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amianthus

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Status Updates posted by amianthus

  1. I feel like I'm drifting between phases of a dream, stuck in a slideshow of reinterpretations of an indefinite world

  2. Back after two messed up nights in the hospital. I still haven't totally made sense of what happened. I will never take mirtazapine again

  3. Why does everything in my life seem untrue the moment I start to think about it?

  4. job search nightmare

  5. Going abroad is a nightmare. If there was any way I could avoid doing so tomorrow without being a terrible person due to not seeing family, I would. :(

  6. How weird ... I had the phrase "grassy knoll" stuck in my head all day and I had no idea where it came from, until I mentioned it to my mum who told me instantly what it was. But as far as I remember, I never consciously heard of or read of or had any awareness of the theory.

    1. Chantho

      Chantho

      I've had the word "ironically" in my head for a couple weeks now. Weird that you don't remember hearing the phrase, though.

  7. doctor's appointment got cancelled after waiting months. I don't even know when i'm next going to be able to see her. probably not for months longer. all the stress & preparation and no resolution whatsoever. I cannot do this. wanting irrationally to give up entirely and stop everything and never go again

    1. jt07

      jt07

      I'm sorry about that. I think this is a consequence of limited mental health practitioners and a very large demand for mental health services. I hope you will get your appointment rescheduled soon and not have to wait months.

    2. amianthus

      amianthus

      thank you, jt07. I think you are right. Thankfully since I posted this it has been rescheduled for two weeks from now, not months.

    3. jt07

      jt07

      Hey, that's great!

  8. everything changing far too fast to work out what is happening, what is now. and under the ground that the change sweeps away is a sea of the worst kinds of thoughts

  9. ...really, though, how bizarre can side effects get?

    1. crtclms

      crtclms

      Oh so bizarre.

  10. Need to tell everyone about everything and yet, can't communicate with anyone. There is no such thing as a productive outlet, or if there really is one I can't find it. Where is it?

  11. Stood on a coffee table to dust the top of my wardrobe; the coffee table is flimsy and fell apart; I grabbed hold of the wardrobe; I fell and almost dragged the wardrobe down on top of me but managed to regain my balance and catch and push the wardrobe away at the last moment...whoops

    1. goddessone

      goddessone

      Glad you are ok! I once stood on the coffee table to reach the fan light, it was flimsy too and I fell onto the edge of the couch. If I'd been 5 inches higher I would have broken my neck on the edge of the couch. So let's both not stand on any more coffee tables.

    2. amianthus

      amianthus

      Thank you, and agreed! I'm glad that you were ok also.

  12. is wondering how it's possible to simply forget entirely the idea of sleep, as though it never existed at all and can't be recognised as necessary or real

    1. amianthus

      amianthus

      and every step towards sleeping somehow leads to further waking up, like a circular corridor that only leads to a single room

    2. amianthus

      amianthus

      containing infusions of consciousness

    3. saveyoursanity

      saveyoursanity

      i know the feeling, i think.

  13. 1am floating, flowing, melting into my surroundings

  14. Desperately searching for ways to pretend not to be a terrible person - whatever, anything

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