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    Sydney, Australia.

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  1. I feel safer and more comfortable in winter when I can wear oversized jumpers to hide in. The more clothes I can wear, the better too. Like I can wear big socks, beanies, boots. I hate being so exposed in summer.
  2. I feel the same so often. I’ve tried everything and nothing has worked in all these decades. I have a husband and two little ones I have to be present for. It’s hard.
  3. 30 sessions. Took ages before I felt anything and then lasted for about 6 months I guess. I’m considering ECT but am terrified. Have 2 small children. All meds make me worse.
  4. Has anyone tried EMDT? I have a new psychologist who wants to do it and I’m willing to try anything. Just wondering what it’s like and if anyone got results? mine is for complex PTSD, so I guess there’s a lot to cover but she said one memory leads on to another. I don’t know.
  5. I don’t know why it would be a meds problem. I’m a pretty shitty partner when I’m unwell too but my partner knows it’s the illness, not me and knows that I try to not be a shit. I do what I can. I’m in to DBT so I use skills I’ve learnt there and also from other therapies. I especially try to stop and think before reacting because my reactive bulllshit is usually really over nothing. I try not to make any big decisions (relationship wise) or be too judgmental when I’m hating on myself and therefore the world. and I own my shit and apologise when I think it’s warranted.
  6. There's been too many. My ex told me repeatedly to kill myself. He also said why bother putting makeup on, you don't put make up on a pig. That one stuck. i was told by many people that I would be a bad Mum. My bubs two and although my MI is part of her life, I'm still an awesome fucking mum with a really healthy child. my Mum told me when I was 12 to never make her choose between me and my abusive stepfather because he would win. I'm 43, that still twists the knife in there. oh sooo many... people are cunts.
  7. I don't know why a person can't look for answers here. No one has to 'condone' anything. But it's a part of life that many people with MI have substance abuse problems. we shouldn't scare people off from asking for advice. Even if it's advice they might not want to hear. It's called harm minimisation.
  8. I've pretty much had this my whole life. It used to consume me and give me panic attacks. For me I learnt a trick to not let them get to me anymore. Instead of trying to push the thought away, I really look at it and realise it's not 'me'. I just say oh it's my demons fucking with my head again (not real demons, I just call it that). So I look at the thought, know it's just an intrusive bullshit thought from my crazy brain and let it pass. By being able to really look at the thought and distance myself from it because I know it's not the real me, I have been able to deal with them for about 10 or more years now. If I hadn't, I'd spend my life rocking in a corner because they're very violent and scary.
  9. When I started IVF my p-Doc at the time weaned me off all of my meds (Seroquel, Lamictal & Clonazapam) saying they were too dangerous to take in pregnancy and left me completely unmedicated. I was lucky enough to get pregnant and the depression I entered into was one of the worst in my life. I trusted him and ended up feeling as if I was catatonic. I ended up in hospital for three weeks where they titrated me back up on my Lamictal and Seroquel. The only med he was right about was the clonazapam. My little girl is 20 months old now and I still feel the effects of having to go through that. It effected my pregnancy, birth, the next year of breastfeeding and no sleep to the point of me becoming agoraphobic and somewhat delusional at times. The doctor was so irresponsible because he really didn't know what he was talking about and in my case the risks of being unmedicated were worse than any potential side effects from my meds. We're on meds for a reason, that doesn't go away when we're pregnant and often becomes worse because of the hormones raging through your body. In Australia we have something called Mothersafe where you can call and find out what drugs are safe and what potential side effects they can have during pregnancy and breastfeeding. I didn't know that at the time and just trusted my doctor, which was a huge mistake. As I said, I went back on meds and have the healthiest little girl you can imagine. She's never been sick. We are trying again, have just had 3 failed attempts at IVF but now I see a psychiatrist that knows what she's talking about. Like others have said, maybe you'll have to change meds but I really advise against just going med free. i wish you all the best. Good luck with getting pregnant, my daughter is the best medicine there is.
  10. Seroquel prn helps me and to a lesser extent clonazapam.
  11. I have bipolar and live in Australia. I take Seroquel and Lamictal without any problems getting them at all. I have to pay full price for the Lamictal but it's not very expensive. I'm pregnant at the moment but prior to that I have been on Clonazapam (called Rivotril here) for years. i live in NSW and the public system here is horrible but if you have private health insurance, there are many wonderful places. I think you'll find that things won't be as bad as you're imagining, definitely not with your health insurance
  12. Hi. I'm currently inpatient because I tapered off all of my meds under my psychiatrists advice. I'm 12 weeks pregnant today. I'm glad I got through the first trimester without taking anything but here I am in hospital. So if I get to do this again I will never do it unmedicated. I think talking it over with more than one medical professional and doing your own research to discuss with them is probably the best option.
  13. Maybe he just needs to distance himself and have some time out. That's not a bad thing. Just be patient and try to talk to him. It doesn't have to be negative. I assume you have some kind of brain cooties or you wouldn't be here. It can be really hard on the people we love. Sometimes I need to remind myself of how it feels for them. Five years is a long time.
  14. I don't know if it's right to post here when you're still drinking, but I really want to stop. I know that I'm self medicating, but my coping skills just frigging suck. I've tried AA but my experience of it here in Australia really sucks. There's no structure, I've never been offered a sponsor or seen it happen. Here it just seems like people telling war stories, there's no tools to help you stop. And really, I'm not an alcoholic. But I do have a problem, I own that. But I do rely on something to self medicate... I don't really care what it is. So it's still an addictive kind of thing right? Addiction to bad self medicating? I'm going to try to have tomorrow as day one. I liked the idea of getting up and being busy. I'm going to drag my arse out of bed at 5:30 when my Boyfriend does and go for a jog. This is a great thread, it's good not to feel alone and have some hope in change.
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