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Manuel

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  1. Stress is a trigger for me as well. But also in general certain content (media) and social interactions involving strong emotions do it for me. I find the worse I am doing, the more intense the delusion...the worst is having no insight. But often I have insight and can keep myself isolated long enough for the symptoms to subside..... but if they dont subside I just tell my doc. recently I told my doc about certain symptoms and she promptly raised my medication dose until we could meet and talk about it. after we met she decided to lower it again. so when you feel symptoms coming on, reaching out to your pdoc is a good move- they can often help in the time between now and the appointment. i hope you're appointment went well.
  2. I just got really worried about posting here, sorry. I deleted it. I'm not sure how to delete the whole thread so its just sitting here as a nothing thread. Again, sorry.
  3. You are awesome and you belong :)

  4. alive. went to ER this morning. no aneurysm, just migraine and adverse reaction to the caffeine in the excedrin. doc said I did the right thing coming in given the intensity of the headache.

    1. Southern Discomfort

      Southern Discomfort

      Well done. Glad to hear you're okay.

  5. ^this I hope this never happens to me. I hope you can have a good mania again sometime
  6. Metaphysically speaking...the attachment strings to your heart unravel in the first three days since death, after that the pet (or person) will start their journey onward, or they can hang around for usually up to seven days around their usual haunts, and then move on. After three days I might give the rat a nice burial and sing songs to help it have a smoothe journey onward.
  7. My "mania"...if that is what it is, generally expresses itself as new ideas with global implications. Every idea I have seems like it can save the world, and then I feel I must carry it out. I go about researching it and making plans, and usually contacting important famous people..... I get really hopeful thinking they will reply...I spend a lot of time talking to myself, trying to work all the kinks out of the ideas, playing up different scenarios in my mind... its really a wonderful feeling...I can think very efficiently, every little sentence can have immense meaning, and I can visualise the universe. I don't generally spend a lot because I have values about austerity, and also I have prevented myself from having a credit card anymore. Otheriwse I might plan trips here and there....if I had a car I would probably end up in the mountains a lot. On the flip side, I also have mixed states where I get extremely paranoid and irritable. I can have an explosive temper, and tend not be able to take any interruptions from people....I tend to get super angry about little things and think people purposefully are trying to hurt me. Kind of like xmo, this is the thing that sends off a red flag...I find myself hating or feeling violent towards people who I know I love and trust, and with that insight I know something isn't right... I think with me its hard because my ideas are coupled with a delusion that I will help save the world, and that delusion doesn't ever seem to go away, so even when the energy subsides, my mind obsessively continues to search for the the "solutions" or "meaning" of life, and how to convey that to others.
  8. :/ Get some rest...but be up during the day since more lightwaves are traveling about sending messages from computers and phones and such, so it would be harder to get a clear signal. Sleep during night so that your brain waves are safely anesthetised. Practice your photoshop away from your professor so that you get good enough at it that your muscle memory will prevent taking away your ability to work, even if they are taking your thoughts. Also, talk to your therapist, they will know more about what to do about the medications. Maybe they can have them sent to a different pharmacy. Hope you feel better.
  9. JALU, were you able to leave your rat in the crate? I was told sometimes pets hang around for up to seven days after they pass. I hope you are mourning her well.
  10. Tongue tied is right! It feels physically impossible to bring up certain things that might expose the delusion. Yes! Wow, good to know someone else experiences this. I literally could not divulge certain things even at gunpoint. I probably would induce amnesia to prevent mind reading or hypnosis from occurring.
  11. I would recommend talking with a counselor or therapist...it might help you figure some things out. But, if the counselor makes you feel uncomfortable, find another one. Took me years to find someone I can trust and has patience with me.
  12. You have to be careful what strain of marijuana you are smoking. Some strains rev you up, and some strains calm you down...
  13. but I am reticent to share anything because I am afraid people won't believe me and take it all away. Exactly. I try sometimes to tell my therapist when I am in a bad place....but my tongue is tied to actually coming out entirely about what I am thinking/believing....its so sacred to me and letting someone take it away seems like a self-betrayal.
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