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About Earthcalling

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    Oh God ... yes ... I live by the sea!!!
  • Interests
    At the moment:
    Trying to learn Japanese, starting a beginners Philosophy course on the 21st and starting to train as a Shiatsu practitioner in September.
    Walking on the beach listening to tunes, meditating on the beach and trying to figure out the stars.
    Watching movies, reading and cooking - especially soups!

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  1. Raiding the fridge for chocolate

  2. I have finally got myself a new doctor who is open to discussion for me trying new medication. She also doesn't treat me like an idiot - which is a change. Anyway I requested to go on Risperidone - I think its called Geddon in the USA - and at the moment I'm on a very low dose of 2mg. Compared to Zyprexa it's excellent! I don't wake up with the feeling of wanting to eat the kitchen sink and house. Though I do have the 'hangover' of leatheragy but this passes with a large coffee which I did on Z. Also on Z I had this heaviness which included the increase in weight but Risperidone doesn't hav
  3. I totally know where you are coming from! I too go through exactly the same thing. I don't know what I'm actually afraid of but I can have a full on anxiety attack with the thought of having to deal with the outside world - whether it's going outside or having to deal with phone calls or letters etc. The post through the door can be my biggest trigger. I find if I do housework or cook something - I make alot of soup - this gets me in the mood to cope with outdoors. I know that going for a walk does make me feel better - and whenever I leave the house I always have tunes to listen to. Ho
  4. I really didn't like it. I tried it for a year - 'cause the therapist and my father who knows nothing about it but just wanting me in therapy kept saying it would work and I'd be much better ('fixed' in other words) I found it rather condescending and invalidating. I tried to explain to my T that when I wake up I'm usually extremely anxious and the voices are at their worst. If I've had distressing dreams this also makes it worse. His reply was well they're not real it's just dreams and I should just tell myself that and they'll go away. I don't know about anyone else but I don't hav
  5. I agree with netsavy006 apart from I gained a horrendous amount of weight and even when I adjusted my diet by eating small regular meals such as 5 - 6 times a day I still didn't lose any weight. My cravings were carbs and chocolate. I did drink a few times on it and it just made me fall asleep. Also I would take it in the evenings as after 2 hours I couldn't keep my eyes open. I found it did make me a bit groggy in the mornings but a cup of strong coffee helped that - oh yes I did increase my coffee intake on it ..... mmmmm. It helped the head big time but I found overall it lower my energy to
  6. Thank you posting on my blog!

  7. Oh yes! Guilty Guilty Guilty! Good feed back regarding it's the depression talking as I forget that. Hawk
  8. Yes. Yes. Yes. On so many levels. Inability to form healthy relationships. Have sex wayyyyyyyyyy too early and do things I don't really want to. If there is a person in the crowd with 'issues', an addict or MI - dx or not - I will find them or them me. Lack of self-image and self-esteem have had abusive relationships however have learnt now their behaviour so stay far far away from them. Get hypo and fall in love. See people through rose-colored glasses. My strongest relationships have always been with women though. Abuse has been from men - except one woman - she kep
  9. I just couldn't cope with my father nagging me to do things and ended up cutting myself. The pressure from him was too much and started getting flickers of movement out the corner of my eye which is a sign of hallucinations. I was so upset and panicking that I SIed in hope it would keep me in the here and now and not have hallucinations - unfortunately it worked as the pain took over and stopped them. It happened on Monday after a hellish night with very little sleep. I have'nt done it for a while but on Tuesday felt so crap because I'd slipped. It hurt. It worked. I suck. Blah.
  10. Very interesting question. I have voices and hallucinations which are from Spirit and my Totem animals. In the psychic world it's accepted. In medical worlds I'm under delusions. However I've known things and seen things about people before I could. My question is if you lived in the middle of nowhere with a tribe you would be treated as a medicine person - Western medicine doesn't cope with psychics. Where's the line for psychic and mental unwell. Hawk
  11. I feel for you big time. I've only had the 'phasing out' as I call it a few times but it was scary as hell when I 'came to'. For me, I'm still learning my triggers and what my therapist helped me with were 'Being Present' techniques have mainly worked when things are just starting - i.e when I get flickers on the edge of my vision or the voices are louder than normal or I'm feeling uneasy for no apparent reason. However when I'm in one, rational thinking is out the window and 'Being present' is not a concept I can grasp as I don't know what's real and what's imaginary. I do know th
  12. I hear voices and noises all the time and when very stressed dissociate, hallucinate and have delusional thoughts. So far I've come to realise mainly through CBT that most of the voices are aspects of myself talking to me. They can be negative - when I'm feeling down or anxious or about to crash - or can be positive to the point of grandiose - which is when I'm manic. I've learnt that the way I talk to myself is how my parents have talked to me - learnt talking patterns from childhood - especially the way they use to criticise or tell me off - I use the same language. The other voices
  13. I so totally get what you were saying regarding the mysteries of technology. One day everything is fine and the next someone just has to look at it and it doesn't work. It sends me into a major meltdown and hence I don't let people touch my stuff. Good luck on the new med and let us know how you get on Hawk
  14. Howdy! Yes still around will update my blog Things have been up and down but that's more to do with staying with dad! Anyway thank you for your thoughts xxx

  15. hey, how you been. Been a long time. lots of love Ash xox

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