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About amianthus

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    under the cypresses

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  1. I feel like I'm drifting between phases of a dream, stuck in a slideshow of reinterpretations of an indefinite world

  2. Hey foxy_jesus, I'm sorry to hear this happened. Interviews are so stressful even for those without MI. I've made similar mistakes with missing things in the past and can relate to how you feel. I hope you can stay safe and not hurt yourself; as jt07 said, you don't deserve hurting yourself. Please try to be gentle to yourself if you can. I hope that you can reschedule the appointment again, although it is understandable also if you let this one go. Was this company one you were really passionate about working with, or just a possible option you were prepared to try? Whichever way, more opport
  3. I can relate to this, particularly when I used to be really anxious about seeing anyone I recognised when out. On occasion I've spent hours avoiding someone out of that anxiety only to realise at the end of the day that's it's not even them, but a complete stranger.
  4. Back after two messed up nights in the hospital. I still haven't totally made sense of what happened. I will never take mirtazapine again

  5. I am very sorry to hear about your loss, Montague. What with that and the illness of your other grandfather, it sounds like you've been under a lot of stress. It is so discouraging when, just as you begin to be able to look forward to something again, such life events happen which are so hard to deal with. My family & I went through a similar hard time two years ago over Christmas and New Year's with the illness and death of my grandma and step-grandma. It's very understandable that you are struggling with school and staying positive after that. It's most likely going to be hard for a whil
  6. I'm very sorry for your losses, Alien. This thread reminds me of that phrase; "It never rains but it pours." I had a similar year in 2015 where my step-grandma died at the very beginning of the year, my grandma a month later, and my great-grandma later in the year. It's hard enough dealing with one loss or family illness, let alone several. Here's to hoping for a better 2017.
  7. As incredibly stupid and harmful as the whole anti-vax movement is, I do just want to say that I really don't think Blurred had any malicious intent in posting this -- we all make stupid mistakes and I imagine she's feeling pretty horrible right now. But Blurred, please, I really urge you to look into some of the evidence that has been posted here. If you're so sure in your views, what have you got to lose? At the very least, read the paragraph of the DTaP leaflet where, after listing autism among other 'effects', it states: "Because these events are reported voluntarily from a population of u
  8. Remnants, I'm really sorry this happened to you. It truly sucks when we have the intent to do something good and help someone but end up not being able to do it. That is one of the things that has cut me up the most about MI too; that it so often makes it so much harder to help others. As you said, it is logically okay, and something you could not help (i.e. not your fault at all, and you had the best of intentions) but I totally understand being upset and I would be too, in your situation. I hope you don't completely give up hope of ever being able to do it though -- perhaps in the futu
  9. That is super confusing & frustrating from your mom. It does sound, like you said, like she doesn't really understand how these things affect you. Do you think she would be possibly receptive if you asked to talk to her about it, or wrote her a note explaining why it would be difficult and not healthy for you to be at that weight, and that such expectations place extra stress on you, and are generally unhelpful? Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you felt and were a lot healthier at your higher weight. It sounds so stressful to have had so many people focused on and worr
  10. Firstly, of course it's okay to talk -- that's what this place is here for. I'm glad that you reached out about it. From reading your story I think it's more than understandable that you are scared about this. Particularly as it created issues which made you fear for your life. The effects of being severely underweight sometimes get minimised, but they really can be disabling & sometimes even fatal in the worst cases. It must have put a lot of stress on you experiencing those issues, feeling guilty over eating even small amounts (if I understood correctly?), and having to go through
  11. Thank you melissaw, that's a really good idea about the records and I hadn't thought of that. I will take in the copies of referral letters and such that I already have, and try & find out about the full records. I think it is possible, I'm just unsure about the specifics of how to do this, but I will look into it.
  12. Hi all, I hope you are all doing okay today. Sending gentle thoughts out to anyone who isn't. I haven't posted in this thread before but I hope it's okay for me to drop in and vent, and maybe ask for a little advice if anyone has any. Lately I have been struggling more with depression again, but ... not constantly. Things will be really bad for a few weeks and then improve for a while. But the worsening always comes back around, no matter what happens, no matter what I think and do. For some time my GP has managed my meds & it's been quite a while since I last saw a pdoc, but as my sy
  13. My mum & step-father would sometimes walk around the house naked up until I was around 12. At which point I talked to them about it and they thankfully stopped, but in your situation it doesn't sound like your mom listened to you at all. I found it so uncomfortable just that they would walk around without clothes on, like I had to stay in my room in case I saw them if I stepped out. But they never made me touch their bare skin like yours did. If they had, I would have found that very disgusting & distressing too. I'm sorry that your mom did this to you and ignored how uncomfortabl
  14. Are the readings by any chance philosophical/religious/psychology texts? -- I won't mind at all if you'd prefer not to answer, I just wonder if it's any of those because they are so rich in intense ideas. I understand the sense of being harmed by negative ideas. I will think obsessively about them too and have avoided certain texts in the past because of that. It's scary to feel that they may have damaged you irreversibly. I think that certain ideas do change you forever but that doesn't mean that you can't find peace with them at time, with the right support. I'm also glad tha
  15. Why does everything in my life seem untrue the moment I start to think about it?

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