my location. At home I can actually see the hippie dude and hippie gal watching me on their 5 computer monitors. I always seem to notice them when a supervisor shows up and the 2 argue if I'm ok. While the supervisor says, he seems normal... let's watch him awhile longer. At work I hear my main 3 bosses commenting on how badly or slowly I'm performing. Then one says we should fire that guy, another says he just needs to be retrained and the 3rd says let's watch him awhile longer.
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