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amianthus

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Everything posted by amianthus

  1. I feel like I'm drifting between phases of a dream, stuck in a slideshow of reinterpretations of an indefinite world

  2. Hey foxy_jesus, I'm sorry to hear this happened. Interviews are so stressful even for those without MI. I've made similar mistakes with missing things in the past and can relate to how you feel. I hope you can stay safe and not hurt yourself; as jt07 said, you don't deserve hurting yourself. Please try to be gentle to yourself if you can. I hope that you can reschedule the appointment again, although it is understandable also if you let this one go. Was this company one you were really passionate about working with, or just a possible option you were prepared to try? Whichever way, more opport
  3. I can relate to this, particularly when I used to be really anxious about seeing anyone I recognised when out. On occasion I've spent hours avoiding someone out of that anxiety only to realise at the end of the day that's it's not even them, but a complete stranger.
  4. Back after two messed up nights in the hospital. I still haven't totally made sense of what happened. I will never take mirtazapine again

  5. I am very sorry to hear about your loss, Montague. What with that and the illness of your other grandfather, it sounds like you've been under a lot of stress. It is so discouraging when, just as you begin to be able to look forward to something again, such life events happen which are so hard to deal with. My family & I went through a similar hard time two years ago over Christmas and New Year's with the illness and death of my grandma and step-grandma. It's very understandable that you are struggling with school and staying positive after that. It's most likely going to be hard for a whil
  6. I'm very sorry for your losses, Alien. This thread reminds me of that phrase; "It never rains but it pours." I had a similar year in 2015 where my step-grandma died at the very beginning of the year, my grandma a month later, and my great-grandma later in the year. It's hard enough dealing with one loss or family illness, let alone several. Here's to hoping for a better 2017.
  7. As incredibly stupid and harmful as the whole anti-vax movement is, I do just want to say that I really don't think Blurred had any malicious intent in posting this -- we all make stupid mistakes and I imagine she's feeling pretty horrible right now. But Blurred, please, I really urge you to look into some of the evidence that has been posted here. If you're so sure in your views, what have you got to lose? At the very least, read the paragraph of the DTaP leaflet where, after listing autism among other 'effects', it states: "Because these events are reported voluntarily from a population of u
  8. Remnants, I'm really sorry this happened to you. It truly sucks when we have the intent to do something good and help someone but end up not being able to do it. That is one of the things that has cut me up the most about MI too; that it so often makes it so much harder to help others. As you said, it is logically okay, and something you could not help (i.e. not your fault at all, and you had the best of intentions) but I totally understand being upset and I would be too, in your situation. I hope you don't completely give up hope of ever being able to do it though -- perhaps in the futu
  9. That is super confusing & frustrating from your mom. It does sound, like you said, like she doesn't really understand how these things affect you. Do you think she would be possibly receptive if you asked to talk to her about it, or wrote her a note explaining why it would be difficult and not healthy for you to be at that weight, and that such expectations place extra stress on you, and are generally unhelpful? Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you felt and were a lot healthier at your higher weight. It sounds so stressful to have had so many people focused on and worr
  10. Firstly, of course it's okay to talk -- that's what this place is here for. I'm glad that you reached out about it. From reading your story I think it's more than understandable that you are scared about this. Particularly as it created issues which made you fear for your life. The effects of being severely underweight sometimes get minimised, but they really can be disabling & sometimes even fatal in the worst cases. It must have put a lot of stress on you experiencing those issues, feeling guilty over eating even small amounts (if I understood correctly?), and having to go through
  11. Thank you melissaw, that's a really good idea about the records and I hadn't thought of that. I will take in the copies of referral letters and such that I already have, and try & find out about the full records. I think it is possible, I'm just unsure about the specifics of how to do this, but I will look into it.
  12. Hi all, I hope you are all doing okay today. Sending gentle thoughts out to anyone who isn't. I haven't posted in this thread before but I hope it's okay for me to drop in and vent, and maybe ask for a little advice if anyone has any. Lately I have been struggling more with depression again, but ... not constantly. Things will be really bad for a few weeks and then improve for a while. But the worsening always comes back around, no matter what happens, no matter what I think and do. For some time my GP has managed my meds & it's been quite a while since I last saw a pdoc, but as my sy
  13. My mum & step-father would sometimes walk around the house naked up until I was around 12. At which point I talked to them about it and they thankfully stopped, but in your situation it doesn't sound like your mom listened to you at all. I found it so uncomfortable just that they would walk around without clothes on, like I had to stay in my room in case I saw them if I stepped out. But they never made me touch their bare skin like yours did. If they had, I would have found that very disgusting & distressing too. I'm sorry that your mom did this to you and ignored how uncomfortabl
  14. Are the readings by any chance philosophical/religious/psychology texts? -- I won't mind at all if you'd prefer not to answer, I just wonder if it's any of those because they are so rich in intense ideas. I understand the sense of being harmed by negative ideas. I will think obsessively about them too and have avoided certain texts in the past because of that. It's scary to feel that they may have damaged you irreversibly. I think that certain ideas do change you forever but that doesn't mean that you can't find peace with them at time, with the right support. I'm also glad tha
  15. Why does everything in my life seem untrue the moment I start to think about it?

  16. Does anyone else experience this -- what has helped you with it, if anything? When I am depressed and anxious, it is all almost invariably worse in the days leading up to my period. But even now that my depression is managed by medication, it gets out of control just before the bleeding starts, to the extent of overwhelming suicidal thoughts and feelings for those few days every month. Everything is taken over by guilt, shame and misery. I've had such problems with my periods since they started at age 13 -- I am 19 now. I also experience the purely physical symptoms, i.e. cramps, headache
  17. job search nightmare

  18. Thank you all for your replies; you all make really good points. The overwhelming evidence seems to be for it being a good idea to do so ... and it's that against feelings of guilt/shame/denial. But those are there anyway, and perhaps more possible to work on when they are not completely consuming.
  19. When/if your mental illness symptoms are managed by meds, do you still take part in therapy, or only if your meds are not currently enough? I'm curious as to people's responses to this, as I've had chances where I've been doing better to take part in therapy (ironically it usually seems impossible to access when I'm really not doing well) and while I could probably benefit from working things through and trying to learn certain skills, I invariably feel incredibly guilty going to therapy when I am not a complete mess (having said that, I feel guilty when a complete mess too, just for diff
  20. Your life doesn't have to remain like this. Are you receiving any help in the form of meds or therapy? Committing suicide would only increase the chances of having a near death experience. As others have said above, please go to the ER or A&E if you feel that you are a risk to yourself Yes, it's not okay that you're not functioning due to this worry. Something needs to change, maybe more than one thing, and maybe what ultimately helps will be something you wouldn't have imagined up until then. There is hope out there to be found, and talking to a professional who may be able to h
  21. I can relate to this statement terribly, and I'm really sorry that you're going through all of this and that it's taken over your life to such an extent. When you are really afraid of something happening, and it feels like such a real and immediate threat, to be told to "let it go" feels horrifically absurd, like standing alone in a corner of a room, trapped by an approaching fire, or even in the middle of it already, while someone is telling you "hey, you don't need to do anything about this fire -- nobody does." I get the frustration of it -- of thinking, but this is real, this is ter
  22. Going abroad is a nightmare. If there was any way I could avoid doing so tomorrow without being a terrible person due to not seeing family, I would. :(

  23. Definitely not okay without discussing it with your doctor. 300mg is a very high dose for sertraline and could have all kinds of adverse effects. Plus, without a higher-dose prescription from your doctor, will you not run out if you continue taking the higher dose? Then you would have to go through withdrawal. A safer approach would be to continue with the 200mg until seeing your doctor, and then speak to him about how it's not working anymore, and ask whether he would prescribe a higher dosage, or try a different medication. Most doctors are unlikely to be impressed with patients raising
  24. y1gFwo, I've never heard of tests for supplements like fish oil, but it might be a good idea to go to your GP and get blood tests to check for any vitamin/mineral/electrolyte deficiencies. Some of the most common deficiencies are vitamin D, B vitamins (e.g. B12), calcium and iron (leading to anaemia) and all of those and more can worsen depression and anxiety. Other fairly routine tests are fasting blood sugar and thyroid tests, so over here at least, it's generally recommended to have these tests to rule them out as causes.
  25. Hi Bluesfighter. Could you contact your doctor to explain all of this and ask about the possibility of switching meds? If it's been eight weeks and your symptoms are worse rather than better, it might be that it's not the right medication to help you, especially if the higher dose had unbearable side effects. Have you been on any psych meds other than Prozac before? That was the first one I tried too and I couldn't tolerate it either (I am very med sensitive too) -- eventually, though, I did find medication that helped without causing severe side effects. I hope that you can find some rel
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